(I work at a small chain grocery store at the customer service desk. This woman calls in claiming to have been triple-charged, and I tell her to come in the next day with her receipt.)

Customer: “Hi. I spoke to [My Name] on the phone yesterday, and she told me to come in today with my receipt for a refund.”

Me: “Hi! Yes, I was the person you spoke to yesterday. Let’s take a look at your receipt.”

(I look at her receipt, and she has a total written down next to her balance that is $20 less.)

Me: “Ma’am, you got your three free items. You purchased three and got three free. Here, I’ll circle it for you.”

(I circle the free items in red and the paid items in green.)

Customer: “No! You’re wrong! My total should be $82.91 and not $102.91! I was overcharged!”

(I take out my calculator and calculate her total which comes up to her subtotal.)

Me: “Ma’am, your total is correct. You weren’t overcharged. I promise.”

Customer: “No. You’re wrong. I’m going to go home and calculate my total on my husband’s $200 calculator, and if it’s different than what I paid, I’m coming back for a refund.”

(She never came back.)

(I have just broken up an altercation between a racist, white customer and an employee. The customer left but the employee looks like she wants to cry and curl up into a ball. I leave her with my sister and go looking for the manager. I see an employee on their way into the stock room.)

Me: “Hey, can you grab your manager for me for one second?”

Worker: “Okay.”

(A minute and a half later the manager comes out, looking worried.)

Manager: “You wanted to see me?”

Me: “Yeah, this racist customer was yelling at your employee, [Employee,] and she’s really upset. I think you need to send her home or on break or something.”

(The manager looks visibly relieved.)

Manager: “Oh, good, I was told there was a customer who was mad outside.”

Me: “Uh, no… but you do have a worker who’s upset and about to cry in the cookie aisle.”

Manager: “Yeah, yeah, I’ll get on that. I’m just so glad I’m not going to have another customer yell at me.”

Me: “No, that’s just left to your workers.”

(He flushed and quickly went to assist his worker.)

(I am a bagger at a grocery store. I overhear the following gem from a customer next to the register I’m working at.)

Customer: *holds up a bag of Doritos* “How much for this bag of air?”

(I work in a grocery store in the deli department. It is very close to closing time for our department. I’m pretty tired when this customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Do you have any lactose cheese?”

Me: “Um… we’re done slicing for the night, but I can help you look on the shelf. What kind of cheese?”

Customer: “I don’t know, lactose cheese!”

Me: “Ma’am, lactose just means it has milk in it. Are you looking for a swiss, a cheddar—“

Customer: “Yes! Cheddar!”

Me: “Okay.”

(We go look and I find that all the cheddar cheeses on our shelves have milk, and therefore lactose, in them.)

Me: “Was there a specific brand you were looking for?”

Customer: “I don’t know! He just needs lactose cheese for his diet! He has to have lactose!”

Me: “Well… all these cheeses have lactose in them… but I’ve never heard of needing lactose for a diet. I’ve heard of lactose-free cheese—“

Customer: “Yes! Lactose-free!”

Me: *sudden realization* “Ohhh, you mean lactose-free cheese… Um…”

(My coworker sees me struggling with this customer.)

Coworker: “Can I help you find something?”

Customer: “Yes! Lactose cheese!”

Me: “Lactose-free cheese…”

Coworker: “Ah, yes, that would most likely be in our kosher section.”

Me: *lightly slaps head* “Urgh, how did I forget about the kosher section?”

Coworker: “It’s just down here, this way.”

(My coworker finished helping the customer find the cheese while I went back to the department to finish cleaning the last slicer and marvel at how brainless both the customer and I were.)

(I’m a minor working the closing shift at a grocery store. Around 30 minutes before closing, a customer comes through my line with a box of Gushers candy. I’m tired, but I still try to be nice and make small talk.)

Me: “Wow, I haven’t had Gushers in a long time. I still love them, though!”

Customer: “Do you want some?”

Me: “A-are you sure?”

(He has already started to open the box.)

Customer: “Yeah, why not?”

Me: “Oh, no, it’s fine! You don’t have to.”

(He proceeds to put two bags of Gushers on the counter.)

Customer: “There’s one, and there’s two.”

Me: “Thank you so much!”

(He quickly left the store. Later, my friend from customer service came over and I gave one of the Gusher bags to her. That guy really made my night! If you’re reading this, thank you!)