Claim To Fame Is To Blame

, , , | Right | September 14, 2017

(An older gentleman is approaching my check stand.)

Me: “Are you ready to go, sir?”

Customer: “Man, with all these pretty ladies standing around here, I don’t want to go! My claim to fame is near! That’s what we say on the east coast…”

Me: *laughing, I finish ringing up his items while he continues to say somewhat hilarious things* “Is that all for you today?”

Customer: “Naw, I’m just gonna stand here and tell you how beautiful you are. Of course, you already know that. You’re somebody else’s claim to fame. And that makes me jealous!”

(I couldn’t stop giggling and blushing. He totally made my morning.)

Whipping Up The Fort

, , , , | Working | September 14, 2017

(It is the night before Thanksgiving.)

Manager: *over intercom* “[Bagger #1] to the dairy.”

Bagger #2: “Calling him to fill the dairy? The whipping cream is low. I’ll fill the whipping cream.”

Manager: “Hey, [Bagger #1], can you fill the dairy again? It’s getting low.”

Bagger #2: “I’ll fill the whipping cream!”

Manager: “You really like doing that, huh?”

Bagger #2: “IT’S LIKE BUILDING A LITTLE CASTLE!”

 

When The Bell Rings The Penny Drops

, , , , | Working | September 14, 2017

Coworker: “Out of curiosity, what is the really loud bell in the back room?”

Me: “You mean the doorbell?”

Coworker: “Doorbell? Doorbell! [Coworker #2] is trapped outside!”

Don’t Know What His Baggage Is

, , | Right | September 13, 2017

(I work in a grocery store that exclusively uses paper bags. Most of our competitors use plastic bags. I have just finished packing a customer’s order and wished him a goodnight.)

Customer: “I need a bag.”

Me: “That would be our bag.”

Customer: “I need a bag.”

Me: “This is our bag.”

Customer: “I need a bag.”

Me: “This is our bag.”

Customer: “No plastic bag?”

Me: “No, sir.”

(He then proceeded to unpack his order and took the items loose. I really couldn’t think of a way to say that his groceries were IN a bag.)

Last Time In Daddy Day Care

, , , , , | Related | September 13, 2017

(My wife and I went shopping together in a local store with our two little girls, who are about one and three years of age. The oldest is sitting in the shopping cart, facing my wife, and the youngest is in a carrier in the basket. Suddenly, the oldest reaches up and grabs my wife’s breasts.)

Wife: “[Daughter]! Why did you do that?”

Daughter: “Daddy does it!”

Me: *laughing as my wife hits me* “So much for not being caught!”

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