While away for work on a five-day job, I discovered on day four that one of my uniform tops had a small hole developing in the armpit. As I had two clean tops left, I put on the one that didn’t have a hole and shoved the other one into my bag, along with some sewing stuff, in order to repair it at work.

I sat down in the canteen at break, pulled the top out, located the hole once more, threaded a needle, pulled the thread through until the knot caught… and was promptly distracted by one of my coworkers.

Coworker: “What’re you doing?”

Me: “Found a hole in my top, decided to sew it up before it got bigger.”

Coworker: “Why?”

Me: “Because it would annoy me to have a hole that I can fix.”

Coworker: “Just ask [Boss] for a new one.”

Me: “It’s repairable.”

Coworker: “Take it to a tailor, then.”

Me: “I don’t want to pay for something I can do myself.”

Coworker: “Who sews their own clothes anymore?”

Me: “Well, I do, obviously.”

Coworker: “I still don’t get why you don’t just get a new top.”

Me: “It’s a hole in the armpit I can barely get my pinky through. It’s not worth replacing my top over.”

Coworker: “I’ll laugh when all those stitches fall out because you’re not a proper sewing person.”

No, I didn’t get the repair done that shift. It ended up waiting until I got back to the peace and quiet of my hotel room.

I am bringing out dessert for a table of customers that have been rude and disrespectful all evening. I am at the end of my tether with them.

Customer: “Uh, excuse me. Forgetting something, are we? We ordered some coffees with our dessert.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I just left them in the kitchen along with my extra arms.”

They wisely didn’t push me on that matter or complain!

CONTENT WARNING: Dark Humor

I work as a meat carver at a restaurant that does Sunday carveries.

Customer: “Cut up some slices of the roast beef.”

I oblige, and as I am handing it to her, she gets a disgusted look on her face.

Customer: “I’m not eating that; you breathed on it.”

I’m not really in the mood to deal with this, so I just put the food on her plate and say:

Me: “Sorry, you’ll just have to have my AIDS.”

I thought I was going to get fired (it was a nice restaurant), but my boss thought it was hilarious.

I am working at a go-kart ride for little kids. There is a height limit; anyone over forty-eight inches tall isn’t allowed to ride for safety reasons. A kid comes up and she’s about six inches too tall.

Me: “Sorry, you’re a bit too tall.”

Her dad flips out and starts yelling.

Dad: “You let her on this ride last summer, and now you won’t? I’m going to tell your manager!”

He then immediately turns around to the other parents in line and yells some more.

Dad: “Can you believe this jerk? He let my kid on last summer and now he won’t!”

The other parents are silent for a few seconds until one brave, awesome person replies.

Other Parent: “It’s not like your kid is going to shrink every year.”

The angry guy then just stormed off with his kid.

I’m travelling with a friend on the underground, and I’m standing in the queue for the outermost ticket barrier to go through to the platforms. Suddenly, I feel myself being bowled over, but this is something I am used to as I’m a bit of a metalhead. I manage to stand my ground and look over to see what is going on.

It turns out a woman about my height — I’m female, too — but heavier than me just walked into me because she was chatting with her friend. (I bring up her size as it explains why I needed to use a bit of force to keep myself in place.) I’m about to brush it off when she turns to her friend.

Woman: “Oh, how rude!”

I turn to face her again.

Me: “Um, you walked into me.”

Woman: “Well, you didn’t need to push back so much!”

Me: “I was already standing here. Maybe you should look where you are going.”

Because obviously, to her, I should have fallen down or moved out the way when she walked into me and not stopped her for any reason.

I turned around, put my ticket into the barrier, and walked through, leaving the sound of outrage behind me. My friend and I had a good laugh about it on the escalator, and another friend we met later didn’t believe it had happened until the one there confirmed it.