There’s No Sugar-Coating What This Is

, , , , , | Right | January 11, 2018

(I’m at a table handing out free samples and coupons.)

Customer: “What have we here?”

Me: “Chocolate truffles.”

Customer: *reaches for truffle* “Oh, I gave up sugar two years ago.”

Me: “Oh, that’s good!”

Customer: *pops another one in her mouth* “It just makes me sooo jittery. Mmmmm!”

Me: “I have a dollar-off coupon for them.”

Customer: “Oh, no, dear!” *pops another* “I haven’t had sugar in two years!”

Mother Nature Doesn’t Care About Your Convenience

, , , , , , | Right | January 9, 2018

(I’m facing shelves near the produce section when a frustrated customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me! Where are your peaches in produce?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but peaches are out of season. We have canned or frozen ones.”

Customer: “No, I want fresh peaches. Can you check in the back?”

Me: “I’m certain we don’t have them. Fresh peaches won’t be available until the fall. We only have preserved peaches until then.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. How come every single store I go to doesn’t carry fresh peaches? I’ve been driving all over town!”

Me: “No one is going to have them; peach trees only bear fruit in the late summer. At this point in the year, the peaches would just be flowers. Fresh peaches are only available for a limited time each year. “

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! Can’t they make them go faster?”

Me: “Peaches are strictly a cold-climate tree, so they can’t bear fruit year-round. All stone fruit trees need winters, then they bloom in the spring, and the peaches themselves take months to grow. Unfortunately, we just have to go by their schedule.”

Customer: “Well, that’s terrible customer service!”

Me: “Sir, the trees are doing the best they can.”

(He went away grumbling. I can understand a person not knowing about agriculture, but expecting prompt service from plants is really out of touch.)

Lettuce Not

, , , , | Romantic | January 7, 2018

(I am the cashier at a supermarket. Someone unusual has decided to shop here today.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, how are you today?”

Customer: “LETTUCE!”

Me “Uhh… lettuce?”

Customer: “GRAPES!”

Me: “Do you want lettuce and grapes?”

Customer: “HONEY ALL OVER MY BODY!”

Me: “Um… ma’am, the honey is over on aisle seven—”

Customer: *leaning over the counter* “I don’t want that honey. Just you, baaaby!”

Me: “Ma’am, are you drunk?”

Customer: “No, just drunk on my love for you. Come, rub that lettuce all over my p****!”

Me: “Ma’am, please leave me alone.”

Customer: “Kiss me!”

(She leans over and tries to kiss my neck. I call security and they drag her away.)

Customer: “Only yooouuu…”

(It turned out that the woman was very intoxicated.)

Cart That Employee Back To Training

, , , , , , | Working | January 5, 2018

(I am nine months pregnant. My doctor has recommended that I not spend extended periods of time on my feet. I really need to do some grocery shopping, so I go to the customer service desk to see if they have a motorized cart available. The customer service associate is a middle-aged man.)

Me: “Hi, excuse me. Do you have any motorized carts available?”

Worker #1: “No.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Have they all been taken recently? Do you think one will be available soon?”

Worker #1: “Not for you.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Worker #1: “There’s nothing wrong with you; you’ve got two legs that aren’t broken. Go get a normal cart.”

Me: “My doctor has told me it isn’t safe for me to walk around too much. I really need to buy groceries. If there won’t be a cart available soon, I will come back later, but I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to talk to a customer that way.”

Worker #1: “You can come back later, but I’m still not giving you a cart. You can walk; you’re just lazy.”

(At this point, I’ve had enough. I walk over to another employee.)

Me: “Is your manager around?”

Worker #2: “Yeah, hang on.” *she calls the manager over*

Manager: “Hi! How’s it going?”

Me: “Oh, great. I’m just a little upset because your customer service person won’t let me use a motorized cart.” *the manager looks at my obvious belly and turns white*

Manager: “Jesus! Again?!”

(The manager went to the desk and came back with a motorized cart and a gift card. I could hear the customer service worker shouting about how I was not disabled and didn’t deserve the cart. It turned out, he had done this to several other customers before me, all young people.)

20/20 Vision

, , , , | Right | January 4, 2018

Me: *hands cashier a $20 bill*

Cashier: “Please answer the questions on the screen.”

Me: *pressed button for $20 cash back*

Cashier: *dumbfounded look*

(I had gotten $20 from a group to buy a birthday gift for our friend. I used the $20 to buy the gift, but then realized I needed $20 later to buy other things!)

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