Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to swap the hard drive from this old laptop into my new one.”

Me: “Okay, not a problem.”

(I ring her up and start work on switching the hard drives. I notice on the old laptop there is a band-aid over the webcam. After finishing work on it, the lady grabs the band-aid from the old computer and puts it over the webcam on the new one.)

Customer: “I put that there so they can’t watch me.”

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(A customer has asked me to spell the name of the city, Indianapolis.)

Me: “I-n-d..”

Customer: “I-m-b…”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, that was I-n-d…”

Customer: “I-n-b…”

Me: “That’s d, like dog.”

Customer: “Oh. Okay.”

Me: “Okay… you got that?”

Customer: “I got it.”

Me: “…i-a-n…”

Customer: “…i-a-m…”

Me: “That was an n, like Nancy.”

Customer: “I have I-m-b-i-n-d-o-k-i-a-m-n.”

Me: “Let’s start at the beginning.”

Customer: “Oh. Okay.”

Me: “I-n-d…”

Customer: “I-n-d?”

Me: “Yes. …i-a-n…”

Customer: “All right, now I have I-n-d-i-a-m-i-m-b-i-n-d-o-k-i-a-m-n – is that how you spell Minneapolis?”

Me: “No. It is not.”

Customer: “Must be all them funny Indian letters. Okay, I’ll send this to you. Goodbye.”

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Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Uh… how many pieces are in your nine-piece bucket?”

Me: *jokingly* “Seven. I’m taking two out for you asking that question.”

Customer: “Seven? That’s a good deal!”

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Customer: “Hey, I have an overdue charge on this book. Can I get it removed?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but if you kept the book past the due date, then I can’t remove the charge.”

Customer: “Then can I just keep the book?”

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(At the bookstore where I work, we sell tickets for local events.)

Customer: “Hi. I’d like tickets.”

Me: “All right, for which show?”

Customer: “I don’t know. I heard about it on the radio today, but I can’t remember who it is.”

Me: “Did they say when the concert was?”

Customer: “Um…”

Me: “Was it coming up soon?”

Customer: *shrugs*

Me: “Do you remember anything at all about it?”

Customer: “I think the guy’s name was…” *spews out a couple syllables as he tries to guess a name*

Me: “Is it [Name]?”

Customer: “Yeah! That’s the one! I want tickets for that show!”

Me: “Unfortunately, that show is tonight, and it’s been sold out for the past week.”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “There haven’t been tickets available for a few days now.”

Customer: “You’ve got to be kidding me! I’ve been waiting ages to go see this show, and now you’re telling me I can’t? This is ridiculous!”