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No Means No, And No More Friends For You

, , , , , | Friendly | July 3, 2023

I’m going out with some friends I haven’t seen for a long time — since high school. While their wild days are well over with, I am still the only one who doesn’t drink any alcohol at all. When informed of my continued status as a teetotaller, my old schoolmates respect my choice.

Well, except for one.

Old Friend #1: “C’mon, [My Name], how could you not drink alcohol? Don’t you like to be buzzed?”

Me: “No, I don’t really get buzzed, and the only time I got drunk, I was sitting in a corner crying and moaning. Do you really think that’s appropriate?”

Old Friend #1: “Maybe you just drank the wrong juice! Give my cocktail a try; it’s super good!”

Me: “I said no, [Old Friend #1].”

And then he pouts as he goes back to his drink. When their cocktails and my tonic water are empty, [Old Friend #1] gets up and offers to get refills. He does so, comes back with them in hand, and then lays my glass in front of me. I barely need to have the liquid touch my lips before I realise he has just served me Gin & Tonic. I wipe my lips with a towel.

Me: “Did anyone here order a Gin & Tonic?”

Old Friend #2: “Nope, I went for a Cuba Libre.”

Old Friend #3: “I did. Why do you ask?”

Me: “I’ve received one. Perhaps we got the glasses switched up?”

Old Friend #3: “That can’t be; I tasted it, and it’s definitely Gin & Tonic.”

Old Friend #1: “Maybe they changed the brand of tonic water, [My Name]?”

Me: “No, it definitely has booze in it.”

And then, I get it.

Me: “[Old Friend #1], are you sure you have ordered tonic water and not another Gin & Tonic?”

Old Friend #1: “Totally sure! So, c’mon, drink it up.”

I don’t trust him all that much, so I sit out of drinking it. [Old Friend #1] keeps shooting dirty looks at me, but I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. By the end of it, everyone except me is drunk, so I collect the money from them to pay up.

While I’m paying at the bar, I decide to seize the occasion.

Me: “By the way, I tried to order a tonic water a second time, but I received a Gin & Tonic.”

Barman: “That’s weird I got an order for six Gin & Tonics from your table. In fact, your buddy ordered to make one ‘extra strong’, so I figured…”

That does confirm my suspicions. I pay and go back to the table.

Me: “Let’s go, [Old Friend #2] and [Old Friend #3].” 

Old Friend #3: “What about [Old Friend #1]?”

Me: “If he wants me drunk so badly, he doesn’t get the benefit of having a sober driver.”

I drove everyone else home, and I told [Old Friend #1] that I didn’t find him very trustworthy anymore. He still tries to contact me and doesn’t comprehend what he did wrong.

Related:
No Means No Means ABSOLUTELY THE F*** NOT
No Means No, Even When You’re Three
No Means No (And No Beer)
No Means No Means No Means No Means…

A Chip In The Tooth And A Slip In The Truth

, , , , | Healthy | July 1, 2023

I grew up in the Midwest of the USA and moved down to a southern state in 2018. It was 2019, and I hadn’t found a dentist yet. I didn’t think it was a big deal. I then chipped two of my front teeth. I have small teeth due to a genetic disorder.

The office was nice, and I loved how the paperwork asked if you had dentist anxiety. The dentist himself was weird. This dentist would not stop smiling. It was creepy.

Dentist: “You have no enamel in your teeth! You grind your teeth while sleeping, and your teeth are small because of it! You need twelve crowns and Invisalign right now. I cannot fill your chipped teeth because of everything.”

I questioned this right away. I had just seen my dentist back home less than a year before this, and he never said I had no enamel in my teeth. I felt like the dentist was trying to buy his next car.

I left the office and never came back!

I found a different dentist who told me that I might need ten crowns in the far future and that I still had enamel in my teeth, and he filled the two chipped teeth! He also took the time to research my genetic disorder. He did recommend Invisalign, and I did end up getting that.

