I’m working the self-checkout with a coworker. An older woman calls my coworker over as she’s accidentally double-scanned an item. My coworker sees that the customer is also purchasing some wine, so pre-approves the purchase.
Customer: “Hmph!”
Coworker: “Is everything all right, madam?”
Customer: “You hit that ‘visibly over 25’ button a bit too hard for my liking.”
Customer: *Angrily* “Where are you hiding your shopping carts?!”
I point to the hundreds we keep outside the store.
Customer: “Oh, I thought those were just for display.”
Our shop has a weird layout, and it makes more sense if you’re actually standing in it, but I don’t have the time or patience to try to describe the layout here. A customer comes up to me looking lost.
Customer: “Help! I am trying to find the cheese and dairy aisle, but I can’t find it for the life of me.”
Me: “Haha, I get it. This is a very big shop! Oh, that’s in aisle fourteen.”
Customer: “Thank you.”
The customer looks up at the aisle numbers and looks puzzled.
Customer: “I can only see aisles five, seven, nine, eleven, thirteen, fifteen…”
Me: “Yeah, our store is weird; the even-numbered aisles are behind you, around the corner.”
Customer: “That’s very odd.”
Me: “Yeah, I—”
The customer is beaming at me.
Me: “Oh, haha. I fell for that one. Very good!”
Customer: “I was looking for the cheese, but the odds were against me.”
Me: *Walking away* “Very good, sir!”
Customer: “Thanks for even-ing everything out!”
Me: *Picking up the pace*
I am working the express register. Our express lane moves around the store, so the signs indicating it as such are not permanent. Each cashier also has a physical “lane open” sign that we carry around with us to place on a hook over the register. It’s all very charmingly old-school and analog.
A customer moves the “10 Items Or Fewer” sign out of the way to push two full carts up to my register.
Me: “Ma’am, this is the express lane. Only ten items or fewer.”
Customer: “I don’t see a sign.”
Me: “You just moved it out of the way.”
Customer: “Well, I still don’t see it.”
She continues to place her items on the belt, ignoring my further polite attempts to redirect her to the correct lane.
Realizing you can’t reason with such people, I turn off my register, pick up the express lane sign and the “lane open” sign, and walk over to the next lane, which is closed. Since my register was card payment only, I am confident in saying this to the customers who were stuck in line behind the entitled customer:
Me: “This lane is now the express lane! All customers with ten items or fewer in the original express lane line, please move over here.”
Of course, the entitled customer can’t move over fast enough since she’s already unloaded half of her items and the other customers only have their baskets.
Customer: “Hey! I’m unloading here! You can’t just close the lane!”
Me: “I’m afraid I am working the express lane, ma’am, and that is now this lane. The lane you’re on is currently closed.”
Customer: “Look! This lane is open! Serve me!”
I look the lane over quickly and then look back at her.
Me: “I don’t see a sign.”
She fumed, but I ignored her to check out the customers who actually did follow the rules. She gathered up her items and angrily got in one of the correct lanes.
A mother is paying at the checkout.
Mom: “Oh, wait! I have a coupon!”
She grabs her phone from her little boy, maybe four or five years old, who has been keeping himself occupied with it.
Child: “Mom! I want to use your phone!”
Mom: “Not now. Mommy is using it for the coupon.”
Child: “Why do you have a phone and I don’t? You don’t have that many friends.”
Related:
The Couponator 44: The Clapback
The Couponator 43: The Visionary Gossiper
The Couponator 42: The Malicious Complier
The Couponator 41: The Saga Of The Long-Suffering Wife
The Couponator 40: Armageddon
