Their Leaving Is A Blessing

, , , , , | Right | November 29, 2017

(I’m showing one of my rental properties to a prospective tenant. She has looked over the apartment and everything seems to be going well. After I give her the run-down on the lease terms and whatnot, she suddenly turns.)

Prospective Tenant: “And have you had this place blessed for good fortune?”

Me: “Um, well, not really. Any religious ceremony you’d want to conduct for yourself is okay, so long as it is within the rules of the building. Bringing a religious priest, pastor, or elder in for a blessing would be fine, but things like burning incense or sage would be problematic since they might disturb the other residents of the building with the smell.”

Prospective Tenant: “Oh, no, I don’t believe in any of that voodoo stuff. I was just curious if you had a priest bless this place for your good fortune.”

Me: “I’m not particularly religious myself, so if this place has been ‘blessed,’ it was only by the occupants. Again, if you want to do a blessing, that’s fine, so long as it isn’t disruptive to other residents in some way.”

Prospective Tenant: “Well, that’s not ideal, but I suppose I can arrange for a pastor from my church to come bless this place and talk to you about accepting Jesus.”

(At that moment, she’s walking out the door to the apartment and spots the mezuzah my current tenants have hung at the door.)

Prospective Tenant: “AND WHAT IS THAT?”

Me: “I’m not entirely sure of its meaning, but as far as I understand, it’s a custom for Jewish people to hang that near the door. Don’t worry; they will remove it and patch the small holes from hanging it when they leave. They asked about hanging it, and since it’s no different, damage-wise, than a picture or whatnot, I said it was fine. Again, the holes will be patched and painted before you move in.”

Prospective Tenant: “I can’t walk under that mark of the devil! Take it off the wall! NOW!”

Me: “Um, you walked under it to come in the door, and it’s a simple piece of wood. If you don’t believe in its ‘power,’ walking past it shouldn’t do any harm. I am not going to yank that off the wall without proper tools, as I’d likely do a lot of damage to the wall trying to do so. So, let me see you out…”

Prospective Tenant: “NO! I am not going to knowingly pass through a door marked by the devil. I didn’t know when I walked in, but now I know, and I can’t walk through that door until you remove it!”

(Long story short, after I continued to refuse to pull it off the wall without any tools, she called her pastor and he told her it was okay to exit so long as she prayed to Jesus while she was “passing under that unholy mark.” Needless to say, her application wasn’t approved.)

Don’t Have High Hopes For A Police State

, , , , , | Working | November 28, 2017

(I moved to the area about six months ago from a different state and, unfortunately, my tags expired in month four. When I research the cost of registering my car in my new state, it comes to $1,500. I don’t have the money presently, so I am planning on waiting until April to register my car with my tax return money. Unfortunately, I get pulled over in March.)

Police: “I am bound by law to inform you that, for your safety, we are being audibly and visually recorded.”

Me: “Thank you.”

Police: “Did you know your tags are expired?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Police: “Why haven’t you registered your car in [State] yet?”

Me: “I am planning on registering it when my tax return comes in. At the moment, I don’t have the $1,500 that it costs to register a vehicle in [State].”

Police: “I understand. So, why didn’t you just renew it in [State I moved from]?”

Me: “Well, I don’t have an address there, so, unfortunately, I can’t.”

(She walks away and writes me a ticket. When she comes back…)

Police: “Here is your ticket. I should have your car towed, but I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you’ll get your car registered soon. Next time, just renew your tags in [State I moved from].”

(For those of you not in the USA, renewing your registration in a state where you do not reside is considered fraud.)

It’s An Old Joke In A Snowstorm

, , , , , , , | Learning | November 24, 2017

(I am in art class. The teacher has asked us to draw an animal similar to how they were drawn in the Stone Age. The teacher comes around to make sure we did the assignment.)

Student: “Look at mine.”

(He shows me his paper and it’s blank.)

Me: *joking* “Yeah, it’s a polar bear in a snowstorm.”

Teacher: *coming over* “Let me see what you have.”

Student: “It’s a polar bear in a snowstorm.”

Me: “…”

Teacher: “…”

Me: *to the student* “I was joking when I said that.”

Teacher: “Extra point for the title, but I’m marking the assignment as missing.”

Has Some Serious Bag Baggage, Part 3

, , , , | Right | November 17, 2017

(I live in a county where we charge five cents per bag, so this happens to me about ten times a day. A customer approaches on cell phone.)

Me: “Hello, how are you doing today?”

Customer: *no answer*

Me: “Would you like a bag for your items today?”

Customer: *keeps talking on phone, ignoring me*

Me: *hands their two items to them*

Customer: “I need a bag! How am I supposed to carry all of this?!”

Me: “…”

 

Related:
Has Some Serious Bag Baggage, Part 2
Has Some Serious Bag Baggage

Allergic To Common Sense, Part 12

, , , | Healthy | November 15, 2017

(I’m a manager for a popular casual restaurant. I receive a phone call from an upset customer.)

Caller: “Why don’t you offer allergy menus? My daughter almost died from eating calamari! Why would you serve her something that she is allergic to, and she’s pregnant!”

Me: “I do apologize for your daughter’s condition and we do offer a dozen different types of menus which do include an allergen menu, nutritional menus, large print menus, etc.”

Caller: “How am I supposed to know you have these menus?!”

Me: “Did you ask? Also, if your daughter knew she was allergic to calamari, why would she order it?”

Caller: “She didn’t know she was allergic to it! That’s why I was asking about the allergen menu!”

Me: “Okay, so, if she doesn’t know that she is allergic to calamari, how are we supposed to know?”

Caller: *realizes the paradox* “Well, she’s pregnant and I am really scared.”

(I’m a mom of two.)

Me: “I understand you are scared and when a person is pregnant their body goes through a lot of changes; consult with the doctor and I hope she will be okay.”

(I never got a call back I wonder if she still thinks we should automatically know if someone is allergic to something.)

Related:
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 11
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 10
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 9

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