Wants To See People In Their Totality

, , , , , | Right | September 8, 2017

(Living in Portland, my job has had a massive influx of people trying to get a better look at the 2017 solar eclipse. Most have come very early to avoid traffic, and many are trying to find something to do while they wait. Two days before the eclipse, I have this interaction:)

Me: “Hi, do you have [rewards card]?”

Customer: “No, we’re just in town for the week. You know, the eclipse. Do you like bouncy balls?”

Me: “Uh, sure.”

Customer: “Well, here’s a bouncy ball I had left over.” *holds up a bouncy ball*

Me: “Ah, thanks.”

Customer: “But in exchange, you have to tell me the name of the best strip club in town.”

Me: “…Uh, dunno.”

Customer: “They all that bad?”

Me: “No, that’s just not my thing.”

Customer: “So… you’re…?”

Me: “Nope. Straight.”

Customer: “…So, then—”

Me: “Here’s your receipt, sir, have a nice day.”

And I Am Imbecile Intolerant

, , , , , | Right | September 7, 2017

Customer: “Hi. I want some sandwich meat, but I’m on a diet, so I can’t have anything with too much salt.”

Me: “Well, our beef has no added salt, so that should work for you.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I’m lactose intolerant. Unless your beef only comes from boy cows?”

Something In The Weather

, , , | Right | September 6, 2017

(One of my many responsibilities is collecting shopping carts from the deposit spaces in the parking lot and returning them to their designated area. One snowy day, a pickup truck parks right next to the deposit space I’m occupying. A middle-aged man steps out of the truck and immediately proceeds to flirt with me. Note that despite my long hair and slender build, I am a very heterosexual male.)

Caller: “Now, what kind of jack-a** would make a pretty little lady like you work in this weather?”

Me: *in the deepest voice I can muster* “Guess again, buddy.”

(He stared  at me for a minute in complete silence, and then slowly got back into his truck, and drove off without another word. He never even entered the store.)

When Life Gives You Lemons, Don’t Hire Them

, , , , | Working | September 6, 2017

(I’m a supervisor in a store and we hire a new employee. I agree to train her on the tills as I often operate them myself, have previously trained other new staff successfully, and will be working the same shift as the new employee most weeks. I am also shift manager the day she comes in for her first training session, and have been given instructions to arrange a second and maybe even third training shift the following week, as the cashier she is replacing leaves the week after. After two hours on the till with her, she’s struggling, but no more than some of the others.)

Me: “You did really well today, so I just need to know when you can come in next week for your next training shift.”

Employee: “I can’t. I’m on holiday next week. I was under the impression that I started the week after.”

Me: “We really need you to do more training, since you’re expected to be able to work independently by your first official shift.”

Employee: “Well, I can’t. I’m sure I’ll be fine. I have to go now; my flight is this evening, so I’ll see you when I get back.”

(I call the managers who, as suspected, were unaware that she wasn’t available to train. But there’s nothing we can do. A week later I’m shift manager for her first full shift. An hour after start…)

Employee: “My back hurts, I need to go home.”

(I have to let her. The next day she comes in again when my manager is in. I spend another hour going through everything with her. Ten minutes after I leave to get in with a job, the bell rings for a supervisor to the till.)

Employee: “How do I ring up lemons?”

Me: “Well, the easiest way is if you press this button that I showed you earlier, type in ‘l-e’ for lemons, and select it from there, but there’s also this list printed by the till with the common produce codes, see?

Employee: “Okay, got it.”

(Five minutes later, the bell rings again.)

Employee: “How do I ring up limes?”

Me: “Same way as the lemons.”

Employee: “And how do I do that?”

(I showed her again. Five minutes later, the bell rang and she needed help with something else I had already shown her. Then ten minutes passed before she needed help with the same thing again. This continued the rest of the shift and for my next three shifts; I really struggled to keep my patience. The managers, another supervisor, and another cashier all tried explaining things to her as well. At the end of the week, I left for a booked week off, and when I got back, she wasn’t there anymore.)

Unfiltered Story #92627

, | Unfiltered | September 5, 2017

I’m working at a register in a grocery store. Near the start of my shift, a scraggly-looking old man comes through. I scan his stuff, everything’s going fine, but then we get to the payment.
Me: That’ll be (amount).
Customer: I wanna get cash back.
Me: Okay, just put your card in the pad, and you should get a prompt.
(He does that.)
Customer: It just says “amount OK.”
(I realize he might be trying to do this with a credit card; very few credit cards allow cash back.)
Me: Sir, is that a credit card or a debit card?
(He stares at me blankly for a moment, and then points at the card.)
Customer: It’s in there.
Me: I’m sorry?
Customer: It’s in there.
Me: Yes, I see the card in the pad, sir. I’m just asking if it’s a credit card or a debit card.
(He stares at me again.)
Customer: It’s in there.
(I realize I’m probably not going to get anywhere with this line of questioning, so I decide to make it clear for him.)
Me: Sir, if that’s a credit card, you can’t get cash back with it.
Customer: I wanna get cash back. It’s in there.
(We go back and forth for about a minute. Another customer has queued up behind him. While this is going on, he shoot me an apologetic look.)
Me: Sir, you cannot get cash back with this card. Please just press ‘yes’ when it says amount okay.
(He pushes ‘no’ and then enters $20 into the prompt, presumably to get $20 cash back. He just pays $20 instead.)
Me: Sir, you’ve just payed $20, you still owe me (amount).
Customer: Where’s my cash back?
Me: You. CANNOT. Get. Cash. Back. With. A. Credit. Card.
Customer: It’s in there.
(I eventually manage to cajole him into paying the rest of his bill. As he’s leaving, he says this:)
Customer: This is why I hate these dumb computers, takes forever to do anything.
(I just want to make it clear, this was not a foreign guy. We were both speaking perfect English. I have no clue why he wasn’t understanding me.)

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