(I am on the phone.)
Me: “Dermatology. How may I help you?”
Patient: “Hi, I just had an autopsy done. I’d like to know my results.”
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Caller: “How do I make a call from this touch-screen phone? I can’t figure it out.”
Me: “Are you calling from the device?”
Caller: “Yes.”
Me: “Repeat what you did, but with a different number.”
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Not So Smart-Phone
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(Our shop offers free wireless Internet with any purchase. We keep it password-protected ever since we discovered the neighbors were stealing it. I give the password out at the register; changing it once a week and keeping it as random as possible.)
Customer: “What’s the password today?”
Me: “Nostrils.”
Customer: “What the h*** kind of password is that? I never would have guessed that!”
This story is part of the Customers-Who-Can’t-Hear-Themselves roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!
10 Crazy Stories About How Customer’s Problems Were So Stupid They Resolved Themselves
Customer: “You don’t have much of a selection for ninetieth birthday parties.”
Me: “Not many people live that long. Most of our suppliers don’t carry anything past the sixtieth birthday decorations.”
Customer: “It’s all because of Obama, you know. With his health care system, they just put you out to pasture once you’re sixty-five, and that’s the end of you. He probably told everyone to stop selling things with eighty and ninety on it, so people won’t want to live as long.”
(I am a Community Assistant. When a resident has a problem with their apartment they have to call the CA Duty phone. However, today is labor day and it’s my day off.)
Resident: “I have an emergency at my apartment!”
Me: “How can I help you, sir?”
Resident: “There was a bee’s nest in my roof, but now the bees have come through a crack in the ceiling! My apartment is full of bees!”
Me: “Sir, I would recommend that you call some sort of animal services, but I can’t help you.”
Resident: “Well, why not? Doesn’t the apartment have some sort of procedure for this type of situation?”
Me: “Well, it’s Labor Day and my day off. Plus, you’re supposed to call me for maintenance issues, not insects.”
Resident: “You can’t take the day off! What if there was a medical emergency on a holiday!”
Me: “Then I hope you would call 911.”
Resident: “Don’t they have the day off, too?”
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