(I work in a department that lets customers place orders online and pick them up at the store later that day. If a customer has a problem with their order, then we have to try and fix it in the office located at the front of the store. Usually they just want to add something to their order, or check and make sure that it went through. I am about as far away as from the office as possible when the phone rings.)
Me: (Store) (Department), this is (Name).
Customer: Yes, hi. I’m having a problem with my order.
Me: (Immediately starts to hurry to the office, still on the phone) Okay, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I’m trying to place an order for later today, but it won’t let me. I keep clicking on submit, but it’s not doing anything. It’s frozen I think.
(By this point, I am almost to the office.)
Me: Well, did you try refreshing the page?
Customer: No, let me try that…
(I stop right outside the door)
Customer: That worked! Thank you.
Me: You’re welcome. Have a good day.
(I hang up the phone and sigh before heading back to where I was before.)

I’m working the express lane during the tail end of the lunch rush. I see the customer is purchasing four bottles of wine, which means he gets a free wine bag, so I get one before starting his transaction.

Customer: *Rudely* “Can I get a wine carrier?”

I hold up the wine bag.

Me: “That’s what this is, sir.”

Customer: “No, they’re usually cardboard.”

He looks around and spots one of our old boxes that was brought in by a customer earlier in the day and snatches it from the other register.

Me: “Sir, we’ve changed over to these new ones now; we don’t use those anymore.”

The customer begins loading wine into the box before I’m able to even scan them. He is pissed off.

Customer: “Can I just buy these and get the one I want?”

Me: “Uh… okay.”

We finished out the transaction and I offered him a new bag, which was free, despite his rudeness. He leaves and I turned to help the next customer. The next two customers tried to cheer me up, one suggesting that I should’ve carded him just to piss him off.

I work at a well-known grocery store, which is where this happens; an important detail is that I always wear bright red lipstick. Another thing is that, even though I’m twenty here, I still only look fifteen.

A couple in their fifties or so comes through my till with their cart full of groceries. As I check them out, the following interaction occurs.

Husband: “That’s nice lipstick you’re wearing.”

Me: “Oh, thank you!”

Husband: “Can I lick it off?”

I pause here, because I think he couldn’t have possibly said what I think he just said.

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Husband: “Can I lick it off?”

As I’m struggling for words, his wife steps in.

Wife: “You shouldn’t say that!”

Husband: “Why not?”

Wife: “She doesn’t like it!”

I’ve had enough of him.

Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

Then, I turn to his wife, who is still being pleasant, and carry on the transaction, thoroughly creeped out. The guy leaves after a few seconds, and at the end, his wife apologizes.

Wife: “I’m sorry about him; he’s learning boundaries.”

Then, she left. If your husband is still learning boundaries in his mid-fifties, it’s time to throw the whole man out. It was probably the creepiest thing to happen during my time working there, and that’s saying something.

I am working on paperwork when a little old lady approaches the service desk. She is rubbing her pants in the crotch area.

Customer: “Do you have that thing that makes it wet?”

I look up and notice what she’s doing with her hand.

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “That thing that makes it wet?” 

I call over another coworker to take over so I can duck behind the desk and start laughing. 

Coworker: “What did you need help finding?”

Customer: “It drips.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry?” 

I walked away. I found out later that the woman had needed feminine pads. It took my coworker three more times to figure out what she wanted, given her very vague descriptions.

Manager 1: So this customer came up to me and asked if (Manager 3) was Puerto Rican.
Manager 2: What?
Manager 1: Yeah. She insisted he must be Puerto Rican.
(Manager 2 bursts out laughing. Manager 3 is extremely obviously white and has zero accent at all.)
Manager 3: Yeah, I’m not.