Some Pathetically Idiotic Understanding

, , , , | Healthy | August 26, 2018

(I am sitting in the waiting room, hoping my ankle isn’t broken, when I overhear this:)

Mom: *to dad, dragging her five-year-old girl behind her* “Yeah, the doctor said it was just idiot pathetic vomiting. We have to come in if she tries it again.”

(It took me a while to figure out this lady was trying to pronounce, “idiopathic,” meaning, “of unknown cause.” That poor kid!)

College Employees Are A Dime A Dozen

, , , , , | Working | August 22, 2018

Me: “Hey, you guys keep asking me to be in charge of the time sheets.”

Boss: “Yes, you’re very responsible.”

Me: “The thing is, I don’t like that. I have to get to the job site before everyone, I can’t leave until everyone else does, if someone is late I’m expected to snitch on them, and I have to drive out to the office on my own time to turn it in or no one gets paid.”

Boss: “Ah, I understand. How about if we give you a bonus for handling it?”

(I’m in college, where even $10 can mean a great deal to my finances.)

Me: “That would be great. Thanks.”

(The next time I got paid, I did, indeed, receive a bonus. Ten cents. Not ten cents an hour. Just one dime. I found work elsewhere soon after.)

The Contrarian Librarian: Looking For Work

, , , , | Right | August 10, 2018

(My mom works at the library, working in the front where most applicants drop off their resumés for open positions.)

Mom: “Welcome to [Library]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to apply for the open position.”

(She hands my mum her resumé, which is put with the others.)

Mom: “Anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Can you help me find this book, as well?”

(She hands my mum a paper with the name of a series on it.)

Mom: “Oh, sure.” *looks it up* “This is a really good series; I think you’ll enjoy it.”

Customer: “Oh, this isn’t for me; this is for my friend. I hate reading.”

Related:
Re-emergence Of The Contrarian Librarian
The Inattentiveness Of The Contrarian Librarian
Attack Of The Contrarian Librarian

Was “Tough” To Make Out

, , , , , | Friendly | August 8, 2018

I’m a guy, and a female friend of mine has invited me to join her and a few of her friends to go to a bar they like. They are all rather attractive women, but as I’m already in a relationship, the idea of being romantically interested in any of them doesn’t even cross my mind.

At one point in the evening we are outside on the bar’s patio area, save for one friend who is still inside. I am in need of a new drink and ask if I can get anyone else one, since I’m heading to the bar, anyway. After getting people’s orders, I head inside and see the other friend standing by a table talking to a guy that I assume she knows. She’s on my way to the bar, so I stop and ask her if I can get her a drink, since I am in the mindset of buying the next round. She politely declines, but then the guy she was talking to says something to me. The music is very loud and I can’t make out what he said. I ask him to repeat himself, but I still can’t make it out. However, from the cadence it sounds like he is making a joke, so I smile at him and chuckle and continue on to the bar to get drinks before I forget what people have asked me to get.

Later, after our group leaves the bar, the friend who was talking to the guy says she is astounded by what I did. I don’t know what she means and ask her to explain. The guy she was talking to was just a random guy who was trying to hit on her. When I came up and asked if I could get her a drink, he thought I was trying to hit on her, too, so he was threatening to fight me for having gotten in his way.

So, from his perspective, he threatened to beat me up, and I looked at him, smiled, laughed, and walked away. He was so intimidated by that that he ended up leaving her alone for the rest of the evening.

I am in no way a “tough guy” and, in fact, tend to avoid conflict to a fault. But this particular time, I managed to accidentally “out-tough” a random guy at the bar.

Unfiltered Story #117840

, , | Unfiltered | August 6, 2018

(Recently in town a heat wave has followed snow so we dont have working A/C. Do to this we have multiple fans around the building)
Me: *to customer* Hello, what would you like today?
Customer: I want to make a complaint.
Me: Ok tell me.
Customer: Your…building looks ugly with so many fans
Me: Well how I am I supposed to keep the dogs cool.
Customer: A/C duh!
Me: Sorry our A/C is broken
Customer: Well fix it
Me: None of our employees know how so we are hiring someone but he wont arrive until 3
Customer: Well I think it looks ugly!!! *throws our tip jar and walks out*

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