I work in Produce and an older lady comes up to me with two packages of Spinach and says:

LADY “These leaves look a bit wilted don’t you think? They should not be on the sales floor”

I examine the salads and they look fine

My initial thought to her:

Me (internally): You think they are wilted? Have you looked in the mirror?”

(I work in a Tesco in a small yet famous town called Kettering, but one day a woman comes to my till and I start scanning her items, after at least ten minutes of scanning the most expensive items we had in stock I finnish and tell her the price she needed to pay)

Me: OK that will be £750.87…

(That’s when my mind exploded at the amount of money she’ll spend and the size of my next pay check)

Woman: Alright then. *Starts rolling her cart away*

Me: Uhh… Lady you have to pay!

Woman: *confused* Wait I’ve gotta pay?!

Me: Yes ma’am normally you have to pay for items that we have bought.

Woman: They don’t do that at Seven Eleven!

Me: Miss the nearest Seven Eleven is in America there isn’t even one that just gives stuff away.

(She suddenly darts out of the door to be blocked buy a coworker who is also a police officer just working part time in the shop)

Coworker: Miss I just saw you dash from that till with out paying!

(She pulls out a “Nerf” gun and shoots him in the forhead (which does nothing), so he pulls the toy out of her hands and stomps on it)

Woman: You can’t do that, I’m calling the police!

Coworker: *Pulls badge out of shirt pocket* I am the police!

(She goes pale and in the next five minutes she gets arrested for attempted theft, assault and being rude to an officer)

(I am working a late shift at the grocery store and I have not been having a great day. I am tired, and hungry from not eating lunch, but I am still putting my best foot forward. I see an older gentleman roll up in one of our mobility scooters.)

Me: “Sir, are you ready to check out?”

Customer: “Why, yes!”

Me: *mustering what energy I can* “Well, come on down, sir! Don’t be shy! I’ll get you taken care of on the express lane!”

Customer: “All righty!”

Me: “Would you mind if I unload your basket for you, sir?”

Customer: “I’d love that! I can’t do it myself.”

(I smile as I unload his cart.)

Customer: “I can tell you’ve had a busy day, but I want you to know that I grew up with the founder of [Grocery Chain], and he would be very proud to see one of his employees treat someone so well. I know he’s not around anymore, but in his stead, I’ll say, ‘I’m proud of you.’”

Me: “That means a lot, sir.”

(I shut down my lane and followed him out to his car, loaded his groceries, and wished him well. He turned my day around!)

(My roommate and I are shopping in a large store. She goes to find a CD while I peruse produce, and I follow her after a minute. I enter the electronics section.)

Employee: “Are you looking for anything particular tonight?”

Me: “Yeah, my roommate.”

Employee: *without missing a beat* “Second to last aisle.”

(I cracked up and thanked him, then went and found her exactly where he’d said she would be.)

(I work for a grocery store and sometimes find myself at the help desk. The phone rings and I pick up.)
Me: Thank you for calling [store name] in Warwick. How can I help you?
Woman: Hi, I want to know if you have this certain product in stock. One of your employees recommended it to me last time I was there and I want to make sure you have it before I come in.
(I check the inventory on the computer and sure enough, it’s in stock.)
Me: Seems I do have it in stock and it should be on our shelves right now.
Woman: Fantastic! That employee really turned me onto it.
(Suddenly she stops and laughs.)
Woman: “Turned me on.” I shouldn’t say things like that! I’m such a dirty girl!
Me: Uh…
Woman: (still laughing) I’m such a bad girl, saying things like that!
Me: Okay. Is there anything else I can help you with today?
Woman: (laughing has turned to straight-up cackling) Oh, no, I’m all set now. It was just such a dirty thing to-
(I hung up at that point. As far as I know, she never came in. I still wonder if it was a crank call or just the most immature woman in the state.)