A Bit Of Blind Luck

, , , , , | Related | April 24, 2019

(My dad is colorblind. He asks me to help him make his bed one day, and as we’re making his bed, he starts talking about his sheets, which are a slightly dull green.)

Dad: “This is Egyptian cotton. The same stuff they made the pharaohs’ wrappings out of.”

Me: “Cool. When you’re done with it, I can make a mummy costume.”

Dad: “You’ll be the first gray mummy.”

Me: “Um… These are green.”

Dad: “What? Dang it. I bought them to match the comforter.”

Me: “The comforter is green, too.”

Taking A Hard(wood) Stand Against Telemarketing

, , , , | Right | April 24, 2019

(My sister-in-law started this, and it was so much fun that I actually delayed putting my phone number on the “Do Not Call List.”)

Any Telemarketer: “Hello! I would like to talk to you about—“ *begins sales pitch*

Me: “But we have hardwood floors.”

Any Telemarketer: “But this isn’t about hardwood floors.”

Me: “But we have hardwood floors.”

Any Telemarketer: “But this isn’t about…”

Me: “But we have hardwood floors.”

(Lather, rinse, repeat, until they hang up.)

This Driver Is Driving People Crazy

, , , , , | Learning | April 21, 2019

(I’m a teacher. The music teacher and I are unloading a bus in the morning when a grown woman gets off. This is not unusual; sometimes parents ride with their children when they’ve had behavioral issues on the bus. The woman goes to the edge of the parking lot and starts talking on a cell phone.)

Music Teacher: “Notice anything strange about that woman?”

Me: “No, what?”

Music Teacher: “She’s not on a cell phone.”

(I look again. She’s not on the phone. She’s just… talking. By this time, the kids are all in the building.)

Music Teacher: “I’m getting the principal.”

(The woman approached me and began talking. It became immediately obvious that she was not all there. She wandered off and the police were called. As it turns out, she was a mentally disturbed woman who had just randomly climbed on the bus that morning. The bus driver was a substitute and didn’t ask the woman her business. When the woman began ranting to the busload of children, the substitute driver didn’t radio for help or advice, but just went along on her route. When the woman got off at the end of the line, the driver didn’t inform anyone what had been going on. The driver no longer works for the district.)

Unfiltered Story #147194

, , | Unfiltered | April 20, 2019

(My brother works at a hardware store. A customer comes to his line with a pole)
Customer: How long is this pole?
Brother: I don’t know, let me check.
(My brother checks the tag)
Brother: Sorry sir, it doesn’t say.
(the man grumbles)
Customer: Fine. Scan it anyway.
(my brother scans it)
Brother: The total is [Total]
Customer: Can I get a veteran discount?
Brother: Sure, just show me your ID.
Customer: Oh, I don’t have that with me. I do have this though
(Customer shows my brother a piece of paper)
Customer: This states that I am a veteran.
(My brother has no idea what to do about this, so he calls his manager over to the line. The manager looks over the piece of paper.)
Manager: I’m sorry, sir, but this isn’t going to work.
(The customer slams his fists on the counter and mutters incoherently)
Brother: Do you still want the pole sir?
Customer: Yes.
(The customer pays for the pole.)
Customer: (as he is leaving, shouts) I will never come back to this store again!

Wish You Had A Device That Could Silence HIM

, , , , , , | Right | April 18, 2019

(There is a product advertised on TV that promises its user the ability to listen to their TV as loud as they want without disturbing other people in the room via a special pair of wireless headphones. All someone has to do is plug in the receiver to the audio ports on their TV, sync the receiver and the headphones, and voila. Of course, we all know that it’s never as easy as they advertise in the commercials. Unfortunately, the store where I work has sold many units of this product and nearly all are returned because the customers can’t get the headphones and the receiver to properly sync. Most people are mildly upset that they can’t get the device to work, but realize that the product is worth less than the plastic it is made of and ask for their money back. But this one guy just takes the cake.)

Customer: *places the device on the counter in front of me* “I can’t get this to work on my TV.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. If you have your receipt with you, I’d be happy to do the return.”

Customer: “No. Weren’t you listening? I didn’t ask for a refund, now did I? What I said was that I couldn’t get this to work on my TV. Tell me how to make it work.”

(Our store specializes in the sale of bedding, bathroom, and kitchen products, not electronics. None of the employees have any specialized knowledge of home audio setups or TVs.)

Me: *sighing internally, as I’ve given this spiel a hundred times already* “I’m sorry, sir, but if you’ve already followed the instructions in the manual that came with this product and the headphones and receiver still aren’t syncing up properly, I’m afraid there is no other suggestion that I can offer you that’ll make it work. I know that there is a 1-800 number listed on the backside of the manual you can call, but I do not know if they are offering tech support beyond the original instructions. I’d still be happy to do the refund for you if you’d like.”

Customer: “I don’t want no d*** refund and I ain’t calling no 1-800 number where they’ll just transfer me to some call center run by a group of [slurs]. I want you to make this work on my TV.”

(He and I keep going back and forth on the issue, with him refusing the refund and me unable to help him. I bring over my manager and explain the situation to her, and she tells the customer the exact same thing I did. Finally, the customer just snaps. He starts yelling and calling me and my manager names. He makes ludicrous demands, such as a significant discount off his next purchase or having [Store] pay for a technician to come out and install the device for him. It gets so bad that people around us have paused and started listening to his tantrum. This occurs after both my manager and I have said no to all of his demands.)

Customer: “Now listen here: I want you two to call an actual manager up here this time. A real man-ager. Get it? That way he can tell me what to do and I won’t have to listen to you two squawk and squabble with me anymore.”

Manager: “Sir, I am the manager on duty now and I will not permit you to speak like that to anyone here. You have one of three options. One, you can take your item here, leave, and come back when you’ve learned some manners. Two, you can provide [My Name] with your receipt, we will refund you your money, and you can be on your way. Or three, you can take your item, leave, and see what information you can find that we haven’t been able to ourselves. Maybe try asking someone at [Popular Electronics Store] next door and see if they have any suggestions.”

Customer: “Well, who do you think I bought this from originally?”

Manager: *frozen in place* “Excuse me? Did you just say that didn’t even buy this from us?”

Customer: “Yeah?”

Manager: “So, you have been nothing but rude and disrespectful towards me and [My Name]… over this product that you didn’t even purchase from us in the first place?”

Customer: “Well, the people over there only hire children who don’t know anything. Even the manager didn’t even know what he was talking about. I was walking back to my car when I saw in the window that you guys sold this, too, so I figured I’d come in and ask for your help.”

Manager: *completely deadpan* “Sir… just go.”

Customer: “But–“

Manager: “Just… go.”

(Finally, the customer left, muttering about poor customer service and everything. All the while, most of us, employees and customers, were just standing there in awe of what had just transpired. I just felt sorry for whoever had to deal with him next.)

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