Out Of Art, Air, Space, History, And Industry, Which Is The Main One?

, , , , | Right | April 30, 2021

There are several Smithsonian museums in the area.

Tourist: “Where’s the main Smithsonian gift shop?”

I explain that each museum has a gift shop that highlights the items in that building.

Tourist: “But where’s the main one?”

I give the same explanation but simpler.

Tourist: “But where’s the main one?”

Tourist’s Son: “Dad, aren’t you listening?”

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Do They Do That With ALL Traffic Signs?

, , , , | Right | April 30, 2021

Tourist: “When the sign says, ‘No Parking,’ do they mean it?”

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H2-Woah, Part 7

, , , , | Right | April 27, 2021

I volunteer part-time at the Washington Monument. A nice tourist family comes up to me.

Nice Family: “Where can I get some water?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t sell bottled water here. The closest place is [direction and distance], and last I saw it was like $3 each.”

The mother of another family overhears this and storms straight over.

Mom:What?! There are some kids right over there selling it for $1 each. You should go buy from the kids.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we really don’t recommend buying from non-licensed vendors. I need to report this to the capitol police so that they don’t sell there anymore.”

Mom: “That’s ridiculous! You’re ripping people off! I bet you’re in league with them and getting your pockets lined!”

Me: “Ma’am, let me ask you a question… When you got your bottle of water, did the kids crack open the bottle before they handed it to you?”

Mom: “Yes.”

Me: “That’s because, in a lot of cases, the water bottle was already opened. They just pretend to open it so that you don’t know it was already opened. We see a lot of kids that fish empty water bottles out of the recycling bins and refill them and sell them to tourists. That’s why we recommend you only buy from licensed vendors.”


She throws the bottle and barely misses my face.


H2-Woah, Part 6
H2-Woah, Part 5
H2-Woah, Part 4
H2-Woah, Part 3
H2-Woah, Part 2

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Not Phishing Until The Cows Come Home

, , , , | Working | February 11, 2021

My wife, an IT manager, is tasked by her director with arranging for more than a hundred employees to receive holiday gift cards from a very, very large e-commerce company. The initial process is actually very easy, as she creates a single file with all of the work email addresses and then submits the order on our personal account because my wife’s company doesn’t have a corporate account, at least that she can access. We are fortunate to have a lot of unused credit, so we are able to front the thousands of dollars until she is reimbursed, which will happen prior to our bill being due.

The next day, my wife answers a call from a man with an Indian accent.

Caller: “Is this [My Name]?”

She hands the phone to me.

Me: “Yes, this is [My Name].”

Caller: “Did you…”

The background noise is so loud that it sounds like the man is on the street in Mumbai or in a market in Hyderabad. We hear cows mooing, horns honking, and people yelling, and we can barely hear the man.

Me: “What did you say?”

I’m wondering if this is some sort of scam call.

Caller: “Garble, garble, garble…”

Now we hear two people yelling at each other in the background, but we still can’t hear the man. I’m getting more concerned that this is a scam, but I’m also getting interested in what the scammer is trying to do.

I finally hear the man ask:

Caller: “Did you authorize [same exact amount as we spent on Large E-Commerce Site]?”

I realize that rather than a scammer, this man is actually “fraud prevention,” because no scammer would know that amount, and a scammer would ask for some information from me.

Me: “Yes, I spent that money on gift cards at [E-Commerce Site].”

Caller: “Thank you.”

And then, with one last “moo” in the background, the line went dead.

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Hmm, Wonder If She Got The Job

, , , , , | Working | February 9, 2021

I work in a restaurant. A woman walks in the door past groups of people waiting in line.

Woman: “I need to see [Manager #1] right now!

Hostess: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but [Manager #1] left just a couple of minutes ago. Is there anything I or [Manager #2] can do to help you?”

Woman: “Well, [Manager #1] told me to come in at four for a job interview. I’m just an hour late; he should’ve waited for me. The nerve of some people!”

Hostess: “Umm… I can take your name and number down and have him call you?”

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