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Give Her Some Information About How Lines Work  

, , | Right | September 9, 2019

(I am in the line for the information desk on a cruise ship. Behind me are at least ten more people. Just as it is my turn, an older woman cuts the line in front of me.)

Woman: “I want to…”

Employee: “I’m sorry, you’re going to have to wait in line.”

Woman: “But I just want information!”

Employee: *looks at all of us standing and waiting there* “Yeah, well, so do they.”

(The woman turned to stare at us and, grumbling, she went to wait in the now even longer line.)

Owls Aren’t Meant For Oversea Voyages

, , , , , | Right | June 5, 2019

My better half booked a two-week cruise for us both. She is fastidious when it comes to paperwork. We board after showing our tickets and are directed to our room.

While we are unpacking, there’s a knock on the door. We open it to see one of the cruise workers and a lady. The lady reminds me of an owl by the way she is peeking around the employee, looking into my room. I shut the door a tad so she can’t peer in, and I am informed that there seems to be an issue with the booking.

The employee asks if I could make my way to the purser’s desk with any paperwork we may have. We get the folder containing the paperwork and I head off with Mrs. Owl to get this sorted.

After ten minutes of listening to Mrs. Owl complain how unprofessional everything is, we get to the front of the line and are asked by the purser for any documentation we may have to help clear up the matter.

I hand her the folder saying, “This is every piece of correspondence between my partner, me, and your company, in chronological order starting with my partner’s first inquiry up until yesterday morning confirming our room number.”

The purser looks to Mrs. Owl. Mrs. Owl hands her a sticky note with a handwritten number on it.

Ten minutes later, I’m back in my room with my feet up drinking an extremely alcoholic cocktail.

Not sure what happened to the Owls.

Reached My T-Total For Rich Snobs

, , , | Friendly | December 21, 2018

(I am on a cruise ship. I get on an elevator that has a teenage girl and two women in it, with one of the women looking a bit more prim and proper than the other. Based on something they say as I enter, I assume it is a girl, her mother, and her upscale aunt.)

Aunt: “So, why was your husband wearing a t-shirt?”

Mother: “Because tonight is a casual night for dinner.”

Aunt: *in a serious, almost offended tone* “T-shirts aren’t casual; t-shirts are for the poor!”

(I manage not to laugh. The door opens and they get off. As the door closes I hear the mother say, “We were just talking about your shirt…”)

Great Wisdom In You, I See

, , , | Friendly | June 19, 2018

(I am an avid trivia buff, so while on a cruise, I go to most of the trivia events. One night, we’re sitting through movie poster trivia; the host has removed the titles from classic movie posters, which are shown on a screen, and the idea is to identify the movie. He then asks various bonus questions about each one. I am married, but my husband is not on the trip with me, so I don’t have access to his plentiful film knowledge. One of the movies in question is “The Force Awakens,” which I can identify easily enough, and I’m delighted that I know the answers to all of the Star Wars bonus questions. Once all of the posters have been examined and the bonus questions asked, we review the answers.)

Host: “Now, what movie is this?”

Almost Everyone:Star Wars: The Force Awakens!”

Host: “Good! Make sure you specifically have The Force Awakens written down. First bonus question: what is the fastest ship in the galaxy?”

Almost Everyone: “The Millennium Falcon!”

Host: “Who is the co-pilot of that ship?”

Almost Everyone: “Chewbacca!”

Host: “And what is the name of his home planet?”

Me: “Kashyyyk!”

Host: “What?”

Me: “Kashyyyk.”

Host: “I… I actually don’t know what to say. I’ve been running this trivia game for weeks, and this is the first time anyone has actually known the answer to that question. Even I didn’t know the answer to that question.”

Me: “So… do I get the point?”

Host: “No one here can refute your answer, so yes, you get the point. I had no idea I was in the presence of the trivia queen.”

Me: “I’m a sci-fi nerd by marriage.”

Host: “No, madam, you’re just a nerd.”

(Everyone laughs and we continue the answer review. I do not have the highest score at the end of the game, so I don’t receive one of the promised prizes. However, the host approaches me.)

Host: “In honor of your remarkable knowledge, I have this for you.”

(He put a MEDAL around my neck. I’d sailed with this cruise line before, so I’d seen these medals in the past: a blue ribbon with a silver charm shaped like the cruise line’s logo. They’re usually awarded for the various athletic competitions. I thanked him for the gift, then immediately texted my husband at home to tell him what happened. For the remainder of the cruise, I was variously identified as “the Chewbacca lady” and “the trivia queen” by both staff members and other passengers.)

Planet Human

, , , , , | Working | April 23, 2018

(I’m a senior deckhand for a local cruise line. As such, I’m not only responsible for the safety gear and line handling during cruises, but for maintenance duties on the various boats, as is the rest of the Operations Department. On this day, I’ve spent an entire shift below decks, squished into the steering void of one of the boats, degreasing, grinding rust off of, and painting the rudder bar. Needless to say, I’ve gone a little stir crazy.)

Me: *in my best David Attenborough voice* “And here, we see the vanishingly rare Ops Gremlin emerging from her protective burrow. Should she see her shadow, we will have six more weeks of eight-passenger cruises…”

(My coworker, who was working the project with me, absolutely lost it for a few seconds, then insisted I post this here.)