Me: “Good morning, [Game Store]. How can I help?”

Caller: “Can you tell me what’s coming out over the next three weeks?”

Me: “Which format would you like, sir?”

Caller: “All of them.”

Me: “You want all the releases for all the formats for the next three weeks?”

Caller: “YES!”

Me: “Okay… on PS2, we’ve got Yakuza–”

Caller: “Boring.”

Me: “Um… we’ve also got The Godfather–”

Caller: “That sounds rubbish.”

Me: “Um… there’s Reservoir Dogs next week–”

Caller: “I don’t even LIKE dogs. Why would I play that?!” *hangs up*

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(A man and his son walk into the guest services office.)

Customer: “The rides person won’t let my son get on the pirate ship ride.”

Me: “Your son doesn’t appear to be tall enough. Will you have him stand by the height chart for me?”

(I measure the child and he is a good two inches shorter than the height requirement for the pirate ride.)

Me: “Sir, your son is not within the height category. He cannot legally ride the ride.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you just stamp his hand and let him get on since I said it was okay?”

Me: “No, sir, that is illegal. Your son will not be safe on that ride as the restraints are not built for smaller riders. We do have a kid’s version of that ride.”

Customer: “I’m going to get my wife. She’s wearing heels today. He can just put those on and be tall enough.”

Me: “Any shoes that are more than two inches thick need to be removed before we can measure the child, so that won’t work.”

Son: “Daddy, why can’t we ride the rides?”

Customer: “Because that horrible lady thinks you’re a midget.”

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(I rent out loaner cars at a luxury car dealership and try to loan similar cars to customers unless they are already booked.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we are out of luxury cars today. I have another vehicle that we can get you going in.”

Customer: “No. I dropped off a luxury car; I should get one as a loaner.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t have any available right now. This other car is actually very nice, and quite–”

Customer: “I refuse to drive that car! It’s not safe! What if someone crashes into me while I’m driving? There are too many crazies on the road, and I demand a safe car to drive!”

(A luxury loaner vehicle returns unexpectedly and I offer it to the customer.)

Me: “Would you like to purchase the additional coverage on the loaner vehicle in case of an incident?”

Customer: “Of course not! Like anything’s going to happen!”

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(Due to a power outage, all movies have stopped. After employees visit each theater to tell customers what is happening, the power comes back on.)

Me: “Ladies and gentlemen, we are going to get your movie back on screen in just a moment.”

(The movie starts up. Unfortunately, when a projector gets cut off in the middle of the movie, it is about two minutes later in the film than when the power cut out.)

Customer: “Rewind the movie!”

Me: “I’m sorry, there is no way to rewind a film, sir.”

Customer: “Just use the remote!”

Me: “Sir, movies on film are not like DVDs or VHS tapes. You cannot simply rewind it.”

Customer: “Shut up and give me the remote. I’ll do it!”

Related:
Not Remotely Intelligent

(I am a supervisor in a daycare. It is Christmas Eve and a child’s mother has arrived to pick him up.)

Mother: “So, is it okay if I send in his presents with him tomorrow so he can open them here?”

Me: “Tomorrow? It’s Christmas Day tomorrow… We’ll be closed.”

Mother: “What? You’re closed tomorrow? But what am I supposed to do with my kid?”

Me: “Oh, do you have to work tomorrow? That’s unfortunate.”

Mother: “Work tomorrow? No, I booked it off a long time ago. Why are you closed tomorrow? You’re always open!”

Me: “Christmas Day is the only day we’re closed all year.”

Mother: “Well, I don’t want him under my feet on Christmas!”

Me: “Um…”

Mother: “You don’t want to babysit, do you?”

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