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Something Fishy About Google Searches These Days

, , , | Right | May 11, 2022

I’m working the seafood counter.

Customer: “You’re lying. Those aren’t salmon. They’re regular cheap fish!”

Me: “They are real salmon. It’s illegal to mislabel them.”

Customer: “I don’t believe you.”

Me: “You can Google it.”

Customer: “Nice try! I know Google is in on it!”

A Whole New Level Of Skin Peel

, , , , , | Right | May 11, 2022

I’m working at a store that sells things like vitamins, supplements, and sports nutrition. We also have a whole section dedicated to beauty supplements and weight loss products.

Customer: “My wife sent me in to buy hydrochloric acid.”

Me: “Hydrochloric acid? You’re sure?”

Customer: “I’m sure, that’s what she said.”

Me: “Did she mean hyaluronic acid?”

Hyaluronic acid is a supplement that is supposed to increase skin elasticity, reduce wrinkles, and so on. I point out all the various hyaluronic acid beauty products we carry.

Customer: “No, I know she said hydrochloric acid. If you don’t sell it here, where can I get it?”

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid I don’t really know where you’d be able to buy hydrochloric acid! It’s a dangerous chemical. I’m fairly certain your wife wants hyaluronic acid.”

Customer: “Well, if you’re not going to help, I’ll just have to buy it somewhere else.”

Getting Salty With Chemistry

, , , | Right | May 11, 2022

I’m updating shelf tags one Saturday night and hear a customer at the other end of the aisle loudly complaining. I’m not close enough to make out just what he is complaining about but assume it’s one of the usual problems: he can’t find the specific item his wife sent him in for, the price is more than expected, etc.

Being the good little employee I am, I approach him.

Me: “Can I offer any assistance?”

Customer: “I’m shocked by the amount of sodium in [product]!”

He then hands me a canister of a brand of iodized salt. I automatically think he must be joking, but he quickly disabuses me of this notion by pointing out the sodium content in all the other brands on the shelf.

Me: “Sir, salt is sodium chloride and that’s the reason for the high sodium content.”

The customer wasn’t having it. He just started getting louder until he was screaming that the sodium content was just outrageous and that we should do something about it. Like what, change chemistry?

Checkout This Precociousness!

, , , , , , | Right | May 10, 2022

I am checking out a mother and her two young children, adorable twin boys likely around four years old. The mother is bagging as I scan the items, and then I give her the total.

To my surprise, one of the boys reaches for his mother’s purse and retrieves a credit card. He then climbs ON TO his brother, leaning against the checkout, to get him to the height where the card machine is.

I’m too much in shock to react, as I witness this child insert the card into the reader, enter the PIN, and press the correct buttons to process the transaction.

The mother has now finished bagging like this has been an entirely normal transaction, the twins have descended back to the ground, and as they depart, I hear one of them say to the other:

Twin: “Next time, it’s my turn to push the magic buttons!”

Luckily, there were no other customers, as I needed a minute.

Have Fun Juggling Your Shopping

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: greeniepi | May 9, 2022

I used to work at a supermarket, and at 9:00 am on a Saturday, the following went down.

Me: “Good morning! Would you like a bag?”

Customer: *Sarcastically* “No, I’m going to carry all of these by themselves.”

It may have been the underpay, the rude tone, or the fact that I was just so tired of customers being nasty, but I decided to go along with it.

Me: *Beaming* “Okay, sir, no problem!”

I then proceeded to scan all of his shopping and charge him. The man paid and stood there, blankly staring at his groceries for a moment, before looking at me.

Customer: “Where are my bags?”

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry, sir! I thought you said you were going to carry them?”

Customer: *Angrily* “Well, OBVIOUSLY, I can’t carry all of this without a bag!”

Me: “Oh, okay. Well, in that case…”

I then proceeded to go through the usual “single-use or reusable bag” spiel, and then, wouldn’t you know it? We were out of the bags he wanted, so I had to call a manager over to bring some more bags to me, which always took ages in this supermarket.

The customer then had to dig out his wallet and card to pay a tiny amount for some bags. Then, I handed them to him with a smile and receipt and watched while he bagged his own groceries, scowling the whole time.

Normally, I would scan and bag, but as he didn’t want bags to start with, I didn’t offer and he didn’t ask.

All in all, a five-minute transaction took a good fifteen minutes, and he never pulled that with me again. I have no idea what he thought would happen while he watched me scan everything and pile it up in a very obviously non-bagged heap, but hey, he said no bags!