Grocery Store | Canada
Me: “Can I help you with anything sir?”
Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for some shrimp.”
Me: “Shrimp is in the seafood department, right over there.”
Customer: “See, I don’t want to boil them, I just want to barbecue them.”
Me: “Okay, well, they should be in the seafood department.”
Customer:” But I want to barbecue them. Could you get me a pound of shrimp?”
Me: “I’m sorry sir, we don’t have shrimp in the deli.”
Customer: “Why don’t you have any?”
Me: “We only have deli meat and cheese in the deli. The seafood department has shrimp, just over there.”
Customer: “Why?”
Me: “Because shrimp are seafood… they live in the sea.”
Customer: “… really?”
Grocery Store | Hudson, NH, USA
Me: “Hello, how are you today?”
Customer: “Hi, can you ring this stuff up and tell me how much it is?”
Me: “Uh… yeah. That’s kind of what I do.”
Customer: “Okay, but can you put it in bags too? I need to bring it home.”
Me: “… I can do that too.”
Health Food Store | Princeton, NJ, USA
(As I’m ringing this woman’s vitamins up, I notice that she’s staring at my stomach. I pause and look up at her.)
Customer: “When’s the baby coming?”
Me: “What baby?”
Customer: “Are you expecting?”
Me: “Um, no. I’m not pregnant.”
Customer: “Oh, I’m so sorry! I just asked because I used to be chubby like you when I was your age.”
Me: “Um… what?”
Customer: “Well, I was gonna say, you’re too young to be pregnant!”
Me: “I think you’d better quit while you’re ahead.”
Related:
Digging Your Way Out Of A Hole, Part 3
Digging Your Way Out Of A Hole, Part 2
Digging Your Way Out Of A Hole
Grocery Store | Ottawa, Canada
(This happened the day before Canadian Thanksgiving…)
Me: “Did you find everything you were looking for today?”
Customer: “I’ve been waiting fifteen minutes in line!”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it’s a busy day today with the last minute shopping!”
Customer: “Well, you should have all the lanes open! Why isn’t that lane open?”
Me: “I assume she’s on her break at the moment…”
Customer: “You shouldn’t GET breaks when it’s busy!”
Grocery Store | Ocala, FL, USA
(A disabled customer on crutches starts screaming racist epithets at her cashier.)
Disabled customer: “You g**d*** n*****! You b****! How could you do that to me?! This is discrimination!”
Cashier: *totally shocked*
(I walk over right away. Keep in mind, I’m white.)
Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry you’re upset, but could you please watch your language? There are children here. Now, I’d be ha–”
Disabled customer: “Y’all hate people with disabilities! F*** the children! And f*** you, you n*****! I’m calling corporate!”
Me: “If that’s what you want to do, ma’am, I can’t stop you.”
Disabled customer: “D*** right you can’t, you black b****!”
(She suddenly throws down her “crutches” and very easily walks out of the store.)
Another customer, to me: “Wait, did she just call you black?”
(She did end up calling corporate office, but it was dismissed because she kept calling the operator a sand monkey and saying that she was going to burn in h*** for stealing white people’s jobs.)
(To do this day, whenever we get bored we play with her crutches in the back stock room.)
Grocery Store | Oklahoma, USAOklahoma, USA
(I’m working in the meat department as a middle-aged woman in a business suit approaches me.)
Customer: “Excuse me, miss?”
Me: “Yes, ma’am, how can I help you?”
Customer: *dead serious* “What’s the difference between beef and pork?”
Me: “Um… one comes from a pig, and one comes from a cow. ”
Customer: “Oh, okay! I’ve always wondered that!”
(She walks off happily and I never worked with the public again.)
Grocery Store | Jacksonville, FL, USA
Me: “You find everything okay today, ma’am?”
Customer: “Oh my God! What’s wrong with your face? Are you okay?”
Me: “What? What are you talking about?”
Customer: ”Your jaw! It’s so swollen!”
Me: “Um… no, I’m just fine.”
Customer: “Oh… your left jaw is just so huge, I thought, maybe… never mind.”
Grocery Store | Edmonton, AB, Canada
(It was 5:45 pm on Christmas Eve, and the grocery store I worked at closed at 6 pm.)
Customer: ”Why don’t you have any big frozen turkeys? I need a 20 pound frozen turkey!”
Me: ”Sir, we only have what’s left in the counter.”
Customer: ”Go look in the back! I know you have some hiding back there.”
Me: ”Um, sir, I put all the turkeys out already. What’s out is all we have.”
Customer: ”LISTEN! I NEED A G**D*** 20 POUND TURKEY! GET IN THE BACK AND FIND ME ONE!”
Me: ”There are no more turkeys in the back…”
Customer: ”I’ll just go look myself!”
(The customer proceeds to march through the “Staff Only” doors and is met by one of the butchers who stands 6′ 5″.)
Customer: ”GET ME A G**D*** TURKEY!”
Big Butcher: ”GET THE H*** OUT OF MY STORE!”
Grocery Store | Vancouver, BC, Canada
(I was quietly working down my aisle when a disgruntled man stops at the end and looks at me.)
Me: *resumes working as he is making no advances*
Man: “Awwharhaghhsss!”
Me: *looks up*
Man: “TOMATO SAUCE!” *angry look*
Me: “Uhhhh…”
Man: *furious look*
Me: “… aisle 10!”
Grocery Store | Prince Edward Island, Canada
(On this day in the bulk food store I worked in, I was on the floor, scrubbing underneath a bin of nuts. At this point in my life, I had very long hair, and a goatee. An older lady walks by:)
Older lady: “That’s a good Christian girl… cleaning, and saying her prayers at the same time!”
*30 seconds later*
Older lady: “OH! You’re not a girl!”
(287 Thumbs Up!)
