Making A Show Out Of Working There

, , , , | Right | September 22, 2020

It’s a small staff and my boss and coworkers are almost all out of the office, so even though I’m relatively new to the working world, I’m the most senior employee in the back office at the moment. A young man huffs and puffs into my doorway and approaches my desk.

Customer: *Rolling his eyes* “Your box office seller is new. Ugh. He didn’t recognize me, and I need to get my employee discount for tickets for [Upcoming Performance].”

Me: “He’s not new, and I don’t recognize you, either.”

Customer: “How dare you?! I’m an usher!”

Since I work in the back office, I suppose that this guy is on the roster to work an occasional shift and I just haven’t met him yet.

Me: “Um, we don’t actually have an employee discount at the box office. You either work the show or…”

Customer: *Scoffing* “Well, then, put me on the schedule to work the show!”

Me: “The… house manager manages the usher schedule. Not the marketing department.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I can’t believe you won’t help me! Let me talk to [Former Executive Director]!”

My eyebrow shoots up.

Me: “Sir. She resigned three years ago. You say you’re a current employee?”

Customer: “Um, I guess it’s been a little while since I worked a show… Three years? Really?”

Me: “Yup.”

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Unfiltered Story #204353

, , | Unfiltered | August 8, 2020

(It is close to the inauguration, and we’re getting a lot of wackjob customers who have very strong opinions about Trump. But this one was the worst of the worst.)

Wackjob: “I’m going to tell everyone that Trump is a pothead at his inauguration! I can prove it. Will you call my lawyer if I get arrested? His number is this.”

Me: “Um what?”

Wackjob: “Oh and Trump might send a hitman to silence me beforehand, so you might want some more security.”

Me: *jawdrop*

Wackjob: “Yes, I don’t want anyone to be hurt. Because he WILL SHOOT YOU if you try anything.” *leaves*

(I pulled myself together and was extremely nervous that one of his wackjob friends would try to attack, but I wasn’t sure to call the police or not. I knew the police would bother with anyone acting paranoid. Usually I call them if there is a noise disturbance, and I wasn’t sure if this counted as a terrorist attack. Fortunately, my manager called the police himself and asked them to escort him out! Thankfully, the wackjob didn’t return.)

Unfiltered Story #196529

, , | Unfiltered | June 13, 2020

(I’m having brunch at the bar of a popular restaurant. As its Sunday, its very crowded for tables and they offer people to have a drink at the bar as they wait for a table to clear if they want. Two ladies in their mid forties sit at the bar a few seats from me.)

Bartender: Hello Ladies. Are you waiting for a table outside

Lady 1: Yes but we want a cocktail while we wait.

Bartender: What can I get you?

Lady 1: Oh we already ordered. That man over there helped us.

(The waitress stares confused glancing back at the man she pointed to)

Lady 2: ummm….

Lady 1: One sangria and one mimsoa

Lady 2: We didn’t order

Lady 1: Oh my god you’re right. We told each other what we wanted but we didn’t order

Bartender: Oh good. I was concerned because he isn’t a bartender and it didn’t look like he put in any orders. I’ll get them for you.

Waiting For The (American) Coin To Drop

, , , , , | Working | May 28, 2020

I’m on vacation with my son in our nation’s capital, visiting the National Zoo. The vending machines take large bills, and at some point during the day, I buy a drink and get dollar coins as change. Later on, we are buying a meal in one of the cafes and I try to pay with the dollar coins.

Cashier: “I’m sorry, I can’t accept these. We can only take American money.”

Me: “What? That is American money.”

Cashier: “No, it’s not.”

Me: “It says, ‘United States of America.’”

Cashier: “It looks fake.”

Me: “I got it as change in one of your vending machines. You must have had other people pay with them, too.”

She eventually called over her manager to confirm that dollar coins were, in fact, real money. No harm done, but how do you work at the National Zoo and not recognize American money?

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Unfiltered Story #194447

, , , | Unfiltered | May 20, 2020

(I am working at the circulation desk of the library at my university. This is during the summer and the closing shift, so it’s usually pretty quiet. A patron walks in and approaches the desk. Note that I am a very pale Caucasian woman with colored eyes.)

Patron: “Do you speak Persian? You look like you could pass.”

Me: *speechless*

(I have stock responses for everything but this, it seems!)