I still see this dentist to this day and recommend him to all of my friends!

If You’re Going To Scam A Return, At Least Return It To The Correct Store

, , , , , | Right | June 30, 2023

Customer: “I need to return this set of cordless phones. They stopped working for some reason.”

Me: “Do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “It’s just that your item is in a Walmart bag, and the phone has a Best Buy sticker on it.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “This is neither Best Buy nor Walmart.”

Customer: “I got it here!”

After not being able to find his receipt under his phone number, our bonus card, or his credit card, I ask:

Me: “Are you sure you bought it here?”

Customer: *Offended* “Stop trying to get out of the return! Of course I did; I’m not an idiot.”

Then, I point out the Best Buy sticker again in the nicest way I can.

Me: “I can’t return this without a receipt, but maybe Best Buy will take it?”

Customer: “I didn’t put that sticker on there! Why did you guys put it on?”

I honestly had no response; my brain stopped for a second as I tried to understand his point of view.

For Rules, There Are Often Barking, Furry Reasons

, , , , | Friendly | June 29, 2023

My husband and I are renting out the main floor of a house we own. We post a listing on Facebook Marketplace. We include in the description that no dogs are allowed, but cats are okay, as long as they are fixed. I especially am very firm on my no-dogs rule.

We get many, many messages from people sending photos of their dogs, asking if we would allow one with a pet fee, saying their dog is a particular size, age, etc. — i.e., “They’re [breed] and only ten pounds!” — and asking if we would consider it. The answer is always no.

We get one prospective tenant who mentions that she has a couple of cats. She likes the place and seems responsible, and after thinking about it, we decide to offer it to her. 

A week passes, and we meet up at a local coffee shop for her to sign the lease. We get to a part that says “pets allowed” and we have “no” checked off. She gets a panicked look.

Us: “Oh, sorry about that! We missed that. We’ll put in here that it’s okay. You have two cats, right?”

Tenant: “And a dog! Look!” *Shows us a photo* “He’s very old and has a tumor and probably won’t live much longer.”

We went ahead with signing the lease since we were both taken by surprise and were running out of time; we’d just lost an entire week of looking for other prospective tenants since we were planning on signing the lease with her. The way she was talking, I was even wondering if the dog would survive long enough to make the move since it was a few weeks out from the move-in date.

But no, the day came when she moved in. We immediately started getting complaints from the tenant downstairs about the dog barking a lot.

…and that’s EXACTLY why I had a “no dogs” rule.

I know there are responsible dog owners out there. But you can’t always trust people, including dog owners who say their dog is not a problem.

I wonder if the tenant just didn’t see that part in our ad, figured it would be no big deal if she conveniently forgot to mention it, or actually did forget to mention the dog. I will be asking any future tenants straight out what pets they have.

You Don’t Protect Your Workers, You Don’t Protect Your Job

, , , , , , , , , , | Working | June 28, 2023

I work in a musical instrument store. We sell everything from keyboards to guitars, all kinds of drums from everywhere, and sheet music detailing how to play songs on random instruments. We are the go-to place for our city, and if you can’t find what you need on the first floor, try the second or third!

We have a Pervert Customer, disgustingly well known in these parts and identified by wearing an “I [Heart] Jesus” hat. Other employees have complained to my boss several times, but [Boss] refuses to ban him because he is technically a customer. I say “technically” because he’ll buy something as small and cheap as he can find as justification for being in the store in the first place and then uses it as carte blanche to be lewd.

One day, I make the mistake of greeting him like a normal customer before I spot the hat.

Me: “Hello! Welcome to [Music Store]! What are you looking for today?”

[Pervert Customer] immediately begins to preach to me.

Pervert Customer: “Jesus is life! Jesus is light! Jesus will save us all from our sins! Have you been saved yet? Give me your hand so I can call Jesus to you. Let Him come inside you and bless you with the holy milk of salvation!”

