Aluminum Foiled His Plans

, , , , | Right | January 9, 2020

(A customer comes up to the grocery store deli counter and asks for some chicken tenders. After I package them in a bag and place a barcode on it, I give it to him. A few minutes after, as I am cleaning out parts of the deli, I notice that the same customer is still around with his smartphone out around the salad bar. I stop what I am doing and go to him.)

Me: “Hello. Is there anything else you want?”

Customer: “No. I’m just taking a picture here.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I head back and continued to clean up the place. Not too long after, the customer leaves. Around thirty minutes later, a couple of customer service workers are standing where the customer was earlier. I look at them and I realize that they are looking for something, so I stop wiping down the table and go over to them.)

Me: “Hello. Is there anything wrong?”

Customer Service #1: “Yeah. We received a complaint about there being a piece of metal on a turkey breast.”

Customer Service #2: “He was going, ‘I took a picture of it and everything.’”

Me: *recalling said customer who was taking a picture* “Mind if I help you out?”

Customer Service #2: “Sure!”

(I go around the case and stand near the two workers. Soon enough, I do see a very small metallic shine, though I have a good idea of what it really is. I open up the salad bar case and remove it.)

Me: “It’s aluminum foil.”

Customer Service #1: *clearly annoyed* “Are you freaking kidding me?!”

(The two workers walked away as I wondered why the customer didn’t tell me about his concerns.)

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Well, This Turned Into A Complete Wreck…

, , , , | Legal | January 9, 2020

A woman goes to my local grocery store and loads her cart up with food and goods. She goes right by the checkout and straight out of the store; she begins loading up her car with the stolen items. 

Right before she finishes, the manager and a security guard go out to confront her. Seeing them coming, the lady abandons what’s left in her cart. She dives into the driver’s seat and starts up the vehicle. Seeing she’s about to flee, the security guard yanks her back door open and jumps inside. The lady peels out of the parking lot, hitting the manager with her bumper as she does so — though at such a low speed no harm is done.

The security guard, still in her vehicle, makes demands that she stop the car or go back to the store. However, according to the lady, he tries to wrest control of the vehicle away from her. 

The car darts down the road, way over the speed limit, and to the highway without stopping at the light. An oncoming truck broadsides the vehicle, sending the shoplifter and the security guard careening into the concrete median. The vehicle is completely smashed.

The guard is ricocheted all around the back seat and knocked unconscious with a bleeding head injury. He winds up being life-flighted. A witness to the crash and the truck driver tell what they saw of the accident. However, the lady insists the security guard was trying to fight her for control of the vehicle and the crash is all his fault. 

The cops on the scene arrested her for abduction, but her lawyer is arguing that the security guard was at fault, that there’s no abduction since he forced himself into the vehicle, and that he should be charged with assault himself. With him still unconscious, all they have is her word to go on.

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Customer Reactions Are A Lottery

, , , , | Right | January 9, 2020

(This occurs the night of a drawing for a large-winnings lottery. It’s the highest the payout has been in recent memory, and everyone is buying lottery tickets for it, even those who don’t normally play. All day long, I’ve gotten, “[Number of Plays] of [Game]” in response to my, “How are you?” and I’m getting sick of being seen as a lotto robot instead of a person. I get one too many customers doing this, and finally I snap.)

Me: “Hi! How are you?”

Customer: “[Game].”

Me: *irritated* “Really? That’s funny, I’m feeling pretty [Other Game] myself; thank you for not asking!”

(The customer gapes at me while the line goes quiet, and I immediately realize I’ve let my customer service go. Before I can even begin to apologize, the customer laughs.)

Customer: “I’m sorry, I deserved that. I’m fine, thank you. How are you?”

(I and the line visibly relaxed, and his transaction ran smoothly. Everyone in line after him who heard me made sure to respond to me properly and politely.)

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Man! I Feel Like A Bigot

, , , , , | Right | January 8, 2020

(My dad and I are waiting in line at the checkout of a local grocer. There’s one young woman in her early thirties ahead of us who has been complaining the entire time. The cashier — a young boy no older than seventeen — is doing his best to process her as quickly as possible. To the poor kid’s dismay, the woman starts screaming at him about being too slow. Just a note, I’m a feminist but have zero tolerance for sexism on either side.)

Customer: “You men are all alike! I bet you’re just keeping me here so long because I’m a woman! You think I’m buying these groceries just to get home to my family and cook for them! Well, I’ll have you know I have my husband cook! Let the useless man do something for once!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry you feel that way, ma’am. I think you should know, however, I do not think bad of you–”

Customer: “SHUT UP! YOU USELESS PIECE OF S***! I’LL HAVE YOU FIRED! YOU DON’T TALK; YOU’RE JUST THE STUPID CASH BOY! I’M THE CUSTOMER!”

Cashier: “Ma’am–”

Customer: “I’M A FEMINIST! I’LL HAVE YOU FIRED, YOU BIGOT! NOW HURRY UP, YOU F****** C*** B****!”

(I’ve had enough and step in. I’m six feet tall and I tower a good foot over this lady.)

Me: *to my dad, loud enough for the whole line to hear* “Wow, bigot alert!”

Customer: *whipping around to glare at me* “I’M NOT A BIGOT! HE’S THE BIGOT! GOOD FOR NOTHING MEN!”

(My dad rolls his eyes, figuring it would be best not to step into an argument between me and this woman.)

Me: “Did I say, ‘bigot’? I meant ‘misandrist.’”

Customer: *scoffing as if I’m stupid* “It’s pronounced ‘misogynist’! And how could you turn on your own gender?! Women are supposed to support each other!”

Me: *as sweetly as I can* “Oh, I’m sorry, the discrimination card is two-sided.”

(She turned red and turned around and walked out without her groceries. We heard her storm out of the parking lot. I apologized to the cashier and gave him a tip. A couple of days later, he told me that the woman tried to return to buy the groceries she had left behind. She blew up when she found that they’d been put back on the shelves, and she had to be escorted out when she found out she was banned from the chain! Sweet justice!)

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Unfiltered Story #182195

, , | Unfiltered | January 6, 2020

(I work as a cashier at a grocery store. Every saturday morning, like clockwork, a man would come in and buy a ton of cucumbers and zucchini, a ton of knitting magazines… and a single jar of vasoline. Every single week he’d come in and buy the same thing. One week I decide to ask him about it.)

Me: (As I’m ringing him up) “So what do you do with all this zucchini?”

Man: “Oh you know, I just steam it. It’s really good for you.”

(I’m pretty sure his mouth isn’t exactly where all those cucumbers are going.)