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10 Crazy Stories About How Working Retail Is Just Like The Zombie Apocalypse

| Right | May 24, 2021

Dear readers,

The mindless hordes, the dead eyes, the smell, the shuffling yet determined gait toward the mall… yes – customers can be a handful. Similarities to the zombie apocalypse, unfortunately, don’t come with the usual solutions (double-tapping customers is sadly frowned upon by management), so instead, retail staff has to treat them like human beings.

We’ve rounded up ten stories from our archives about customers and zombies. Some of them are perfectly pleasant; others might need to lay off the Romero for a while. Either way, we hope you enjoy and remember to keep an eye out for zombie customers on your next trip to the mall!


Posthumous Post-Modernism, Part 2 – The answer is money. It’s almost always money.

You Have No Brrraaaiiins – It was a dark and snowy night… and the customers were as stupid as ever.

Zombies Need Healthcare Too – Unfortunately, it would appear that you are suffering from being alive.

Zombies Need Contractors Too – Don’t mind me, your Resident nerd.

The Working Dead – Of all the weird questions to be asked at work… this one’s not so bad, actually.

Mall Of The Living Dead – It never hurts to be prepared!

Zombies Need Friends Too – This is cute, but, uh… what kind of movies is this kid watching?!

Jane Austinpocalypse – Wait until they hear about Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

The Fully-Insured Walking Dead – Now that’s how you upsell!

Their Service Is Undead – Hits from the comments: “So does this mean Motorhead and Garlic are considered business expenses?”


We hope you enjoyed this Zombies-themed roundup! Want to send in your own story? Submit your story here!

Some other roundups to check out if you liked this one:

23 Stories That Prove Bad Customers Are Scarier Than Vampires


15 Scary Stories About Horror Movies – Welcome To Spooky Season!


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