Mis-Managing Their Expectations

, , , , , | Working | January 16, 2018

(I am applying for a management position at a grocery store near me. They don’t have many requirements for the job, saying, “Some management experience may be required.” So, I go in, and they immediately say:)

Recruiter: “You’re not qualified for this position. You need at least ten years of experience in a management position.”

(I ask about the shift manager position, which is below what I am going for.)

Recruiter: “You need five years of management experience for that.”

(I’ve been out of college for a little over a year now. I’ve struggled to find a job that I’m qualified for, since most positions do require a lot of experience, and I’m working retail for now. However, in every other job description I’ve seen, it states exactly how much experience they want. The girl who was interviewing me, who wasn’t that much older than me, wasn’t rude, but she wasn’t polite either. They offered me a job as a store associate, but I turned it down. I would rather work where I am currently than work for a company like that.)

Death Becomes Her, Part 5

, , , , , | Romantic | January 16, 2018

(I am checking out a married couple at my till. It is just about sunset.)

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Husband: “Good.” *looks at wife* “She hasn’t killed me yet.”

Wife: *chuckling* “The day’s not over yet, honey.”

 

Related:

Death Becomes Her, Part 4

Death Becomes Her, Part 3

Death Becomes Her, Part 2

Children Of Cancer

, , , , , , | Right | January 16, 2018

(A customer and her daughter, who can be no older than four, walk up to the service counter.)

Customer: “Can I get a pack of [Cigarette Brand], please.”

Supervisor: “Sure.”

Girl: “No, Mommy, don’t.”

Customer: “But Daddy asked me to get them for him.”

Girl: “But they’re bad.” *to Supervisor* “Don’t get them.”

Supervisor: “I have to, or I’ll get in trouble.”

(My supervisor goes over to the drawer and grabs the cigarettes.)

Girl: “No! Don’t get them. They’re bad for Daddy. Don’t!”

Customer: “It’s okay, honey.”

Girl: *looking more and more upset by the second* “No, it’s not. Don’t scan them. Please.”

Supervisor: *trying to act as sweetly as possible* “I’m very sorry, but I have to. It’s my job. I’ll get in trouble if I don’t.”

(She scans the cigarettes.)

Supervisor: “That’ll be [price].”

Girl: “No! Don’t! Mummy, don’t buy them. They’re bad for Daddy. They’ll kill him.”

(The customer pays and the supervisor hands them the pack of cigarettes.)

Girl: “No!”

(As her mother tried to drag her away, the little girl folded her arms and scrunched up her face in that cute way four-year-olds do when they’re angry. I’m glad my supervisor took that one; I don’t think I would have been able to go through with the purchase with a little girl basically begging me to spare her father’s life.)

Hands-Off Tamp-On

, , , , , , , | Working | January 14, 2018

(My coworker and I are putting items back on the shelves. I’ve got an armful of beauty products that I’m putting back, in addition to a whole cart full of items that a customer left. He’s just standing there, watching. He’s male, I’m female. We’re both in college.)

Me: “Hey, there’s a few boxes of tampons in the cart that go on this aisle. Can you put them back?”

Coworker #1: “Ew! No, you do it.”

Me: “Okay, then you come put all this makeup back.”

Coworker #1: “No way; that’s girl stuff!”

Me: “Then put the tampons away.”

Coworker #1: “That’s so gross.”

Me: “They’re not used, you idiot. They’re individually wrapped in a freaking box.”

Coworker #1: “I’m not touching those.”

Me: “What are you going to do when you get a girlfriend?”

Coworker #1: “She’s buying her own tampons.”

([Coworker #2], also a college-age guy, walks over.)

Coworker #2: “[Coworker #1], man, you’ve got to be kidding me. Dumba**.”

(He grabs the boxes of tampons out of the cart and puts them back on the shelf.)

Coworker #2: “This is why you don’t have a girlfriend.”

(He high-fived me and headed back to his register.)

They’re Crackers About This Holiday

, , , , , , | Working | January 11, 2018

(A Jewish friend recently moved to North Carolina. She goes to her local grocery store and finds a big display of challah bread… for Passover, AKA The Holiday Where Jews Can’t Eat Bread. She goes to the customer service desk to speak to a manager.)

Friend: “Excuse me, but why do you have a display of challah for Passover?”

Manager: “It’s challah! Don’t you Jews eat this at every holiday?”

Friend: “Not Passover. That’s the holiday that is coming up. We can’t eat leavened bread on Passover.”

Manager: “Oh… Is that why we’ve got those big boxes of Jewish crackers?”

Friend: *sighs* “Yes, that’s when we eat the big crackers.”

(The next time my friend went to the grocery store, they were selling the challah at a sharp discount.)

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