Throw Me A Bone Here

, , , , , | Right | March 5, 2018

(We have a customer who frequently buys items and soon returns them. She comes in, yet again, to return a dog bone she bought a week or so ago.)

Customer: “I need to return this.”

Me: “This packaging is destroyed, and the bone has been chewed up. I’m not going to be able to refund you any money.”

Customer: “No! This bone was supposed to be peanut butter flavored, and its not!”

(I smell the bone, and sure enough, it smells like peanut butter.)

Me: “Ma’am, this bone is peanut butter flavored.”

Customer: “But it doesn’t taste like peanut butter!”

Me: “Um… Did you taste the bone?”

Customer: “Yes! And it doesn’t taste like peanut butter! I want my money back!”

Unfiltered Story #106350

, , | Unfiltered | February 26, 2018

(The gym where I’m employed has a monthly fee and a smaller fee that’s automatically charged on the same day once a year. This fee is to help cover maintenance, new equipment, paint/tile upgrades, parking lot resurfacing, etc. I work at the front desk and as this is my first year this is my first time fielding questions regarding this charge. I had been dealing with dozens of phone calls and walk ins from angry members for the past week at this point, when a regular member comes in carrying a box of donuts)

Member: I saw you all charged me a fee on top of my regular monthly fee last week.

Me (preparing for the worst): Yes ma’am, if you still have a copy of your contract you’ll see…

Member: Oh I know, I read my contract after seeing the charge and found where it says you all need a yearly enhancement fee. I bet you’ve had to explain it to many angry people.

Me: You have NO idea!

Member: Well, I was almost one of them until I read my contract again. I can only imagine what you all up front have had to go through with this. I thought these donuts might brighten your day, as well as the rest of the front desk crew.

Me: Wow! Thank you so much!

Member: No worries. Don’t let the bad ones get you down!

(My faith in humanity and my club’s members was pretty much restored after that!)

That’s What He Asked

, , , , , | Friendly | February 21, 2018

(My husband and I are at the theater for a popular movie that has recently come out. Even though it’s rated PG-13, there are, of course, a few parents who have brought their young children with them. Five or six seats down from us is a woman with a little boy and girl. The boy is probably around seven or eight years old.)

Character: *in the movie* “That’s what she said!”

Little Boy: “What does that mean, Mommy?”

(He said it loud enough for everyone to hear it and we all lost it. The poor kid couldn’t figure out what was so funny. I heard the flustered mom tell him she’d explain it after the movie. The movie itself was a lot funnier than I was expecting, but that was the funniest part of the whole thing.)

Found A Way To Wave This Off

, , , , , | Working | February 20, 2018

(I go into work on what would have been my mother’s 60th birthday. We have a machine that makes blended coffee, and it has been broken for a few days while we wait on a repair guy to come fix it. Most customers are understanding. But this guy in the drive-through is a big exception.)

Me: “You may order whenever you’re ready.”

Customer: “I’d like [breakfast sandwich] and a medium [blended drink].”

Me: “I’m so sorry, sir, but the machine that makes those drinks for us is currently not working. Could I get you a different drink?”

(I list off the other drinks we have available.)

Customer: “Well, when I pulled up, your greeter said you had [blended beverage] for two dollars!”

Me: “Actually, sir, that price is for any of the small drinks from our cafe list. I just can’t serve you the [blended beverage] today because the machine is broken.”

Customer: “Well, f*** you! Have a nice day, b****!”

Me: *yelling* “Right back at you!”

(As he drives by my window he flips me off. I return the gesture. I then go to the store supervisor and tell her the whole exchange in case he decides to call and complain.)

Supervisor: “I know it’s a rough day for you. But when people are like that and they drive by in a huff, just give them your biggest smile and wave bye-bye.”

Me: “I did wave.”

Supervisor: “Next time do it with more than one finger.”

Delivery Comes Standard, Insolence Is Extra

, , , | Right | February 20, 2018

(The store I work for allows customers to order merchandise online in the store and have it delivered to the store or their home. I am cashiering and a customer enters.)

Customer: “I need to know if my keyboard has been delivered. I ordered it on Thursday.”

(I page the appropriate person — we have radios with earpieces — and they inform me.)

Me: “I am afraid it hasn’t, but will probably be in later today, since no deliveries were made yesterday because of Labor Day.”

Customer: *irate* “They said it would be here Friday! I need it today!”

Me: “I apologize for the misunderstanding. Packages sometimes take more than one day with delivery, and that since it was ordered Thursday, today is the second possible day it could arrive. It should be there this afternoon, at the latest.”

Customer: *huffy* “Well, that doesn’t help me now!

(She leaves. For the next two hours, the day progresses as usual and I kind of forget about it. Customers who get huffy because they don’t pay attention are nothing new. But then she comes back, slaps a receipt down on the table, and says:)

Customer: “I want my money back for this!”

Me: *smiles* “Absolutely.” *processes her refund* “It has been credited directly back to your credit card. Have a wonderful day!”

Customer: “Oh, I will, because I’m going to [Competitor] where they have the product and aren’t going to be insolent and rude about not getting it to me when they promised!”

Me: *squealing, my smile broadening* “That sounds fabulous!”

(Out she goes with a huff. I prepare to forget it again, when less than five minutes later I am paged via earpiece:)

Coworker: “Hey, that package for [Customer] arrived!”

Me: “Funny story about that!”

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