(I’m cleaning up around the cashier station while the following transaction takes place with my coworker. Our premium sides — baked potatoes, loaded baked potatoes, side salads, and mac and cheese — are either 29 or 99 cents extra. A customer orders a meal that comes with two sides.)

Coworker: “Your sides, ma’am?”

Customer: “I’ll have green beans and a baked potato.”

Coworker: “The baked potato will be 29 cents extra; is that okay?”

Customer: “Since when?! I always come here, and I’m always allowed to switch out the fries with a baked potato, because I don’t want fries!”

Coworker: “Since forever, ma’am. You’re allowed to choose any two sides you want, but our premium sides have always been 29 cents extra.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous, because whenever I come here I always get a baked potato in place of fries, and they never charge me for it! Get me your manager, now!”

(My coworker calls our manager to come up. Keep in mind that whenever someone asks for a premium side and it is rung up, it automatically charges 29 cents to the bill.)

Manager: “Hello, ma’am. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Your employee is trying to charge me for something I have never paid for. I always get a baked potato in place of fries and have never been charged for it. This must be new or something.”

Manager: “Ma’am, we have always charged extra for premium sides. That is nothing new.”

Customer: “Well, I’ve been coming here for 15 years, and I can assure you I’ve never paid extra for anything.”

Manager: “I’ve been working here for a little over a year now, and we’ve charged extra for those sides since before I was even here.”

Customer: “I want the number to corporate to complain, because this is ridiculous. I’m never coming here again, because you’re trying to cheat me out of my money.”

Manager: “Of course. Go ahead. I’ll write it down for you.”

(My manager writes it down and hands it to the customer, who then proceeds to call corporate right there at the counter. On her way out, she stops by me while I’m sweeping.)

Customer: “You! You took my order before, and you never charged me extra for it.”

(She finally walked out, and my manager asked what she said to me. I told her and went back to working. The customer was on the phone in her car for 30 minutes after she walked out. Just sitting in the parking lot. Who gets mad over 29 cents?)

(Our smoke detectors are wired into our home security system, which is wired through our cable phone line. Over a period of a couple of months, our security system keeps randomly going off in the middle of the night a couple of times a week. The security company always calls when this happens to advise they got an alarm and to make sure everything is okay. Our phone line goes dead for a couple of minutes after every false alarm before the call comes in, so we assume — incorrectly, as we found out later — that brief cable outages are causing the system to malfunction. We tell this to the security company representatives whenever they call. This is yet another call at 3:00 am.)

Security Rep: “We’ve received an alarm from your residence.”

Me: *groggy* “Yeah, we keep getting these calls. I think it’s because of the cable going out. Can someone please figure out how to make it stop?”

Security Rep: “Can you please provide the password for the account?”

(A password hasn’t been required for these types of calls in the past.)

Me: “I don’t remember the password. We set it up three years ago and haven’t had to use it.”

Security Rep: “I’m sorry. I can’t discuss anything further with you without the password.”

Me: “I don’t remember it. I can give you the security code for the alarm.”

Security Rep: “Nope, that won’t work. I need the password you set up when you opened the account.”

Me: “No one has asked for it before. Can’t you just ask me some security questions?”

Security Rep: “No, I need the password.”

Me: “But I don’t remember it, and you called me about the alarm. I’ve told your reps before that I think it’s because of a cable outage. Can I speak to someone that can stop these calls? I need to get up for work in a couple of hours, and I can’t have these calls coming in the middle of the night for no reason.”

Security Rep: “I can’t share anything without the password.”

Me: “You called me about an alarm. Can you at least tell me what kind of alarm it is so I can call back later with all the details?”

Security Rep: “I didn’t call about an alarm. I can’t tell you anything, but it wasn’t an alarm.”

Me: *getting frustrated* “Well, alarm, alert, whatever it was, are you telling me I can’t speak to anyone about my account?”

Security Rep: “I can’t tell you anything without a password.”

Me: “I don’t remember the password. Is there someone else I can speak to so we can fix this?”

Security Rep: “No, there’s no one else.”

Me: “So, you’re saying I’ll never be able to speak to anyone about the alarm, or alert, or whatever you want to call it, because I don’t remember a word we set up three years ago?”

