Should Have Just Carted It Away

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | Working | May 19, 2017

(I’m at the grocery checkout with only one reusable bag.)

Me: “If all the groceries don’t fit, just put them in the cart. I don’t want any plastic bags.”

Clerk: “Okay.”

Me: “The milk won’t fit; just put it in the cart. I don’t want any plastic.”

Clerk: “Do you want the milk in a bag?”

Me: “No, just in the cart. I don’t want any plastic.”

Clerk: “Okay.” *puts milk in plastic bag*

Me: “No, I don’t want any plastic bags. Just put the milk in the cart.”

Clerk: “Oh, that’s right. Sorry.” *takes milk out of bag, puts it in the cart, throws the bag away*

Me: “Sigh.”

Has Beef With Math

| Tallahassee, FL, USA | Working | May 18, 2017

(I’m at a deli at the grocery store, trying to get some cuts. I’ve already gotten a half pound of turkey from the employee.)

Employee: “Do you need anything else?”

Me: “Yes, a third of a pound of roast beef.”

(The employee gets the beef out, and then looks back up at me.)

Employee: “Did you say half pound?”

Me: “A third of a pound for this one.”

(The employee starts up the slicer, and I’m waiting around. It seems like it’s taking longer than expected, and when he puts up the beef on the scale, it reads almost a half pound.)

Me: “Oh, I wanted a third of a pound.”

(Rather than stopping and taking some of the beef off, he starts slicing again.)

Me: “Sir, I said a third of a pound.”

Employee: *looking up* “Yeah, that means .75 of a pound.”

Me: “Um, no. That’s three quarters of a pound. A third of a pound is .33.”

(The employee gives me a blank look.)

Employee: “Most people mean .75. I got chewed out for that earlier.”

Me: “Well, whoever chewed you out shouldn’t have. That’s not a third of a pound, that’s three quarters. A third is definitely .33.”

Employee: “Well, most people mean .75 when they say a third of a pound.”

(I did get him to give me a correct third of a pound, but he repeated his insistence that “most people” meant .75 when they said “a third of a pound” in a tone that suggested the confusion was my fault. As this is a grocery store I frequent and I have never had a problem getting a third of a pound before, I suspect that there wasn’t any chewing out, but that he was trying to cover up his error.)

The Stuff Real Jobs Are Made Of

, | FL, USA | Working | May 17, 2017

(I just interrupted the task I was working on to serve a customer. When I’m done with the customer, I don’t remember what I was just doing.)

Me: “Now… was I doing things, or was I doing stuff?”

Coworker: “You were doing stuff.”

Me: “Stuff it is!”

23 Minutes Of Awesome

| Bolton, England, UK | Right | May 16, 2017

(Due to Sunday trading laws most stores in town close at four. We are lucky enough to trade an extra hour. (Can you read the sarcasm?) At 4:38 a man approaches the doors pushing a bicycle.)

Customer: “Are you still open?”

Me: “For the next—” *looks at phone* “—22 minutes.”

Customer: “D***, I need 23.”

(Both of us laugh a little.)

Customer: “Can I leave this—” *indicating bike* “—there? I’ll only be a minute.”

Me: “You liar. You said you needed 23 minutes… Which is it?”

(The customer laughs.)

Me: “Yeah, sure, go on, but—” *getting phone out again* “—I’m timing you… Time starts… NOW!”

(The customer nips in, grabs a couple of drinks, gets to the till, and is back out. As he leaves:)

Customer: “Thanks for the laugh. Seems rarer and rarer to find people with a sense of humour.”

Me: “I work here. It 4:43, on a Sunday. I’m liable to be here still in an hour; a sense of humour is mandatory. Thanks a lot. See you again; have a good evening!”

(They aren’t all bad.)

Need To Re-Orient Your Hearing

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Right | May 14, 2017

(My male manager has just turned around to leave after handing me some cash for the till as I am finishing up with my middle-aged customer.)

Customer: “Is he gay?”

(I was a bit taken aback and wanted to clarify.)

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Busy day?”

(Yes. Yes, indeed it was a busy day.)

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