Do What I Want Or I’ll Hate You So There

, , , , , | Right | May 28, 2018

(I work for a cell phone company. All day I chat to customers about hardware upgrades, issues with their accounts, etc. Most of the time I can’t fix their problems because of conversations like this one.)

Customer: “Hi, can you upgrade my phone, please?”

Me: “Hey, my name is [My Name]. May I have your full name and number or account number?”

Customer: “Okay, my name is [Customer] and my number is [number].”

Me: “Thank you. Just one moment while I open your account.”

(I look at his account to see what I can offer, and what I can’t. He just upgraded his phone to the new iPhone 6 Plus and owes the company $2,000; that needs to be paid before another upgrade.)

Me: “It looks like I am unable to complete your request at this time. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “WHY? THIS IS DUMB! UPGRADE MY PHONE! I WANT THE iPHONE 6S NOW!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it looks that you have just done an upgrade and still owe on that.”

Customer: “SO? GIVE ME A NEW ONE!”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but I am unable as the system will not let me unless the balance is paid off in full.”

Customer: “How much do I owe?”

Me: “$2,000; that’s for the phone, the overdue bills, and device protection.”

Customer: “Can’t you just waive that if I stay with you?”

Me: “Um, no?!”

Customer: “THAT’S DUMB! I HATE [PHONE COMPANY]!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

Customer: “Will you waive that fee now?”

Me: “No, I still can’t.”

(The customer disconnected from chat. That had to have been the stupidest chat ever.)

Oh, Sales Rep, You Kill Me

, , , | | Working | May 28, 2018

(It’s my last day at work before sick leave; I’m scheduled for abdominal surgery the following Monday. I have told my boss beforehand and most of my colleagues, but I’ve left this sales rep until today. He’s somewhat morbid and overall not my favourite person. I’m explaining to him that I’ll be away for over a month for health-related reasons, when this happens:)

Sales Rep: “Oh! By the way, look what I saw on my business trip the other day!”

(He proceeded to show me the picture of a street-side billboard advertising a funeral house, offering a limited-time discount for their services. And he got annoyed when I failed to appreciate the humour.)

The Definition Of Bad Student

, , , , | Learning | May 28, 2018

(I work at the circulation desk at the library. A demanding student comes in every day with a bad attitude and tends to look down on us workers. One afternoon, he comes to my desk.)

Student: “I need an example of [a certain type of poem].”

Me: “Okay, here is what I came up with.”

Student: “I want a book that tells me how many syllables each line needs.”

Me: “Okay, if you read the poem you will find out, and then follow the example.”

Student: “Ma’am, you are not understanding me. Forget it.”

Me: *a few minutes later* “I found the definition for you; it is right here in this literature book.”

Student: *in the most condescending tone and yelling* “I HAVE TOLD YOU I know the definition; are you stupid or deaf?”

Me: “Neither. The definition tells you how many syllables you need per line, and that is what you asked me to find; maybe you don’t know the definition as much as you thought you did.”

Off (The Clock) Behavior

, , , , | | Working | May 27, 2018

(I work in the deli section of a small, independent grocery store. It’s twenty minutes past my shift end, and I’m still in the store doing some personal shopping before going home. A coworker, who has been rude to me before, starts calling out, “Deli! Deli! DELI!” until I turn around. She is with a regular customer, who gets specialty bread from the freezer out back.)

Coworker: “Do you know where the bread is? The specialty one?”

Me: “Yes, but—”

Coworker: “Go fetch it, then.”

Me: “No, I’m not on shift. It’s in the freezer and clearly labelled.”

(I go to leave. I’ve been paying for my stuff while this happens:)

Coworker: “No, you need to get it.” *to the customer* “She’ll get it for you. No worries.”

(Just as I’m about to tell her goodbye and leave, my boss — the owner of this particular store — comes out, and having heard part of the conversation, turns to me and says:)

Boss: “You can spare two minutes. I’ll wait.”

(I hate these people.)

Write-Up Or Write-Off?

, , , , , | | Working | May 26, 2018

(I’m called in to talk to my front-end supervisor and the assistant store manager about a customer complaint.)

Assistant Manager: “I received a disturbing call about you from a customer who said that she dropped her cash while paying and you didn’t help her pick it up.”

Me: “Well, no, I didn’t. I was told in training that cashiers aren’t supposed to leave their registers in the middle of a transaction unless there’s an actual emergency. Also, the customer in line behind her did help her pick it up, and three people picking up a few coins seems like overkill to me. Anyway, the only reason that her cash ended up on the ground is because she tossed it at me instead of handing it to me, forcefully enough that the coins bounced off of me and landed on her side of the counter. I’m not in the habit of helping people who disrespect me.”

Supervisor: “[My Name], you need to calm down.”

Me: “I’m calm; I’m just telling you what happened.”

Assistant Manager: “The customer didn’t call to inform me of this because she wanted you to get in trouble.”

Me: “Really? I can’t think of any other reason to call and complain about something so petty.”

Supervisor: “That’s enough! I’ve been at this store almost a year now and you are the only cashier I’ve ever gotten any complaints about from customers!”

(This is an outright lie. Cashiers and baggers at this store talk to each other all the time, and one of the things we all talk about is, “[Supervisor] chewed me out over another BS complaint.”)

Assistant Manager: “You’re probably lying about her tossing the cash, too. I’m sure if I looked at the security camera footage from that day I’ll see she did nothing of the sort.”

Me: “That’s a great idea; let’s go look at it right now. I even remember roughly what time it was.”

Assistant Manager: “We don’t have time for any of that; just sign this write-up so we can all get back to doing our jobs.”

(I refused to sign. Within two weeks of this incident, I had found a new job and given my notice.)

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