I worked in the meat department at a national chain grocery store. One night, we got a call forwarded to our department on the customer line:

Customer: “I bought a whole cooked chicken, put it on my kitchen counter, and then went into the living room to watch TV. I forgot about it. Is it still safe to eat?”

Me: “How long were you watching TV?”

Customer: “About fifteen minutes.”

Me: “Uh… store policy says it can be out of refrigeration for up to four hours.”

Customer: “Oh.”

Me: “So you should be more than fi—”

Customer: “—But it’s organic. That means no preservatives, right?”

Me: “Ma’am, even so, fifteen minutes should be fine.”

She still wasn’t convinced.

Customer: “I’m not going to take the risk. I’ll just let my husband eat it when he gets home.”

I’m in line at the grocery store. An older couple is ahead of me. They’ve been murmuring to each other the entire time they’ve been in line, while staring daggers at the cashier.

When it’s finally time for them to be served, the cashier smiles at them, says hello, and starts scanning their items.

Woman: “I’m surprised you’re still here.”

Cashier: *Still scanning, all smiles.* “Why is that, ma’am?”

Woman: “Considering how rude you were to us a couple of weeks ago, and how we demanded your manager do something about you.”

Cashier: *Still all smiles.* “Ah, yes, I remember! Your husband and you weren’t too happy about missing the sale prices.”

Man: “No! It was your terrible attitude! We demanded that you be fired, and it seems that hasn’t happened! We’ll have to have words with your manager again about how upsetting it is to still see you here.”

Woman: “If you can’t be fired, then fine, but we know complaints that name staff go into your record and hurt your chances of a raise, so that’s what we’re going to do. That should teach you a lesson about talking back to customers.”

Cashier: *Still smiling, scanning items at pace.* “Ah yes, in fact I need to thank you for that.”

Woman: “Thank us?!”

Cashier: “Yes! After our… conversation a couple of weeks ago, another customer called in and, mentioning my name, said I should get a raise for being so patient with customers who are… well… not having the best day. So, thanks to you, I got a raise! I really appreciate it!”

Man: *Splutters.* “That… that… you’re making that up!”

Cashier: *Smiles as he finishes scanning.* “Maybe! But I’m still a happy chappy who loves my job! Your total is $33.81. Cash or card?”

They angrily pay, take their bags, and storm out, promising that “this is not the end of this!” It’s my turn to be served.

Me: “Wow, was that real?”

Cashier: *Still smiling.* “Yes, indeed.”

Me: “Did you really get a raise for putting up with them?”

Cashier: “Ha ha, no, not really, but it’s fun to make them think I did.”

Me: “Well, I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna get your name and write in and sing your praises about being patient with those truly awful customers.”

Cashier: “That would be nice, but you really don’t have to.”

Me: “Yes, I do! I know those types, and they want to cause damage. You don’t deserve that. I’m going to write in and do damage control before they get a chance.”

The cashier smiles. I confirm his name, and I pay and leave. As soon as I get home, I write an email that sings his praises.

A month or so later, I’m shopping there again and I see the same cashier. He recognizes me and thanks me because, due to my letter, he actually DID get that raise! 

He’s now my favorite cashier and I make sure to shop when he’s on shift so that I don’t go more than couple of weeks without seeing him and reminding him that he’s awesome.

Customer: “Can I get some sodium-free salt?”

Me: “We have low-sodium salt; it replaces a large portion of sodium chloride with potassium chloride to lower the sodium content, but you can’t get it totally sodium-free.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because salt is sodium chloride. If you take that out, you basically don’t have salt anymore.”

Customer: “I want the salt and the chlorides but not the sodium.”

Me: “Lower-sodium salt, we can do. Sodium-free salt is impossible.”

Customer: “Well, can you take the sodium out of it yourself?”

Me: “Sir… you are literally asking me to split atoms.”

Customer: “How much alcohol can I drink while pregnant?”

Me: “None.”

Customer: “What are you, a doctor?”

Me: “Hey, you asked me!”

Customer: “Look, I just want to know the maximum amount that doesn’t affect the baby.”

Me: “None! Any amount of alcohol can affect the baby and cause developmental issues.”

Customer: “I’m not planning on giving birth to Einstein or the president here.”

Me: “If you drink alcohol while pregnant, you might not give birth to anything.”

Customer: “Oh my god! How could you be so mean!”

The woman was not visibly pregnant, and she didn’t end up buying alcohol. I really hope I never see her again.

Customer: “What gives?! My friend told me you had a sale on Bud and Bud Light!”

Me: “We do! I can show you in the beer aisle—”

Customer: “—I’ve been there, and the only beer on sale is Budweiser!”

Me: “Uh… that’s right. Bud is Budweiser.”

Customer: “No! Budweiser is Budweiser, and Bud is Bud! I don’t want any s***ty Budweiser!”

The customer’s friend shows up and asks:

Customer’s Friend: “Did you get the Bud yet?”

Customer: “No! The only beer on sale is Budweiser!”

The customer’s friend gives him a look and tries to explain that they’re the same thing. He’s not getting it:

Customer’s Friend: “Come on, Larry… Don’t be this stupid twice…”

Customer: “Twice?”

Customer’s Friend: “This is you voting against the Affordable Care Act, not realizing it was the same as Obamacare all over again.”

Customer: “That… that was different!”

Customer’s Friend: *To me.* “We’re good from here. Thanks for your help.”

I smile, nod, and walk away to the sound of the customer arguing, saying things like, “for one thing they didn’t even SOUND the same!”