Not A Very A Bald Statement

, , , , | Related | April 10, 2018

(A week ago, my son and I shaved our heads bald for cancer research fundraising. Tonight, my husband, son, and I go grocery shopping.)

Husband: “Do either of you need shampoo?”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “I don’t think so, hon.”

Husband: *quiet for a moment* “Body wash, then?”

Some Body Agrees

, , , , , | Right | April 9, 2018

(Our service desk is undergoing much needed renovations. One of the new things being built for us is a small closet to store extra cartons of cigarettes so we don’t have to run in back so often when we run out of a certain brand. The construction is very loud, and some of our customers are visibly upset, and I’m starting to get frustrated, too, since it’s making it difficult for me to communicate. After a while, a little old lady in her 80s approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss. What are you building back there?”

Me: “I apologize about the noise; we’re building extra storage for cigarettes.”

Customer: “Oh, I thought you were building a place to hide all the bodies of the rude customers!”

Me: *laughs* “Oh, ma’am, I wish!”

Customer: *smiles* “Keep up the good work, [My Name]!”

(Her encouragement lifted my spirits for the rest of my shift despite the noise. It’s nice that some people can be understanding.)

Shopping For An Indiana Jones-Themed Dinner Party

, , , , , | Right | April 9, 2018

(A little old lady walks in.)

Customer: “Excuse me? I need help finding something.”

Me: “Oh, okay. What are you looking for today?”

Customer: *checks list* “First off, where are your live octopus tentacles?”

(I stare at her silently for a moment.)

Me: “I… I don’t think we… um…. carry that particular item. Is there… anything else?”

Customer: “Oh, that’s fine. I’m also looking for porcupine and ostrich meat.”

(This time I’m even more surprised, and it obviously shows.)

Customer: “It doesn’t have to be mixed together. I can do it myself.”

Me: “I’m… I… I don’t think we have… that… either. I’m sorry. You may be interested in—”

Customer: “What about bats? Or toes? I mean, the toes would be pretty expensive, but I can afford them. I’m not poor!”

Me: “T-Toes?”

Customer: “Yes, and don’t try and trick me with monkey toes, because I know what a human toe looks like! They all try to trick me! All of them! I can’t trust you people anymore! You d*** lying b******!”

(I had to get my manager. The woman was kicked out of the store without purchasing anything.)

It’s A Nice Day To Start Listening

, , , | Right | April 6, 2018

(The cashier rings up my purchases. I pay.)

Cashier: “Have a nice day!”

Me: “No, thanks!”

(Pause.)

Me: “Oh! I thought… Thank you! You, too!”

(I hurried out.)

Waving The (Six) Flags For Humanity

, , , , , | Hopeless | April 5, 2018

(I am a cashier at a very nice grocery store. During a slow day, a small boy — about eight to ten years old — runs up to the belt.)

Boy: “Can you just watch these groceries for a second? I need to get my grandma.”

(Since it’s a slow day, I agree. The boy soon comes running back with his grandmother, who is in one of those motorized carts. She has a tank of oxygen in the cart and is moving slowly. The boy runs around happily putting all the groceries on the belt. I see a lot of soda, a lot of bottled water, and other things.)

Grandmother: *to the boy* “Do you think you have enough snacks there for Six Flags?

Me: “Oh, you’re going to Six Flags? Awesome!”

Boy: “I KNOW! I’m so excited! I get to see my mom again, ‘cause she’s working two jobs!”

(Yes, he does say that. Oversharing, I’m sure, but he was so enthusiastic about it.)

Grandmother: *to me* “I won the tickets online. I couldn’t believe it; it was the first time I’d won anything!”

(By now, their groceries are all scanned. My bagger, as is the custom, asks if they would like help out.)

Boy: “No, thanks; I’ve got it!”

(He proceeded to stand patiently by while his grandmother paid, then pushed the cart out, waiting for her. Totally restored my faith in his generation. He was so mature for his age, and so capable. Wherever he is, I hope he had a lot of fun at Six Flags! Best. Customer. Ever.)

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