Blue Screen Is Caused By Lack Of Green

, , , | Right | December 6, 2018

(Before my recent retirement, I spent about three decades at a local TV station as an engineer. Viewer calls concerning reception problems usually get transferred to the engineering department. I take this call one day from a very nice, older lady.)

Caller: “Hello. Are you the engineer?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, how can I help you?”

Caller: “I’m trying to watch your station, but all I see is a blue screen and no sound.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, so that I can narrow the problem down, are you watching us over the air with an antenna, or are you a subscriber to one of the cable or satellite companies?”

Caller: “I watch over [Cable Company].”

Me: “Okay. I’m looking at a TV set connected to an antenna, and our signal is fine there, so let me check with [Cable Company] and see if they’re having problems.”

(Fifteen or twenty minutes later, after a call to the cable provider, I call the lady back.)

Me: “Ma’am, this is [My Name] at [TV Station].”

Caller: “Oh, I’m so glad you called back. I found out what the problem was!”

Me: “Well, that’s great, ma’am. What was it?”

Caller: “I realized I hadn’t paid my cable bill in three months; they cut me off!”

Captioning Live Shows Is A Lottery

, , | Right | August 27, 2018

(I work for a television company, providing captioning for the deaf. We have two types of captions: live — for live programmes like sport, news, etc. — and file — for pre-recorded programmes like soap operas, drama, etc. The people who press the buttons to make programmes get on your TV are from a department called Playout. The phone rings.)

Me: “Captioning, how can I help?”

Playout: “Hello there. I’m just calling to ask about the lottery results programme this evening.”

Me: “Yes, how can I help?”

Playout: “Can you tell me if this programme is live or pre-recorded?”

Me: “If the lottery results were pre-recorded, pal, I wouldn’t be here to answer the phone.”

Playout: “Oh, um, yes… Thanks. Bye!”

Totally Estúpido! Part 4

, , , | Right | March 13, 2018

(I work at a TV station, and I am answering the Closed Captioning issues phone.)

Me: “Hello, Master Control.”

Viewer: “Why aren’t the captions in English?”

(I check the closed captioning against the dialogue being spoken.)

Me: “Oh, the captioning is in Spanish because they’re speaking Spanish.”

Viewer: “Well, why isn’t it translating it into English?”

Me: “That’s not what closed captioning is for. It’s for the deaf.”

Viewer: “Well, can’t you make it be in English?”

Me: “No, I can’t. Again, that’s not what captioning is for. It’s so the deaf—”

Viewer: “F***ers.” *click*

Totally Estupido, Part 3
Totally Estupido, Part 2
Totally Estupido

Life Is Stranger Than Soap-Opera Fiction

, , , , , | Right | November 22, 2017

(A local news story about a little girl who was murdered makes national headlines. Our station cuts into the afternoon’s soap opera with breaking news regarding the case.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Station]. How can I assist you?”

Caller: “Why are you interrupting my stories? You can’t do that!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is breaking news regarding the murder case. A lot of people want to know what’s going on.”

Caller: “I know the little girl is dead and all, but you just can’t take people’s television away from them!” *click*

(Sadly that was only one of the many calls we were inundated with during that time.)

Found The ME In Team

| USA | Working | December 1, 2014

(My boss signs our department up to pass out promotional items at local high school football games. This has previously been done by any employee who cared to volunteer, but for some reason, that was no longer good enough. A game is suddenly added to the schedule and the boss is running around the department.)

Boss: “Hey, [Coworker #1], can you go to the game tonight?”

Coworker #1: “No, sorry, I’m signed up for a dinner at church.”

Boss: “Can’t you skip it?”

Coworker #1: “I’ve already committed. I really can’t.”

Boss: *sighs* “FINE. Hey, [Coworker #2], what about you? You can leave early!”

Coworker #2: “I can’t. I’m working my second job tonight.”

Boss: “Why can’t you call in?”

Coworker #2: “Because I could get fired?”

Boss: “Oh, fine.”

(I am the only person in our department who works a later shift.)

Me: “I can do it if you want me to.”

Boss: “No, you need to stay here.”

Me: “But I could run out there for a couple of hours and get back in time to wrap things up.”

Boss: “No.”

Me: “Well… then why don’t YOU do it?”

Boss: *turns to face me with a look of disgust on his face.* “Because I’m the HEAD of the department!”

Me: *whispering after he walks away* “What a team player!”