My name is a very traditional Irish name, and a pain if I’m honest. I’ve had a life of people mispronouncing it and struggling to fill in forms. I normally go by my nickname for anything not official.

I’ve ordered a coffee and sit down waiting for it to be made. It’s pretty busy so it’s a fair wait.

I‘m waiting for my coffee, someone with the same order as mine gets called out.

Customer: “That’s mine.” *He collects his order.* “You forgot the cream.”

Worker: “This one specifically states no cream.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous, and you have the wrong flavour, and is this even a large?”

Worker: “Is your name [My Name]?

Customer: “Well, no, but that’s my order.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I think that’s my order. Is it for [My Name]?”

Worker: “Er, yes? Probably. Sorry if I messed it up.”

Me: “Hey, no worries, to be honest, I rarely even use it.”

The man is stood way too close to me, arms folded.

Me: “Oh, and the coffee is perfect, thank you.”

I named my cat Muesli, like the cereal. Not everyone has heard of this kind of cereal, but then again, very few people ever have the need to pronounce my cat’s name, so it doesn’t really matter.

One day, however, I bring Muesli to the vet for his annual checkup. We’re sitting in the waiting room when we hear the vet tech reading from a clipboard.

Vet Tech: “Okay, the vet’s ready to see… uh… is it… Mussolini?”

No. No, it isn’t. I did not name my cat after a fascist dictator.

In my family, we have an abundance of men with the same common name; let’s say “John.” My father’s name was John. I had an Uncle John, who had a son, John Henry, who wanted to be called Hank until his father died, and then he wanted to be called John. My sister’s first husband’s name was John. She’s a health aide with a long-term client (eight years now) whose name is John. My first husband’s name was John. My current husband’s name is John.

To put it bluntly, I’m well-conditioned to some pretty automatic reactions to that name. This has happened to me at least twice. I’m on the phone with someone at work whose name happens to be John. We discuss whatever the call is about. When we finish up…

John: “Thanks for the information, [My Name]! Goodbye.”

Me: “Bye, John. I love you… Wait a minute!”

Our call center allows us to work from home due to health reasons as long as we have a stable Internet connection, which, thankfully, I do.

Caller: “Where am I calling? This had better be an American!”

Me: “You’re calling Cebu in the Philippines, sir.”

Caller: “I want to speak to an American, d*** it!”

I try to explain more but this caller just isn’t having it. Thankfully, due to watching too many shows and YouTube, I can do a pretty good accent from someone in the US. I put them on hold, switch accents, and come back to them.

Me: “Hello, sir, you’re speaking to [My Nickname]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Thank God, you’re an American. Where are you?”

Drawing a blank, I just think about a line from a “Star Trek” movie I have seen recently where Captain Kirk says, “I’m from Iowa; I only work in outer space.”

Me: “Iowa, sir.”

Just then, a rooster cries the typical “cock-a-doodle-do!” in the backyard of my very rural, very Filipino home that is certainly not in Iowa.

Caller: “Good! Sounds like Iowa, too! Now, my problem is—”

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My (large, multi-national) company uses a standard email format, as most do, so if you know the format, you can usually guess someone’s email address. I have a very common last name but was the first person with that last name and my first initial, so I got the standard setup. If my name is Jennifer Smith, I got smithj@[address].

A couple of years after I started, Jane Smith started. They set up her email as smith.jane@[address]. She’s in a different country and has a completely different role from me. I get a lot of emails addressed to her from people who are just guessing at her email address. Sometimes it’s stuff really for Jane, which I forward. Other times, it’s generic spam. This morning I found this in my inbox:

Emailer: “Good morning, Jane Smith! Are we reaching the right person in a company to market/sell your products or services?”