It Takes A Surgeon To Get You Through Border Control These Days 

, , , , , , | Working | December 2, 2019

(I am going to a concert with my parents, and my mother is recovering from surgery on a broken hand during which she had numerous pins placed to stabilize the bones. Her hand is also encased in a cast. We go through the metal detectors, and naturally, my mother’s hand sets off the detector. The security guard pulls out the wand to spot-check my mom, and asks her if she has any metal that she hasn’t removed.)

Mother: “Yes, I have six pins in my hand to set the break.”

Security Guard: “You need to remove them.”

Mother: “They’re implanted into my hand and covered with a solid cast. I can’t remove them.”

Security Guard: “You can’t go in with metal. You need to remove the metal and go through the scanner again.”

Mother: “Are you a surgeon?”

Security Guard: “No.”

Mother: “These are surgical pins that have been placed into my bones by a surgeon. They’re not coming out.”

Security Guard: “You still need to remove the metal.”

Mother: *ready to wallop the guard with the cast* “Unless you are willing to pay any medical bills from pulling these pins, they are not coming out.”

(Finally, a manager came over, realized the extent of my mom’s injury, told the guard he was an idiot, and let us through.)

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Burn Back

, , , , , | Related | November 11, 2019

(I am staying at my friends’ house for the night. They are sisters, and we are currently doing each other’s hair.)

Friend #1: *messes up [Friend #2]’s hair* “Hey, at least now when people see you they will be like, ‘Eww, her hair!’ instead of, ‘Eww, her face!'”

Friend #2: “Hey!”

Me: *pause* “You guys are identical twins.”

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Needs A Higher Resolution  

, , , , , | Working | October 30, 2019

(I work in an office building and we print A LOT of stuff, so there are printers for every few cubes. I go to print off a document and notice that my usual, closest printer isn’t on my list, so I print it off somewhere else and go to check on the printer. The printer shows that it’s not available on the screen and doesn’t give any options or explanations why. I put in a ticket for IT and detail where the printer is, the issues, etc. Our IT guy marks the ticket as resolved with no comments. Seeing this, I go to check the printer and, sure enough, it’s not working, so I mark the ticket as not resolved.)

IT Guy: *calls me* “Hey, I saw that you marked my ticket as not resolved. What’s the issue?”

Me: “Yeah, the printer isn’t working still.”

IT Guy: “No, it’s resolved. I checked ALL the printers on the floor and didn’t see any issues with any of them.”

(This is not true because a couple are out of ink, etc.)

Me: “Um… Nooo… The printer itself says it’s not available and won’t work.”

IT Guy: “No, it must be your laptop.”

Me: “No, it’s not. I’m looking at the screen right now. It shows that it’s not available on the printer itself. The printer is showing this error. I’m not even on my laptop.”

IT Guy: “No, no… I checked all the printers on the floor. They’re all fine. It’s your laptop. I’ll put in a ticket for someone to check your laptop. Don’t mark this ticket as unresolved again. It’s your laptop.”

Me: *bangs head on desk*

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Meet My Mother, Karen

, , , | Right | October 17, 2019

(I work at a movie theater. It’s a premiere weekend, there is a flu outbreak so we’re short-staffed, and one of our popcorn machines has broken down, meaning our concessions lines are long and slow. A customer and her teenage daughter approach, and I can tell there’s going to be trouble. Before I can even say hello, the customer starts.)

Customer: “We have been waiting in line for twenty minutes! This is ridiculous; the wait should never be this long! What is the matter with this theater that the line is moving so slowly?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m so sorry for your wait; we’re short-staffed tonight. What can I get you?”

(She orders, still very surly, and I move to gather her drinks and candy before stepping in line behind several of my coworkers at our one working popcorn machine. I can overhear the woman’s conversation with her daughter.)

Customer: “This is absolutely ridiculous. We’re going to miss the start of the movie!”

Daughter: “It’s okay. There will be a bunch of previews;  we’re not going to miss anything.”

Customer: “These workers are so lazy. If they got the lead out and picked up the pace a little bit, we wouldn’t have this long of a wait, anyway. Oh, I can’t believe it. I’ve been waiting to see this for months and now we’re going to miss the beginning.”

Daughter: “She said that they were short-staffed, and this place is mobbed. I’m sure she’s doing her best.”

Customer: “No, did you see the way she rolled her eyes at me? She’s doing it on purpose; she wants us to miss the start of our movie.”

Daughter: “Come on, Mom. It’s not like she knows we’re running late. No one’s doing it on purpose.”

(I approach with the popcorn at this moment and make sure to give my best customer-service smile. Again, before I get a chance to speak, the customer, already pushing her credit card into my hand, snaps at me.)

Customer: “You’ve made us miss the start of our movie. I hope you’re happy.”

Daughter: “Oh, my God, Mom, she’s not doing it on purpose! It’s a busy day, she said they were short-staffed, we’re the ones who were running late in the first place, and you’re being really impolite to her!”

(The customer turns bright red. For a second I worry she’s about to yell at her daughter, too, but all she does is gather up the food and take her card back when I hand it to her. She walks away as soon as I do, but the daughter lingers.)

Daughter: “I’m really sorry; she’s never like this. It’s been a really bad week, but you shouldn’t have to deal with this. I’m sorry.”

Me: “Oh, it’s okay! You don’t have to apologize–“

Daughter: “Yeah, but I wanted to. I hope your day gets better!”

(I really hope the daughter enjoyed the movie.)

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Unfiltered Story #167653

, , | Unfiltered | September 23, 2019

(I have just spoken to a reseller of one of our products who is noting that one of their customers is getting frustrated at some of the levels of service and options available to them to troubleshoot a problem. I offer to call them directly to answer any questions they might have. Reseller provides the mobile number of the client, who I call from my office phone).

Client: Hello?

Me: Hello.. *I pause briefly, it’s unusual for a business contact to answer the phone without identifying themselves and their business, so I’m waiting for more from the other side of the call. Nothing further comes*

Me: .. is this [Name of Contact]?

Client: *pause* TAKE ME OFF YOUR LIST AND NEVER CALL ME AGAIN! *hangs up*

(I called back 3 more times, either the call rang until it was picked up by voice-mail, or the contact would give me the busy tone after a couple of rings)