Security Rep: “I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you anything except it wasn’t an alarm.”

Me: “So, I can never speak to anyone about my account without this password?”

Security Rep: “That’s right. I can’t do anything without the password.”

Me: “I’m sorry. This just seems insane. You call me in the middle of the night, and you won’t tell me anything, and now you’re saying I can’t fix this because I can’t remember my password?”

Security Rep: “Well, you can come into the office on Monday and someone can reset that for you.”

(She couldn’t have started with that? We did reset the password and figure out what was causing the false alarms.)

(I’m out of town one evening and find I’m too tired to drive the three hours home. I suddenly, and unexpectedly, need a hotel room. With no advanced reservation, I have to check a couple of places until I find a room. While checking in:)

Front Desk Clerk: “We have one room left. But, the door lock is broken; it won’t lock. So, you have to make sure to use the security lock once you’re in the room.”

Me: *too tired to keep looking for a different hotel* “That’s fine.”

(I drop my stuff in the room and decide to have a few beers at the bar. Once back at the room a couple of hours later, I go in and lock the security lock. Tipsy from the beers and now really tired, I sit down on the end of the bed, switch the TV on, and promptly fall asleep… fully clothed, half laying on the bed, feet still on the floor. I’m awoken at about three in the morning by two men and a woman in my room.)

Man #1: “WHO ARE YOU, SIR?!”

Man #2: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THIS ROOM?!”

Woman: *running around the room frantically* “WHERE’S MY BAG?! I HAD A BLUE SUITCASE! WHERE IS IT?!”

(When I was lucid enough to realize the men were a security guard and a hotel worker — they had used a special tool to open the security lock — I explained that I had checked into this room and had no idea what was going on right now. Turns out, the woman had checked in earlier. She wasn’t happy about the issue with the door lock. So, when another room opened up, they changed her room assignment and moved her belongings. Problem was, she was at a wedding all night. Although the clerk tried to call her to let her know, he couldn’t get through to her. Then, when there was a shift change at the front desk, the guy who checked me in didn’t tell his relief what had happened. Thankfully, it got sorted out and they comped me the room.)

(Another staff member and I unofficially run our department because the manager who is supposed to run it only ever works at the registers and usually has no interest in anything else. But there is also another staff member who thinks he runs the store. He’s made some of our staff put stock out in a particular way, and had it wrongly priced. I am about to put it right when the store manager comes along.)

Store Manager: “Who did this?”

Me: “[Coworker #1] and [Coworker #2] put it out this way; I’m just about to redo it.”

Store Manager: “Why did you let them do this? You are supposed to be supervising them.”

Me: “I didn’t. I was at lunch. [Coworker #3] told them to do it this way.”

Store Manager: “[Coworker #3]? When will people ever learn he doesn’t run this store?”

(A few days later, the store manager is away, and for the first time, the woman who is supposed to run our section decides she will take an active role in our section — for about five minutes. She has the brought [Coworker #3] with her.)

Department Manager: *looking at stock she has no idea about* “Where is this going?”

Me: “It’s going in the floor stack right here. I have to condense this stock to fit it.” *pointing to other stock* “I’m about to start on it right now.” *I describe how I’ll set it up*

Department Manager: *turns to the other coworker* “Is that okay with you if [My Name] does it that way?”

(Maybe the store manager should have told his second in command that [Coworker #3] doesn’t run the store.)

(I’m working the security gatehouse at a TV production studio. A “supporting artist” for a new TV show walks up to the metal pedestrian exit gate, presses the release button, and waits. This is a metal gate with no electronic parts, plainly not automatic.)

Me: *leaning out* “Hi there! You need to pull the gate open after you press the release button, please.”

Extra: “It’s not working!” *points at the gate*

Me: “I’m sorry; it’s not automatic. It’s a door you have to pull open yourself.”

Extra: *thumping the release button* “It’s not working. Look!”

(I sigh, walk outside, move her gently aside, push the button, and pull the gate open for her.)

Me: “See? You just push the button, then pull the gate.”

(She walks through to leave, then turns around angrily.)

Extra: “It’s broken! You should get that fixed!”