He continues on in this vein, becoming less and less subtle with his euphemisms, and I’m pretty sure a preacher would get in trouble if he tried this spiel in a church.

My professional smile is frozen on my face, and after several unsuccessful attempts, I finally turn his attention to the fact that he is in a music store and there are things to purchase. That’s when the switch is flipped and he goes full pervert.

Pervert Customer: “So, what instrument do you play? I bet you play the flute, right?”

Me: “Well, no, actually, I play the bassoon.”

Pervert Customer: *Leers* “Oh, so, like, a bigger instrument than a flute, huh? You like big things?”

Me: “…”

Pervert Customer: “Yeah, a bigger, longer, thicker version of the flute. Can a little girl like you can handle big things?”

At this moment, I decide that I don’t need this job THAT badly.

I give him a scathingly disgusted look.

Me: “Sir, this topic is not acceptable or appropriate. Leave the store now, or I’m calling the cops.”

Pervert Customer: “Hey! Hey! I’m a customer! Look, I’ll buy this!”

He grabs some random thing off a spinning display.

Me: “No. I’m refusing you service. Put it down and get out.”

He pulls out his wallet.

Pervert Customer: “Look! I have money, see? Cash!”

I start walking away from him and grab the phone off the hook.

Me: “OUT! OH, YOU, TEE! OUT!”

[Boss] comes out of the back office, sees and hears me yelling at the “customer”, and starts running toward me, trying to sweet talk and smooth things over.

Nope! I talk over the boss at full volume.

Me: “I WILL NOT BE SEXUALLY HARASSED IN MY WORKPLACE!”

[Pervert Customer] ran out the door as I start to dial.

I make sure he is gone and then put the phone down.

Me: *To [Boss]* “Ban him, because if I see him in here again, I’m calling the police.”

[Boss] just stares at me for a long time and then quietly walks into the back again.

After getting some amazing advice from some awesome people on another website, I call a hotline for the company, detailing the sexual harassment that the manager allowed [Pervert Customer] to get away with. (Trust me, I know now that I should have done this long before, and I’m sorry that it took so long to get to my breaking point.) Complaints to this hotline are taken down by a third party and then forwarded to the correct department. They do a lot of typing as I describe the incident.

The next day, I walk in to see what my duties are.

Nothing. Nada. I am not on the list of employees that day. I look at the weekly schedule, and yes, I am supposed to be there, but the DAILY schedule doesn’t know I exist.

Aha. Okay. I see how it is.

Playing nice, I ask my coworker where [Boss] was. Not in. [Other Manager] is in that day for my scheduled shift. [Other Manager] looks confused by my “innocent” inquiry. He looks at the weekly schedule, looks at the daily schedule, scratches his head, and tells me to give him a few moments while he calls [Boss].

He comes back, his expression awkward.

Other Manager: “Um… [Boss] fired you for a slew of no-call-no-shows.”

Those didn’t exist before today. [Other Manager] is confused and disbelieving because he has worked with me a lot and he has never even heard a whisper of a rumor that I’m not always on time. And since he works with me regularly, he usually says, “Good morning,” to me as I stand by the time clock.

Me: “Thank you, [Other Manager].”

And I walked out. I called the hotline again. I talked to the girl on the other end of the line and told her that I had an update on my previous incident. I gave her my name and cellphone number (which I had voluntarily divulged, both to identify my file and to allow someone to get in contact with me), and she opened the file that has already been made. I updated her on what was happening. She thanked me for my call and promised that my file was already marked Urgent and that my update would be appended and forwarded again, as soon as we were done. She told me to expect a phone call within the next couple of days.

I went to lunch and indulged in some not-good-for-me comfort food to calm my nerves, because I knew the real reason why I’d been fired, and I was furious.

I got the call that same afternoon. It was a bigwig, and he was EXTREMELY concerned by my report. He told me that he had been in the middle of reading my first report when he got the ding announcing my update had arrived. He gave me a Human Resources spiel about how the company was a machine, and even the smaller gears needed to be taken care of or the whole machine could seize. It was all corporate sweet talk and pretty words, but even though he didn’t say so, I got the distinct impression that he was halfway to panic mode and about to do some emergency damage control.

