Picked Fresh From The M&M Tree

, , , , , | Right | July 18, 2018

(A customer comes through my line with a young child. I just started the order and she hands me two boxes of fruit snack variety packs.)

Customer: “I don’t want these. They say, ‘No artificial flavors,’ and I thought that meant no artificial colors. That’s kind of a weird thing to put on a box.”

Me: “Well, not really.”

Customer: *handing me a bag of M&Ms* “Can you scan these real quick? They’re open.”

Me: “…”

(She had another large bag of M&M Minis in her order. I guess she thinks they come in those colors naturally?)

What A Basket-Case

, , , , | Right | July 18, 2018

(I work at a deli in a grocery store. Sometimes customers place their baskets on top of the high counter, which is against health codes because we stack them on the floor when they’re not being used, and also because it blocks other customers from receiving their cold cuts and blocks us from seeing the customers. This day in particular is very busy. A customer comes up to the counter and orders while placing his basket on the counter.)

Me: “Sir, could you please take the basket off the counter?”

Customer: “Well, where do you want me to put it if I do?”

Me: “You could put it on the ground or hold it. We don’t allow them on the counter because the bottom can be dirty and it blocks our view of the customers.”

Customer: “I don’t want it on the ground! The ground is filthy, and I have food in my basket!”

Me: “Then you can most certainly hold the basket while you order.”

Customer: “Listen, little girl, I’m not putting my basket on the floor, and I don’t want to hold it, so just give it a f****** rest, b****.”

Me: *smiling* “Well, then, sir, I’m going to have to stop slicing your order until you take the basket off the counter.”

Customer: “All right, you little s***, let me speak to your manager!”

(As he asks for my manager, there is a loud crash and we look over and see that his basket has fallen off the counter and all of the contents are covered with milk and tomato sauce.)

Manager: *from the other end of the deli* “THAT’S ALSO WHY WE DON’T ALLOW BASKETS ON TOP OF THE DELI COUNTER!”

(The customer, red faced and cursing, walked away from the scene, while the other customers clapped and booed him since they had been waiting so long while he fought with me!)

Not So Closed Minded: Ultimate Edition

, , , , | Right | July 18, 2018

(A chain is opening another store in town and several of the new employees, me included, are setting up the stock. It’s Tuesday and the shop opens on Friday; there is a huge sign outside advertising this and we are all in our own clothes. As well as the local employees, we have the shopfitters, who have been doing the decorating but are also sorting stock. I’m at the till testing deals when two guys in paint-splattered clothes approach me with cans of soda. I haven’t worked in customer service for nearly ten years, and have anxiety, so I probably could handle this better.)

Customer #1: “You know these aren’t even cold, right?”

Me: “Um… I don’t think we’re turning the drinks fridges on until Thursday.”

Customer #1: *thrusts cans at me*

(I take the cans and scan them, thinking they want me to test the deals.)

Me: “It’s not showing any deals on those.”

Customer #2: “We don’t care; we just want to buy them.”

Me: “Oh… I’m sorry, but we’re not open. We’re just setting up to open on Friday.”

Customer #2: “What the f***? We walked around the entire shop and not one person stopped us. Are you saying you’ve all wasted our time?”

Me: *starting to get anxious* “Um… uh… I’m sorry. There is a sign outside, but I guess you didn’t see it and—”

Customer #1: *mockingly* “‘Um, uh…’ I think you should sell these to us, don’t you?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but there’s no cash in this till for change because, well, because we’re not open.”

(The guy leans over the counter, and I step back, but there isn’t much room. One of the shopfitters notices and approaches.)

Shopfitter: “You okay?”

Customer #1: “We want to buy a drink and she won’t sell to us, and nobody told us you guys weren’t open yet when we walked around.”

Shopfitter: “Look around you, mate. There’s ladders in the aisles and very little stock on the shelves, the lights and fridges aren’t on, nobody is wearing a [Chain] uniform, and there’s a large sign that says, ‘Opening Friday [date],’ you had to have walked past to get in, so you do the math.” *holds up a hand when they try to interrupt* “I’m not done. I saw you guys walk past, but I was focusing on my job, and at a glance you look like one of my lot. You’re not going to be buying a drink, because it isn’t possible. I suggest going to [Chain Store five-minute walk away].”

Customer #1: “F*** you both!”

(They both stormed out. I thanked the shopfitter and we got on with our jobs, although I was shaking slightly. The opening went very well, and I worked there for several years and dealt with worse customers. I got better at it, though. The guys never came back, even after we were open.)

They’re Entitled To Their Baggage

, , , , , | Right | July 16, 2018

(I am in a new grocery store that has just opened up in our town. They keep prices down by not hiring staff to bag groceries. I see a couple in their early 50s in a line where a dark-skinned girl is checking people out. The guy of the couple is in one of those store scooters, yelling:)

Male Customer: “You need to serve me; I am the customer. You need to bag my groceries, like any other store!” *breathing in heavily* “I am a paying customer, and you need to do what I say!”

(The wife joins in:)

Female Customer: “You should just do what he says or you will lose your job. This is America, and we deserve to be treated well in this store!”

(I watch the checker; she is polite and explains:)

Checker: “We don’t bag groceries, as it creates a longer line. The tables up front allow you to bag the way you want, and we can move onto the next person.”


(Most customers in ear-shot pretty much mocked them all the way out the door.)

Most Jobs Are Just Smoke And Mirrors

, , , , | Working | July 16, 2018

Me: “Know what else I hate?”

Coworker: “What?”

Me: “People who vape, and then look down on people who smoke.”

Coworker: “I was hoping you’d stop after the first half of that sentence.”

Me: “Well, maybe I’m speaking from a position of ignorance here, as somebody who does neither one, but they seem pretty much the same to me. You’re still putting something d**k-shaped in your mouth and blowing gas through it.”

Coworker: “I think the difference is that with smoking, you’re paying a rich, fat, old, white man to suffocate you slowly over 40 years.”

Me: “So it’s the same thing as having a job?”


Coworker: “Dude. High five.”

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