Today Is All Sixes And Sevens

, , , , | Related | June 14, 2018

(It is my daughter’s birthday and she asked for a trip to a particular museum this year. This one requires an entrance fee. Children six and under are free. It’s a long shot, but I try to distract my precocious and overly friendly child while her father manages the tickets.)

Daughter: *to cashier* “It’s my birthday!”

Cashier: “Today? Well, then, happy birthday! How old are you?”

(My husband and I exchange glances. We know what is coming.)

Daughter: “I’m SEVEN!”

(My husband pulls out his wallet to pay.)

Husband: “Two adults… and one child, please.”

Me: “We should have come yesterday.”

A Verbal Disagreement

, , , , | Working | May 9, 2018

(My youngest daughter is autistic, and nonverbal. She’s over 18, but I have power of attorney. Because it gives her better coverage, she is on her father’s — my ex husband’s — insurance plan, which I am not on. Invariably, whenever I have to try to do anything with her insurance, I have some trouble, but this last time was the worst of all.)

Representative: “Hello. How may I help you?”

Me: “Hi, I’m calling about policy [number] on behalf of my daughter, [Daughter], whose birthday is [date]. I’m [My Name], and if you look at her file, you’ll see I have power of attorney to handle her coverage.”

Representative: “I see. Are you the policy holder?”

Me: “No. My ex-husband is the policy holder, but I have power of attorney to handle my daughter’s policy, as well.”

Representative: “Hmm… Can your daughter confirm that with me? Just put her on the phone and have her give me her name and birthday.”

Me: “No, I can’t do that. If you look at the note on her file, I have power of attorney because she’s nonverbal. She is literally incapable of speaking with you.”

Representative: “Ma’am, if you’re not the policyholder, and you can’t get me her permission, I can’t help you.”

Me: “You already have permission in the form of power of attorney; it’s in her file. Are you looking at her file?”

Representative: “Ma’am, I can’t do anything for you or for her without her permission.”

Me: “She is not capable of giving it over the phone. She is nonverbal. That is why I went to a judge, and was granted a notarized power of attorney, which I then sent to your company to have filed with her records. You have access to that file; if you’ve entered in the information I’ve given you, you can see that. Do you need me to repeat any part of our information?”

Representative: “Ma’am, your daughter is a legal adult. I need her consent before I can speak to you.”

Me: “May I please speak to your supervisor?”

Representative: “Ma’am, you are attempting to access information about a policy that you have no right to. I have no obligation to continue this call.”

Me: “Will you listen to me—”

Representative: *hangs up*

Not Taking Account

, , , , | Right | April 24, 2018

(This customer is on his phone.)

Me: “Do you have a rewards card with us?”

Customer: *gives number*

Me: “I’m sorry, that number isn’t coming up; is there another I could try?”

Customer: *gives another number*

Me: “I’m sorry, that number isn’t coming up, either.”

Customer: *gets off phone* “What?!”

Me: “Neither of those numbers are coming up in our system.”

Customer: “Well, that’s not my problem, is it?! I’ve been coming here for 15 years!”

Me: *tries numbers again* “Sir, I’m sorry, but those still aren’t coming up.”

Customer: “Are you checking to see if I have an account?”

Me: “A rewards card, yes.”

Customer: “I don’t have one. I was on the phone, so I didn’t know what you were saying.”

Parenting Pays

, , , , , | Related | April 23, 2018

Once while out shopping, my husband saw a terrible child and quietly slipped our kids each a quarter “for not being that kid.” It became a family “thing.” Sometimes the kids will see awful behavior and just hold out their hands. This joke persists to this day.

When our son was in high school, he and his dad went to a game shop. They were standing in line when another family came in. The mother in the other family was awful. She was swearing and rude and pushy.

Our son silently looked at my husband, pulled a dollar out of his pocket, and gave it to his dad. Later, he said that the woman was so awful that his dad deserved a dollar for “really, really not being that parent!”

A Selfless Selfie Act

, , , , | Hopeless | April 12, 2018

My family and I went to a comic convention where my daughter was able to meet a pretty well-known male voice actor. My daughter is autistic, and due to the disability, we were able to get special bracelets and jump part of the line to see this particular celebrity. This was a nice accommodation, and I was pretty happy that my daughter wouldn’t have to wait in a long line; she doesn’t do well waiting.

We got called up to see said celebrity, and my daughter was gushing, asking really simple, easy-to-answer questions, over and over again. I mentioned that she was autistic, so this was how she talked and interacted with people.

The celebrity, upon learning my daughter was autistic, looked at his handler and said, “Don’t charge them. The autograph and selfie ($60) are free.”

I almost started to cry. I was absolutely willing to shell out the money to make my daughter happy. This man was absolutely amazing and took at least five minutes to devote time to her and did all the voices she requested. If he’s at another comic convention we can attend, we’re definitely going to see him again, if only to just say, “Hello.”

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