I’m a vet tech. Today, the husband of a couple brought in their dog.

Me: “Okay, are you here to update Fluffy’s vaccines?”

Man: “I guess.”

Me: “How’s everything going on at home? Are there any concerns you’d like us to address?”

Man: “I don’t know. My wife just told me to bring the dog.”

Me: “Okay, cool.”

Cue one hour later, the wife calls.

Wife: “Hey, is there any reason why you didn’t address X, Y, and Z?”

Me: *Feeling my spirit leave my body.* “Ma’am, I’m afraid you’re going to have to speak to your toddler of a husband. He didn’t bring any of that stuff up during his visit, even when I explicitly asked him.”

There was a beat of silence, then:

Wife: “I’ll take care of it.”

The next appointment had a very sulky, but very well-informed, husband whose weaponized incompetence had been thoroughly handled.

I’m in the waiting room of a vet with my cat, waiting to be called back into an exam room. While playing on my phone, the conversation from the desk is getting louder and louder, to the point that the man standing there is shouting at the receptionist.

Man: “NO ONE TOLD ME I NEEDED TO BRING HIM!”

Front Desk Receptionist: “Sir, the only way we can do an exam is if you bring your dog here.”

Man: “THEY TOLD ME TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT; THEY NEVER TOLD ME TO BRING HIM!”

This goes back and forth a few times, and the man storms out. The front desk receptionist sighs and looks over to me.

Front Desk Receptionist: “Ma’am, thank you for bringing [Pet Name] in today without needing a reminder to bring your pet to the vet.”

Me: “I wouldn’t have ever thought that would need to be said out loud until today.”

Front Desk Receptionist: “It happens every few months, sadly.”

I’m working at the veterinary equivalent of an emergency room. A woman brings in her Labrador late at night:

Woman: “He has bloat! Like a crazy amount of bloat!”

The dog is indeed looking heavily bloated (gastric dilation) and worse for wear. I take down the information while the vet takes the Lab in for vitals and an immediate X-ray.

The surgeon is scrubbing up regardless of the result (you can’t dawdle if a dog has bloat), but then the X-ray tech comes out and asks the woman:

Tech: “Ma’am, when did [Dog’s Name] last eat?”

Woman: “I already told her that!” *Pointing at me.* “This morning! I was going to feed him when I got back from work, but that’s when I noticed the bloat.”

Tech: “And nothing else since this morning.”

Woman: “No!”

Tech: “You’re absolutely sure?”

Woman: “Why are you asking me all this?!”

Suddenly, her eyes go wide. She takes out her phone and calls her husband.

Woman: “[Husband], listen, go into the pantry.”

Pause.

Woman: “I need you to check the bag of dog food.”

Pause.

Woman: “What do you mean it’s empty?!”

Yup. Turns out he’d found a gallon bag of dog food, eaten the entire thing, and was TOO FULL TO CONTRACT HIS STOMACH enough to throw up. 

The tech and surgeon, highly relieved, gave the poor boy some fluids to help him digest. 

Later, as the woman is paying the bill, she’s looking at her dog, who, despite being a gallon overfed, still looks happy and is wagging his tail.

Woman: “Ugh! Could you be any more of a f****** Labrador?!”

A young woman rushes in with a puppy tucked under one arm. After the preliminary check-in process:

Owner: “I’m really worried. He’s barely eating.”

Vet: “How long has this been going on?”

Owner: “About a week.”

Vet: “Has he been drinking water?”

Owner: “Yes.”

Vet: “Vomiting? Diarrhea?”

Owner: “No.”

Vet: “Low energy?”

Owner: “Not at all. He’s constantly running around.”

The puppy chooses this moment to zoom across the exam room and explore a cabinet.

Vet: “Okay. Tell me exactly what he is eating.”

Owner: “Well… he won’t touch his kibble.”

Vet: “Nothing else?”

Owner: “Sometimes he’ll eat boiled chicken.”

Vet: “Will he eat that on his own, or do you need to convince him?”

Owner: “He eats it immediately.”

Vet: “Anything else?”

Owner: “Well, he’ll eat his treats.”

Vet: “Also immediately?”

Owner: “Uhm… yes.”

Vet: “Anything else?”

Owner: “A little cheese.”

Vet: “Immediately?”

Owner: “…yes.”

The vet and I share a look. He conducts a physical examination of this perfectly healthy puppy.

Vet: “Okay, so he’s not starving.”

Owner: “Then why is he crying at his food bowl?”

Vet: “Because every time he complains to management, management upgrades his meal.”

I work as a registered veterinary technician. We had a woman call our hospital when our veterinarian had to leave early for a family emergency, so we were left to control traffic and had already called all of our scheduled appointments for the day to reschedule them.

This lady called to make a new appointment:

Lady: “My dog isn’t acting normal!”

Me: “Can you please describe what that means?”

Lady: “Well, he seems depressed!”

Me: “Is he eating and drinking normally?”

Lady: “Yes, but he just isn’t like himself. I’m very concerned! I must insist on being seen immediately!”

Me: “Our veterinarian had to leave early, but we have other hospitals, such as [Hospital fifteen minutes’ drive away], you could call and see if you can be seen at?”

Lady: “I don’t want to drive that far. Why can’t the other vets at that hospital just drive to where you are so I can be seen?”

Me: “It doesn’t work like that. Those veterinarians have to stay where they’re assigned.”

Lady: “Well then, assign them to me!”

Me: “No, ma’am. You need to go to them.”

Lady: “I hope you’re happy! You’re killing my dog!” *Click.*