You’re Going To Pay (Inside) For That

, , , , | Right | August 27, 2017

(I work in a gas station with the option to select “pay inside” on the gas pump, which allows you to fill up first before paying. This button alerts us that someone wants to pay inside and then we are able to approve the pump to start without pre-payment.)

Customer: *walks up to counter* “Hey, if I give you my license will you turn my pump on so I can fill up?”

Me: “I don’t need your license, ma’am. If you go outside and select the ‘pay inside’ button I can start the pump for you.”

Customer: “I don’t get it. Why can’t I fill up my car and then pay inside?”

Me: “You can. I just won’t be able to turn on the pump until you hit the button.”

Customer: “But they let me do that at other gas stations all the time!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m saying when you go outside to start pumping, you just have to hit the ‘pay inside’ button before you select the fuel grade.”

Customer: “You know, whatever! I’ll just go to [Gas Station down the road] instead! This is ridiculous!”

(The customer starts to walk out door, then turns around and comes back.)

Customer: “Just put $20 on it! Whatever!” *begins to storm out again*

Me: “Miss, what pump are you at?”

Customer: *yelling, as if I can read minds and know which of many vehicles belongs to her* “Oh, my god! Five!”

(The gas station down the road she said she would go to instead is strictly pre-pay only.)

You Are No Longer Welcome

, , , , | Right | August 25, 2017

Customer: “Thank you for helping me.”

Me: “Oh, no problem at all. Your total is $[total].”

Customer: “Really, thank you.”

Me: “You’re welcome. Have a nice day.”

Customer: “Thanks again.”

Me: “Really… it’s no problem.”

Customer: “Well, thank you anyway.”

Me: *smiles and nods because there’s only so many times I can say “you’re welcome”*

Customer: *turning to their granddaughter* “I said thank you, and she said nothing. Wasn’t that rude?”

Does That Mean The Sugar Is Sucreted?

, , , , | Working | August 18, 2017

(I ordered a combo meal and iced coffee at a local drive-in:)

Me: “Can you add milk to my iced coffee?”

Clerk: “Oh, don’t worry, iced coffee is already cremated… Umm, well.”

Pray They’re Horsing Around

, , , , | Right | August 17, 2017

Client: “Say, you did a fine job massaging my wife. Do you mind taking a look at my horse? She’s been limping a spell.”

Me: “Thanks, I… What did you just say?”

Half-Baked Attempt At Eating Healthy

, , , | Related | August 16, 2017

(Dinner at my nephew’s wedding is delicious. It’s also Southern: barbecue, fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and green beans cooked with onion and a ham hock. The wedding cake is red velvet. There is one lonely-looking salad, included perhaps to keep the entire menu from being blackballed by the American Heart Association.)

Out Of Town Guest: *poking the chicken dubiously* “Maybe if it was baked…”

Local Guest: “Oh, honey. This is Missouri. We don’t bake anything.”

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