I Poultry Effort To Get In

, , , , , | Healthy | March 17, 2019

(I’m just having one of those “glitch in the Matrix” weeks, where weird things keep happening out of the blue. This is just one example. I work in a vet clinic. It’s Tuesday evening. I’m the only staff member still at work, and we’re less than an hour from closing. The vet has gone to her other office for the evening, and we’re only still open for pickup — meds, patients, etc. The door opens and a woman walks in.)

Me: “Hi. How can I help you?”

Woman: *smiles confidently at me* “Oh, hello. I am here with my chicken.”

Me: *sure I heard wrong since we don’t treat livestock* “I’m sorry, your chicken?”

Woman: “Yes. She is sick.”

Me: “I apologize, but we don’t see livestock here. And the vet is not here currently. But you may want to try [Larger Emergency Vet Hospital]; I believe they see livestock. I can give you their information if you need it—”

Woman: *suddenly enraged, her face turning violently red* “NO! I was told you see chickens!”

Me: “Ma’am, I apologize, but we, unfortunately, do not have a vet who treats livestock here. I recommend trying to see if [Larger Emergency Vet Hospital] is able to see her.”

(Getting redder by the moment, she shoves the basket with her chicken in it in my face; she’d had it under the raised counter where I couldn’t see it.)


Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am, but there’s nothing I can do. Even if my vet was here — unfortunately, she isn’t right now — she doesn’t treat chickens. Other than referring you elsewhere, I can’t help you.”

(She shoves her chicken in my face again. It is getting increasingly upset each time the owner violently swings her basket into my face.)


(I open my mouth to repeat everything again when the woman abruptly makes a frustrated screech to cut me off. Clearly aware she’s not going to get her way, she stomps out. Then, from the hallway, I hear:)


Unfiltered Story #140374

, , | Unfiltered | February 15, 2019

(My fiancée is a veterinarian. She is nearing the end of an appointment for a dog that has been vomiting and not eating well. The dog is a neutered male. Note: male dogs have glands next to the penis that are similar to prostate glands.)

Owner: Oh, and I have one other question…

Fiancée: Okay, what’s your question?

Owner: Sometimes I put my hand on my dogs belly area and the two round things next to his penis get bigger and bigger and I hold him tight until he feels all better. Do other people do this?

(Her instinct was to yell, “WHAT? are you serious? No, people do NOT do that!” Fortunately, her answer was more professional-sounding:)

Fiancée: Well… People do lots of things, but usually, no.

Owner: Oh okay. Thank you. I can ask you because you’re a lady doctor and I couldn’t ask a man doctor about this.

(When relating this story, my fiancée said: “If you need to ask a question like this maybe you shouldn’t be doing it at all.” I don’t have her education, but I wonder if the dog’s medical troubles were actually just disgust at its owner.)

Unfiltered Story #139419

, , | Unfiltered | February 9, 2019

(I work in the kennels at a vet. My coworkers and I are currently walking the dogs that had boarded with us, passing through the lobby. I’m coming in right behind my coworker who had a trio of poodles.  Most people don’t seem to know that poodles are actually really tall and athletic, and it’s just the French and miniature types that are small. A woman stops me in the doorway.)

Woman: *really excited* Ooh, pardon my asking, but were those dogs that just went by Labradoodles?

Me: No, sorry, they’re just poodles. Standard poodles.

Woman: *looks really disappointed and confused* Oh…

Give This Customer A Cupcake

, , , , , , | Right | January 21, 2019

(A young woman walks into our vet’s office with a German Shepherd.)

Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am. Do you have an appointment?”

Lady: “Yes, my name is [Lady] and this is Cupcake.”

Me: “I see he is here for his rabies and distemper shots.”

Lady: “That’s correct.”

Me: “I don’t want to sound condescending, but the distemper shot won’t make him nicer.”

Lady: “Oh, I know that… Do people actually believe that?”

(I’m a little shocked by this.)

Me: “Unfortunately, you’re one of the few people I’ve met that hasn’t said, ‘When will it make my pet nicer?’”

Lady: “I’m sorry you guys have to deal with knuckleheads like that.”

Me: “It’s okay. Every job has its risks.”

(I wish I could’ve given her a discount. I found out later that she is a service dog trainer. My niece is blind, and Cupcake became her service dog after she learned how to use a cane.)

Just Tell Them They Will Get Dog Breath

, , , , | Healthy Right | January 20, 2019

(I’m a receptionist for a busy veterinarian office. We have a strict policy of not giving medical advice over the phone for the protection of the patients, as I am not a medical professional; I am a receptionist with zero medical training. A frantic woman calls.)

Caller: “What’s going to happen to me? I used my dog’s toothbrush!”

Me: “I don’t believe anything should happen to you, but if you’re worried, you should call your own doctor for advice.”

Caller: “But don’t you know?! You know about dogs; you should know what will happen to me!”

(Both my other phone lines are now ringing.)

Me: “I cannot give medical advice over the phone. Also, we are a veterinarian. If you need medical advice for people, you need to speak to a human doctor.”

Caller: “But don’t you know? You know about dogs.”

Me: *repeating myself* “I really cannot give medical advice for pets or humans. If you are worried, call your own doctor. Now, I need to answer some other calls.”

Caller: “Okay. I just don’t understand why you can’t tell me what will happen to me.”

(I had to hang up on the woman because she wouldn’t stop whining about it.)

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