I work at a grocery co-op in a gentrified old hippie neighborhood.

Customer: “Do you have organic salt?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “How many of these brands are organic?”

Me: “All of them.”

Customer: “No, they’re not. None of the containers say ‘organic.'”

Me: “They don’t need to. Salt is a mineral.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “Salt isn’t an agricultural product, so it isn’t certified organic in the same way that produce is.”

She examines one of the containers.

Customer: “But this says it’s one hundred percent sodium chloride.”

Me: “That’s right.”

Customer: “That sounds pretty man-made to me!”

Me: “They’re literally just two elements on the periodic table.”

Customer: “Ah-ha! See! The periodic table is man-made! I knew you were lying! This place would do anything for a sale!

I’m a cashier, and our employee-of-the-month sign is right behind me.

Customer: “Are you [Guy Coworker who’s employee of the month]?”

Me: *A female, visibly confused because my nametag says something completely different.* “No.”

Customer: “Well, why aren’t you employee of the month?”

Me: “Because [Guy Coworker’s Name] is.”

Customer: “Where is he?! I want to be checked out by the employee of the month.”

Me: “He’s not working today.”

Customer: “How can he not be at work right now?! He’s the employee of the month!”

Eventually, our store stopped doing employee of the month. Most customers didn’t give a s*** about it, and those who did acted weird, as this customer did.

We also didn’t give a s*** about it internally, as it didn’t get us any raises or have any impact on our annual assessments; all the winner got was a single free slice of pizza from the hot food counter.

I used to work at a grocery store. A customer is trying to buy a bagged, prepared hot sandwich from the deli.

Customer: “Why isn’t this scanning?!”

Me: “Oh, it looks like you’re trying to put in the payment as EBT.”

These are like government assistance food stamps.

Me: “Prepared food items are not eligible for EBT.”

Customer: *Angry.* “Why not?!”

Me: “It’s like buying prepared food from a restaurant.”

Customer: “Well, what am I supposed to do?!”

Me: “Well, you can buy a loaf of bread, some deli meat, tomatoes, lettuce, cheese, and make a sandwich at home. It might end up being about the same price or even cheaper.”

Based on where the sandwich ended up, this message was not well received…

I’m supervising the self-checkouts on a fairly quiet evening when a group of three lads comes in. They look about sixteen, but they’re doing that teenage thing where they’re trying to project confidence. I notice one of them has a four-pack of beer in his basket. I also notice his friend is carrying the alcohol-free version of the exact same beer.

They reach a self-checkout and begin whispering.

I’m standing about ten feet away. They apparently believe the bright supermarket uniform gives me camouflage.

[Teenager #1] scans the alcohol-free beer, while [Teenager #2] places the alcoholic version in the bag in the bagging area.

The checkout immediately flashes up an age-approval prompt. All three freeze.

Teenager #1: “What?!”

Teenager #2: “Why’s it asking for ID?!”

Teenager #3: “It’s alcohol-free!”

They stare accusingly at the machine as the red assistance light starts flashing, so I walk over.

Me: “Hi. What’s the problem?”

Teenager #2: “It’s asking for age approval, but this is alcohol-free.”

Me: “Yep. We still age-restrict alcohol-free beer.”

Teenager #1: “But there’s no alcohol in it!”

Me: “Store policy. I’ll need to see ID.”

There is a long silence.

Teenager #2: “We don’t have any.”

Me: “Okay, then I can’t approve it.”

Teenager #3: “But it’s not even real beer!”

Me: “Then you won’t mind leaving it behind.”

I reach for the alcohol-free pack. [Teenager #1] instinctively moves his basket away from me. Unfortunately for him, this gives me an excellent view of the four-pack of actual beer in the bagging area, which he had been trying to block from me earlier.

I look at it.

He looks at me.

I look at the alcohol-free beer on the scanner.

He looks at his friends.

Me: “Ah.”

Teenager #1: “That’s—”

Me: “The alcoholic version of the exact same beer?”

Teenager #1: “No.”

I pick up the alcohol-free pack and hold it next to the one in their bagging area.

Me: “Remarkable coincidence, then.”

Teenager #2: “That’s not ours.”

Me: “It’s in your bagging area. It’s already in one of your bags.”

Teenager #2: “We weren’t buying it.”

Me: “No, I gathered that. You were buying this one and then swapping it for that one.”

Teenager #3: “We weren’t gonna do that.”

Me: “Excellent. Then I’ve prevented you from doing something you weren’t going to do.”

I take both packs.

Teenager #1: “Can we still buy the other stuff?”

Me: “Absolutely.”

Their other stuff consists of two bags of crisps, a frozen pizza, and a multipack of energy drinks. I clear the age prompt for the beer I took away (and again for the energy drinks when the purchase continues).

Teenager #2: *Surly.* “It’s so stupid! If it’s alcohol-free, why does it still need approval?”

Me: *Walking away.* “Many reasons, one being to prevent teenagers from accidentally buying the real thing, like you boys were just about to. Good thing I saved you, eh?”

They all walk out, surly and disappointed. Don’t worry, lads, plenty of time for you to drink s***ty beer in the near future…

I work at a grocery store where some products have their prices printed directly on them.

A customer approaches me holding one of these products.

Customer: “Can I get a price check on this?”

I know what a price check is, but since the price is clearly visible, I hesitate before pointing to the tag.

Me: “It’s [price].”

He looks at me as if I’ve committed a felony.

Customer: “So, you don’t know what a price check is. Okay.”

He walks over to the cashier beside me.

Customer: “Hopefully, I’ll get some proper service here.” *To the cashier.* “Can you do a price check?”

The cashier looks at me, shrugs, and makes an announcement over the speaker.

Cashier: “Price check on [product], please.”

I’m standing within three feet of the customer. I take out my radio and, without breaking eye contact with him, respond.

Me: “[Product] is [price].”

The customer looks directly at me.

Customer: “THAT’S how you do a price check.”

He buys the product and storms off. The cashier and I look at each other and shrug again in confusion.