When The Bell Rings The Penny Drops

, , , , | Working | September 14, 2017

Coworker: “Out of curiosity, what is the really loud bell in the back room?”

Me: “You mean the doorbell?”

Coworker: “Doorbell? Doorbell! [Coworker #2] is trapped outside!”

Don’t Know What His Baggage Is

, , | Right | September 13, 2017

(I work in a grocery store that exclusively uses paper bags. Most of our competitors use plastic bags. I have just finished packing a customer’s order and wished him a goodnight.)

Customer: “I need a bag.”

Me: “That would be our bag.”

Customer: “I need a bag.”

Me: “This is our bag.”

Customer: “I need a bag.”

Me: “This is our bag.”

Customer: “No plastic bag?”

Me: “No, sir.”

(He then proceeded to unpack his order and took the items loose. I really couldn’t think of a way to say that his groceries were IN a bag.)

Last Time In Daddy Day Care

, , , , , | Related | September 13, 2017

(My wife and I went shopping together in a local store with our two little girls, who are about one and three years of age. The oldest is sitting in the shopping cart, facing my wife, and the youngest is in a carrier in the basket. Suddenly, the oldest reaches up and grabs my wife’s breasts.)

Wife: “[Daughter]! Why did you do that?”

Daughter: “Daddy does it!”

Me: *laughing as my wife hits me* “So much for not being caught!”

Milking The Comments Box For All It’s Worth

, , , | Right | September 13, 2017

(I work at a grocery store that offers customers 50 free fuel points in exchange for a survey.  Whenever a customer completes a survey, they get 50 fuel points added onto their rewards card. The survey also comes with a comments section, which associates can read off a paper in the back room. This is one of them.)

Comment: “I WASN’T SURE HOW TO TELL THE BAGGER I WANTED MY MILK IN A BAG WHEN THEY ASKED BECAUSE I DID NOT WANT MY MILK TO LEAK. SURE ENOUGH, AS SOON AS I GOT HOME, MY MILK HAD LEAKED.

(A simple “yes” would suffice when baggers ask if the customer wants their milk in a bag…)

Unfiltered Story #93683

, | Unfiltered | September 12, 2017

While working tonight a employee decided to announce their displeasure over the PA by saying F*** [store name] Associates. One customer jokingly asked me if that meant he got his cart for free, I jokingly told him I couldnt do that so he might have to agree with the intercom. He misunderstood it and went on a rant screaming about how I said “F*** you” and “Im a fat fairy faggot”. My manager went to kick him out but by the time she got there he was already leaving and I didnt want to add more fuel to the fire. What was a funny moment at first brought me to tears, jerk.

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