That Was Majorette Strange

, , , , | Right | May 13, 2019

(A customer and her boyfriend have gone back and forth in the store, laughing and joking. Suddenly, they both come up to the counter to my manager.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Have I been here before?”

Manager: “No, not that I know of.”

Customer: “Have you and I ever met?”

Manager: “No.”

Customer: *to my coworker and me* “What about you two?”

Us: “No.”

Customer: “Right. Now, tell me that a camo-themed birthday wouldn’t be cute for a girl. She could be a majorette.”

Boyfriend: “We ain’t having no majorette party.”

Customer: “If you can spell ‘majorette,’ then we won’t do it. Can you spell majorette?”

Boyfriend: *suddenly angry* “I can spell ‘kiss my a**’!” *storms out to be followed by his laughing girlfriend*

Manager: “Did that really just happen?”

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The Kind Of Man That Puts Monetary Value On Women

, , , | Right | May 8, 2019

(I work at a store that mostly sells pranks and novelty items, and the staff often jokes around with customers. An older man has come in and I am quickly able to help him find the item that he is looking for. We have two counters in our store — one up front and one in the back — but our only register is at the front counter. We are located at the back counter, and the man has remained quiet the whole time, and before I can direct him up front, he silently shoves a hundred dollar bill in my face.)

Me: “Actually, sir, we’ll need to check out up front, but I’ll be happy to take that bill off your hands!” *laughs*

Customer: *completely somber, putting the bill back into his wallet* “It’s just like a woman to ask for money and take it.”

Me: “Um… Let’s go get you checked out.”

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Unfiltered Story #148152

, , , | Unfiltered | April 27, 2019

(At a party-themed store for Halloween, my husband and I are trying on outfits. I go into a changing room and spot a family right as I’m closing the curtain; mother, father, teenage daughter. Then I overhear this…)

Girl: Oh, my god! Dad! Those boots! You have to get them for me, I’ll have an orgasm!
Father: [Girl’s name]!!
Me: (thinking) Did that really just happen?

No Helium For The Airhead, Part 3

, , , , , | Right | March 21, 2019

(I work at a party shop that sells balloons as well as the option to have them inflated with helium to make them float. A middle-aged customer walks in with balloons on ribbons that are tied to a balloon weight. The balloons are clearly just filled with air as they are dragging along the floor, not floating at all.)

Customer: “Hi! I’m so confused. I inflated the balloons that I bought from you but they’re not floating! Is something wrong with them?”

Me: “How did you inflate them? Did you hire a helium cylinder from us or do you have access to helium?”

Customer: “Oh! No, I just inflated them by mouth. I thought it would be cheaper than helium.”

Me: “Yes, it’s cheaper but balloons don’t float with air. They need to be inflated with helium to float.”

Customer: “Oh! Really?!”

(I can’t stop picturing the customer sitting at home, huffing and puffing away and not understanding why her breath isn’t making the balloons float.)

No Helium For The Airhead, Part 2
No Helium For The Airhead

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Unfiltered Story #123726

, , | Unfiltered | October 20, 2018

(My coworker has just split up with her boyfriend and is having a hard time of it at work. She’s already had to go to the bathroom a few times to cry. It’s at the end of her shift and I’m helping a customer with her balloon order.)

Coworker: [My name], do I look okay?

Me: Your eyes are still a little puffy, but it looks more like you haven’t slept well.

Customer: Did you hear that? She just told you that you look horrible! Not just horrible, but she said you look horrible and fat! Not just that, but she also called you horrible names behind your back.

Coworker: *Looks wide-eyed in shock at first and turns to me* Did you really say that?

Me: *Catching onto the joke* Yep, sure did. I also said how you like flirting with the guys around here and always bringing booze to work without sharing.

Customer: I can’t believe it! Not only did she say you look horrible, fat, and call you names behind your back, but now she’s saying you’re also a ho and a drunk! I wouldn’t take that if I were you. You should tattle on her to your manager about her pill-popping addiction.

Coworker: *Cracks up laughing*

Customer: Don’t worry, I’ll tell the manager for you. I’m on to her tricks.

(I cracked jokes with her the rest of the time, and I’m grateful she was able to bring a smile to my coworker’s face.)