A Left Turn Against You

, , , | | Legal | August 6, 2019

(I am driving in DC — my first time — in a time before GPS on cellphones. I am carefully following written directions. They are written by my uncle who actually lives in the city. A cop is in front of me and turns left. I follow. To my surprise, he pulls me over.)

Cop: “Do you know why I pulled you over?”

Me: “No.”

Cop: “Left turns are illegal on this road.”

Me: *stunned* “I followed you!”

Cop: “What did you say?”

Me: “I said I followed you! You turned left first!”

(I admit I was young and stupid. Thought the truth would make a difference. It didn’t. I got ticketed. I wrote a letter explaining what happened and complaining that the cop had broken the law right in front of me. It didn’t help; I still had to pay.)

China’s Metro Construction Has Gone Into Overdrive

, , , | | Related | July 25, 2019

(I am riding the metro and a little kid is acting rambunctious. To calm and distract him, his mother decides to read the list of stations the train stops at from the digital sign. It works well, until…)

Mother: “So then, the train stops at Farragut North, and then at Metro Center, and then at Gallery Place-Chinatown–”

(At the mention of this last station, the boy’s eyes go wide with excitement and he joyfully exclaims:)

Boy: “YOU MEAN THIS TRAIN GOES ALL THE WAY TO CHINA?”

Something Tells Me You Don’t Want To Touch Her Photos

, , , , | | Friendly | July 22, 2019

(Having not had much sleep the night before, I decide to go to the quiet car on my train home to NYC. Because I know the train will be full, I take the first available seat, which is next to an older woman who only reluctantly moves her bag from the seat. She is fiddling with her smartphone. I get my stuff situated, sit down, recline the seat slightly, and close my eyes for a nap. The train has not even left the station yet. After a minute, the woman starts talking loudly and angrily.)

Woman: “If you touch my phone again I will f*** you up!” 

(I open my eyes and see that she is clearly yelling at me:)

Me: “Um, huh?”

Woman: “You f***** with my photos!”

Me: *incredulous* “Miss, I didn’t touch your phone. I’m just sitting here.” 

Woman: “My photos were working fine and then you sat down and now they aren’t here! That’s personal property; you can’t go messing with that! You mess with that again and I’m going to f*** you up!”

Me: “Lady, I literally sat down and closed my eyes. I didn’t even touch your seat, let alone your phone. There is no way that I could have done anything to affect your photos. I think you need to calm down.” 

Woman: *harrumphs* “Then it must have been her!” 

(She pointed to the person in the seat in front of her and then went back to fiddling with her phone.)

90% Off With 100% Love

, , , | | Hopeless | July 20, 2019

(My family moves from Florida to Tennessee when I am three or four years old. We don’t have much furniture, and we stop by a furniture store in DC on our way from visiting friends to get some. We have a budget of $500 and aren’t planning on getting much. We see a sale room with furniture that is all on sale, with a lot off. There is a man with one of those wheels that you spin to get a percentage off. My mom spins.) 

Man: “10%? Hmm… That’s not a lot…” *points to me* “She’s so cute! Let her spin.”

(I spin, and the wheel is about to land on 10% again, and this man makes the wheel spin a bit longer.)

Man: “90%! Congratulations!”

(We were able to get just about all of our furniture for $500, and it was a blessing that my family really needed in that rough spot.)

Unfiltered Story #157538

, , | | Unfiltered | July 11, 2019

I am the customer in this situation. The weeds has been something awful in our backyard all summer, to the point where no matter how much weeding we do, we cannot seem to keep ahead of them. My husband and I head to our local hardware store to look for weedkiller, which I generally dislike using but I am so frustrated that I am looking for the best bottled poison available.

Hardware Employee: Ma’am, can I help you find something?

Me: Yes, I am looking for some weedkiller. Something strong.

Hardware Employee: Well, we have this brand, which guarantees the weeds to stay gone for up to 90 days. *points me over brand in question*

Me: *inspects bottle* Anything stronger?

Hardware Employee: This is pretty strong, ma’am, it’s the strongest thing we carry.

Me: *absentmindedly* No, no, I need the weeds gone. Dead. *emphatic pause* Forever.

Hardware Employee: … *glances at my husband*

Husband: Honey, they don’t sell atomic bombs here.

I finally clue in, blank stare and all, and we all had a laugh before taking our weedkiller to the check out line.

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