Makes Your Stagnant Blood Boil

, , , , , , | Working | November 8, 2018

(Every grocery store has problems with things being put or left in the wrong place, and not just because of the customers. A coworker has brought some items up to the front desk, where I am working, so they can be returned to the right spot.)

Coworker: “You’ll never guess where I found those. They were shoved behind a box of chips down .”

Me: “You think that’s bad, I’ve found—”

Coworker: “I’ve found an open box of condoms down [same wrong aisle] before.”

Me: “Wow, that beats what I was going to say. I’ve found eaten chicken wings in that aisle. Someone’s been throwing the bones behind the stuff on the shelves.”

Coworker: “Yeah, I’ve seen that, too.”

(After that we go back to our separate jobs, until this happens a couple hours later. I walk up to my coworker, who is stocking shelves.)

Me: “Okay, I can beat it now.”

Coworker: “What?”

Me: “I just had to clean up blood from the bottom of the food bank bin.”

Coworker: “WHAT?!”

(Apparently, some leaking meat had mistakenly been placed in the food bank bin instead of being taken back to the meat department. When this was noticed, the meat was removed and disposed of, and the bin taken to the back for cleaning… and then eventually returned to the front without ever being cleaned. The bin was then left there for two days, until I decided to look for the source of the terrible smell. This was definitely the worst incorrectly-placed item I’ve ever had to deal with.)

Parental Autocorrect To Be Blamed For All These Kids Ducking Swearing

, , , , | Related | November 7, 2018

(My mum needs some groceries and we decide to take my three-year-old nephew along to give my sister some peace. As we are walking round we overhear another customer:)

Customer: “Oh, f***. I forgot butter.”

(They dash off, and we think nothing of it until we hear from my nephew.)

Nephew: “Oh, f***.” *repeats this over and over*

(Mortified, my mum thinks quickly.)

Mum: “No, there’s no ducks here.”

Meditate On What Kind Of A Customer You Are

, , , | Right | November 7, 2018

(I’m working the cash register when a customer with a full cart comes up to the counter. She looks like she just came from the yoga studio next door, and is wearing a shirt with an ohm symbol. She doesn’t look at me during the entire transaction, flicking through her phone and ignoring me until I state her total.)

Customer: *staring, in a very curt tone* “I’m a member.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I see that you entered your number, and it went through.”

Customer: “So, where’s my discount?”

Me: *looking over the order* “It doesn’t look like any of the items you purchased today are one of our member prices, but you do get all the regular sale prices, so you saved ten dollars today.”

Customer: “I was supposed to get five dollars off with my membership.”

Me: “Did you have a coupon or rewards?”

Customer: “Nooooo, because I spent over $65. I got an email about it.” *snatches a flyer off the end of the register and shoves it close to my face* “There, see?!”

Me: *taking the flyer and turning it around to show her* “Actually, that is a promotion for our weekend event. It’s an extra incentive in addition to the sales prices we’ll be having that day. The company sent out emails to announce it ahead of time.”

(I point out the dates, which are in large print right in the header. I’m not supposed to take money off manually unless the rewards they earned didn’t go through, not when they are outside the defined parameters of the offer.)

Customer: “Well! In that case, you can just take all of this back!”

Me: *winces as she throws some of the items on the counter with unnecessary force, bruising the apples and threatening to break glass* “Ma’am, please be careful. We need these items to be in resellable condition.”

(As I cancel the transaction, she rants about how horrible this place is, how she’s never coming back, how she’ll tell everyone she knows to never come here, that she’s an “influencer,” and that our establishment is going to wither and die. Then, she slams her fists on the counter, leans over with an absolutely unhinged expression and spit flying, and delivers this gem of a line:)

Customer: “I can’t come back during your stupid sale, because I’m going to be meditating all day.

(The customer behind her during this exchange burst out laughing, and I was speechless, as it was taking all my concentration to keep my face neutral.  In retrospect, maybe I should have taken the money off, anyway, because of the bottom line, but it was worth it just for that.)

Unfiltered Story #124829

, , | Unfiltered | November 7, 2018

(There is a regular customer at the store I used to work at. He was a nice older gentleman, that I’m pretty sure wasn’t all there. Our conversation usually went as follows.)
Me: Hi! Do you have your shopper’s card with you today?
Him: No, I left it at home with my light saber.
(Almost always, I’d smile and laugh a bit. One day, I decided to change things up a bit.)
Me: Hi! Do you have your light saber with you today?
Him: No, George Lucas took it away from me.
(He was definitely one of my favorite customers.)

Hard Liquor Has A Hard Bedtime

, , , , , | Right | November 6, 2018

(In our state, it is illegal to sell alcohol past 2:00 am. It is 1:59 am, the point at which we tend to refuse the purchase of alcohol so that we don’t accidentally break the law, through whatever plethora of delays can happen at the register. If we mess up, there’s a fine to both the store and the employees involved. Also, our hard liquor, vodka, rum, and whatnot is locked up so that an employee has to get a bottle out if you want anything.)

Announcement: “Guest assistance at the liquor cabinet.”

Me: *walks over to the register to grab the liquor key, while checking the time* “It’s 1:59; I’m going to let them know we can’t sell.”

Cashier: “I told them no alcohol. So, yeah.”

Me: *walks over to the aisle where two people are waiting* “I’m sorry, but we can’t sell alcohol at this time. It’s 1:59 am and it’s illegal to sell past 2:00 am.”

(It’s a guy and a girl, but the guy does all the talking and IMMEDIATELY gets whiny.)

Customer: “What? But we just ran all the way here! Isn’t there anything you can do?”

Me: “No. I’m sorry, but we can’t sell any alcohol at this time.”

Customer: “We’ll be in and out before you even know it!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we can’t take that risk. The cashier already told you no alcohol, too.”

Customer: “Please? What would you do if you were in my shoes?”

Me: *a little curtly, but I’m serious when I say he’s whiny* “I wouldn’t be asking the person in front of me to lose their job over a drink.”

Customer: “You wouldn’t lose your job over this!”

Me: “I’d have to pay a $300 fine and get a significant write-up, though. I’m sorry, but we cannot sell to you.” *turns to walk away*

Customer: “So, you can’t do anything? We can’t get anything?”

Me: “Nothing alcoholic!”

Customer: “B****!”

(The two left without getting anything. Sadly, he’s not the first to try this, but certainly the most whiny.)

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