Looking For The Zombie Entrance

, , , , | Right | April 30, 2019

(I am working when I hear my coworker call my name. An elderly man has just entered the kitchen via the back door, so I go to tell him his mistake.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, you’ve come in the wrong door. This is the kitchen.”

Customer: “What?!”

Me: “This is the staff entrance, sir. I’m afraid you can’t be in here.”

Customer: “Well, can’t I just come through, anyway?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t let you do that; it’s against health and safety regulations.”

Customer: *suddenly angry* “Well, what if I was dead, huh? Could I come in your kitchen if I was dead?”

Me: “Uh… Let me just show you the way to the main entrance, sir…”

(Try as I might, I couldn’t think of any circumstances where being in our kitchen could benefit a dead person!)

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Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 71

, , , , | Romantic | January 10, 2018

(I asked my wife the question. I was raised in the South and went hunting a lot.)

Me: “What would you do if I was bitten by a zombie?”

Wife: “Logically, I’d shoot you. But in reality I have no idea.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure I’d shoot you, but I’m better with guns than you are.”

Wife: “This is true. Eh, we’re together enough that we’d probably be bitten at the same time, anyway.”

Me: “Fair enough.”

Related:
Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 70
Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 69
Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 68

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The Uninsured Dead

, , , , | Healthy | October 24, 2017

(A few months ago we signed up for pet insurance for all four of our animals. This month, we got caught by surprise by the payment and as a result, one of the payments did not process correctly. This is the email we got regarding the payment that did not process:)

Email: “Please call us on [number] or email us quoting [policy number] in regards to your insurance payment for your pet Zombie.”

(Punctuation is EVERYTHING.)

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Weekly Roundup: Zombies

, | Right | May 19, 2013

Weekly Roundup: Zombies. This week’s roundup is about the undead. ‘Nuff said.

  1. Five Days Later (6,534 thumbs up)
  2. Jane Austinpocalypse (2,356 thumbs up)
  3. Zombies Need Friends Too (1,396 thumbs up)
  4. Hear, Speak, Say, Play No Evil (3,556 thumbs up)
  5. Zombies Need Contractors Too (1,515 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Will Someone Please Think Of The Zombie Children

, | Right | February 19, 2012

(I’m just stocking the game shelf, when a mother with her kid approaches me.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, can I help you with something?””

Customer: “Young man, I was looking at the content on the back of this game box. Is there nudity in this game? It says ‘brief nudity’ on the box. Is this game appropriate for my child?”

(The kid hands me the game. It is a platinum copy of Dead Rising for XBOX 360. The kid looks ten at the oldest.)

Me: “Not that I can recall. Usually, that means people in their underwear. However, I am required to at least warn you that the game contains graphic violence. Are you sure you want to buy this game for your child?”

Customer: “Hmph! He sees enough violence on TV. I just want to know if there is nudity in the game!” *storms away with the game for her kid*

 

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