A Most Note-worthy Erection

, , , , | Related | October 12, 2017

(I am about 16 years old. Our family is from Pennsylvania, and we decide to take a roadtrip to Florida. My siblings and I are riding with our mother in one van while our father follows in the second van with the luggage. We are on the highway passing Washington DC, and my mother begins to tell us how she went to school there and so on.)

Mom: “Okay, kids, look out to the left. We are about to pass the Lincoln memorial. Do you see it there off in the distance? And, oh, look! There’s the Washington monument. It’s that one sticking up like a penis!

Me: “Mom!”

Mom: *completely unfazed* “What? It looks like an erect penis.”

Me:Mom!

Not Anal About Phrasing

, , , | Romantic | August 1, 2017

(I was chatting with a coworker, and she mentioned another coworker of ours has a crush on her.)

Coworker #1: “Nothing against [Coworker #2] as a person, but I could never go out with him. He’s not my type.”

Me: “How do you mean?”

Coworker #1: “You know me. I’m pretty laid-back, and he’s an anal type. I don’t do anal.”

(I knew what she meant, but she paused, and then nearly fainted from trying to restrain her laughter.)

Coworker #1: “God, why did I say it that way?!”