Flirty Percent Off!

, , , , | Right | July 3, 2018

(I work in the drive-thru, and at our restaurant, we give discounts to the employees of the hardware store we’re located in front of. Unfortunately, we don’t give them out through the drive-thru, only inside. I’m female, and the customer who just pulled up to my window is also female.)

Customer: “Oh, and I have my employee ID for the discount.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t give the discount for orders in the drive-thru, only inside.”

Customer: “I’d have to come inside? Why can’t you just give it to me? Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, it’s only for the inside, but I’ll ask a manager for you to make sure.”

(I call over my — male — manager by his name and ask him. He tells me what I already know and walks away.)

Me: “Yeah, he said I can’t give it to you.”

Customer: *begins shouting my manager’s name* “[MANAGER]! HEY, [MANAGER]! That’s his name, right? Can you go get him?”

(I get him, and he goes over to talk to the customer. I can’t hear their conversation, but I can see it. My coworker walks over to me and watches, too.)

Coworker: “Why is she tilting her head like that?”

Me: “She thinks she can flirt her way into getting a discount.”

Coworker: *bursts out laughing and walks away*

(Their conversation ends, and my manager leaves without saying anything. I walk over to the window and the customer looks very dejected. I look at the order screen and see that no discount was given.)

Me: “Okay! That’ll be [price].”

No Need To Be Mooby About It

, , , , | Romantic | April 16, 2018

(I’m in a bar during my first week of university and have sat down by the dance floor to rest for a minute. A student I vaguely recognise from my halls comes and sits next to me. I am female.)

Guy: “Hey, how about I buy you a drink, and then we can get out of here?”

Me: “Ah, I’m really sorry. I’m a lesbian.”

(This is true.)

Guy: *thinks for a minute* “I have moobs?”

(I immediately twigged that he wasn’t serious, and he’s been one of my best friends for the last seven years. I was even his best woman when he got married.)

Takes A Lecture To Get A Number

, , , | Romantic | March 30, 2018

(I’m in a college tutorial class, where instead of a large seminar room, about 20 of us are sat in a smaller room with a few group tables. There is a table I’ve sat at because I think one of the guys is cute; however, I don’t say a word to him. The lecturer wants us to refer to our textbook for the tutorial, but I haven’t bought it yet. The guy I like has taken a picture of someone else’s book on his iPad.)

Guy: *glances over* “Do you want the picture?”

Me: “Uh… Yeah. Sure.”

Guy: “Okay, what’s your number? I can send it to you.”

Me: *being super clueless* “It’s okay; don’t worry!”

(I legitimately go to take a picture of his screen with my phone.)

Guy: “Er, I think sending it to your number is better.”

Me: “Huh?”

Guy: “Jesus. I want your number!”

(After the class, he messaged me and said I made his ploy to get my number quite awkward!)

We’ll Always Have The Thought Of Paris

, , , | Romantic | February 6, 2018

(I am about eight months pregnant. I’m carrying small, and from the back, if you can’t see my belly, I don’t look pregnant at all. Plus, my body is giving me a pregnancy advantage: cleavage. To top it all off, my hair and skin have never looked better. I’m sitting behind my desk, working Friday evening store hours, when another bookstore owner, who is also a customer of ours, comes in. I haven’t met him before, but my store owner tells me he’s recently divorced — and a big flirt, which is one of the things that led to his divorce.)

Customer: “I’m going to fly to Paris next weekend!”

Me: “That sounds terrific! Have a wonderful time.”

Customer: “Have you ever been to Paris?”

Me: “No, I haven’t.”

Customer: “You should come to Paris with me! I’ve been several times. I’ll show you all the sights! It’s a beautiful city; very romantic. We’ll have a fabulous time.” *sits on the front edge of my desk, leaning in suggestively*

Me: “Oh, I don’t think so. My doctor says it wouldn’t be a good idea for me to fly. I’m not even able to go to Israel later this month with my husband.”

(I push my chair back to get some space from him and stand up.)

Customer: *awkward pause, and then turns to my boss* “Are the bindings still up on the second floor?”

The Many Friendly Adventures Of The Lustful Lamia

, , , , , , | Romantic | January 19, 2018

(My sex drive is considerably higher than my boyfriend’s, which isn’t usually a problem, except occasionally when he’ll worry that he’s pressuring me into sex, which at least with me, is virtually never the case. We’re talking about this at one point.)

Me: “With me, you can basically assume that if you want sex, I’ll also be down for it, and on the one-in-a-thousand chance that I’m not, I’ll just let you know. I’m like a siren, except less likely to lure you in and drown you.”

Boyfriend: “Are sirens known for being lustful? I thought they were mostly about the drownings.”

Me: “Hmm. A succubus then? Or a lamia, except less likely to steal your body heat?”

Boyfriend: “Now that’s a total lie; you steal my body heat constantly! We go to sleep, and you’re like, ‘Mmmm, come here; you’re so warm,’ and then I feel your icy feet!'”

Me: “Okay, we’ve found it. I’m a lustful lamia, except more likely to annoy you with cold feet than to freeze you to death!”

(A year later, he still uses “lamia” as a pet name. It very much amuses me!)

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