He asked me if I was okay (emotionally and financially) and asked me if I would be willing to give him forty-eight hours minimum to look into the situation. He was flying into the area early tomorrow and was going to do a surprise inspection of any and all paperwork potentially created out of this incident. He promised to be in touch with me, one way or another, to either tell me he needed more time, or to tell me the verdict.

I gave him the time. The rest of the story was pieced together from [Bigwig] and my coworkers.

[Bigwig] appeared on the scene and took command of the back room. [Boss] wasn’t working that day, either. There, he found my employee file, with some no-call-no-show write-ups crammed into it. He was suspicious within five minutes, as the “signatures” on the write-ups didn’t even remotely match my signatures on other documents.

I was neither shown these nor did I sign them. Strike one.

He took a closer look at the no-call-no-show papers and they were practically identical — copy/paste text with stuff like “first warning,” “second warning,” and, “as you have been warned before,” tacked on. They were very bare-bones. The company was a big fan of details and attempts via the company to accommodate the employee or otherwise expand upon what the management did to try to remove the problem.

None of that happened. Strike two.

Finally, [Bigwig] checked the dates of my supposed write-ups and couldn’t find any notations in the computer. Apparently, there is a procedure of dotting Is and crossing Ts once a schedule is made. No-call-no-shows, calls out sick, or other alterations to a schedule, once it was made, were to be logged into the system so that there was a digital backup to physical paperwork.

The days I was supposedly a no-call-no-show weren’t even mentioned on the system. Everything looked normal. One of the days, I was actually present, as seen by my sign-in times. The other two were days I had off, as labor laws decreed I was supposed to get. So, even if I WAS supposedly slated to work that day, [Boss] would have been dinged with a labor law violation.

I didn’t show up because I wasn’t SUPPOSED to show up. Strike three.

Female coworkers on duty were called back and asked about how [Boss] handled the incursions of [Pervert Customer], and their stories corroborated the security video. [Boss] had apparently failed to remember that our security cameras also just happened to pick up audio.

[Bigwig] spent hours reviewing multiple incursions of the Religious Freak Pervert harassing female workers and grabbing his crotch while staring at them like a sheepdog stares at sheep. He got to see [Pervert Customer] making lewd gestures by positioning large instruments “just so” and running his hands up and down their lengths. Blatantly disgusting stuff in a similar vein happened regularly.

He got to hear [Boss] admonishing female workers that if [Pervert Customer] didn’t actually touch them, there was nothing anyone could do because all he was doing is talking and handling merchandise. He got to listen to [Boss] flat-out tell employees that cops wouldn’t do anything about what people SAID, only what they did, and that their only option was to ignore [Pervert Customer]. Of course, he was banking on employee ignorance and fear of being fired to keep them quiet.

Apparently, [Bigwig] gave a lot of horrified, wide-eyed silences as their tales of woe came out. He gave up trying to look professional shortly after starting and just let his horrified expressions say how wrong this nonsense was. My coworkers said that when he left at the end of the forty-eight hours, he seemed to be contemplating a little nighttime visit to a disused rock quarry.

The verdict? In short, my job is back, with full-time pay for the days I missed to be added to my next paycheck. [Boss] is no longer with the company, and his replacement reviewed with everyone what to do if [Pervert Customer] — or anyone like him — dares to stick their nose through the front door of the shop.

I almost hope [Pervert Customer] comes back because I want to see the lady who replaced [Boss] eat [Pervert Customer] alive. She has this dominatrix voice that she can turn on with the bat of an eye, and I so VERY much want to see [Pervert Customer] get Scary Dominatrix Lady instead of meek, intimidated, coworker lady.

Oh, and [Boss] forging my signatures? That is going to be handled in the legal system soon, filed under F for “felony.”


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