Time To Transition Out Of This Conversation

, , , , , | Romantic | July 6, 2020

It’s been ten years since this incident and I’m still amused and confused by this situation.

My friends have invited me to drag night to see their friend sing and dance in a competition for amateur drag queens. I’m not a fan of loud music or clubs so I suggest that I drive so they can have a few drinks, and I bring a book along so I can be supportive but also have a break if it gets too overwhelming.

I’m sitting against the wall reading my book when a man in his late twenties comes and sits next to me.

Man: “Hi there.”

Me: “Hi, what’s up?”

Man: “I just noticed you over here and thought I’d come and say hi.”

Me: “Oh, well, hi.”

Man: “How are you enjoying the show?”

Me: “It’s interesting. The costumes are pretty cool.”

Man: “So, if you don’t mind me asking, how long has it been?”

Me: “I’ve never been to one of these shows before.”

Man: “No, sorry, I mean… Y’know, how long has it beeeeeeen?”

Me: “I don’t understand.”

Man: “Since you started transitioning? You look great.”

Me: “Um… I was born this way?”

The man very quickly stood up and walked into the crowd.

I asked my friends later what was going on and they explained that he was trying to hit on me. My innocent, twenty-one-year-old brain had no idea.

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Looking At Girls Through Beer Goggles

, , , | Romantic | February 2, 2020

(When I am seventeen, I decide to try to break out of my shell and go out to a fancy-dress street party organized for Carnival in the harbour of my town. I step into the crowd and dance. Soon after doing so, I see a couple of girls looking at me with interest, and after some more dancing I decide to make a move.)

Me: “Hi there!”

Girl: “Hi, would you buy me a drink?”

(While I have heard about offering a drink to somebody else, I have never heard of the opposite, but I immediately assume it means she wants in my pants.)

Me: “Sure, let’s get in line at the shack. What would you like to drink?”

Girl: “Oh, anything’s fine.”

(Since I’m not big on drinking, and since the elderberry liquor I like isn’t popular, I’m a bit worried, but I keep my cool externally. Halfway through the line…)

Me: “Are you really sure that you’re fine with anything?”

Girl: “Of course I am!”

(And so we restart. After quite a bit of time, there are only four people in front of us.)

Me: “Anything in particular you want? They have a bit of everything.”

Girl: “Nah, your choice is all right.”

(Figuring I can’t hold up the line like that, I give up and decide to order a beer for her, as she slips out of the line and waits for me. Thanks to lax IDing, I buy a glass, pay a handsome amount of money for it, and then get back to her.)

Me: “Here we go, enjoy.”

(The girl looks at the glass full of beer as if it was full of urine. She frowns and makes it swish inside the glass before dumping it all in the water below the wharf.)

Girl: “I wanted a mojito.”

Me: *flabbergasted* “W-what? You said that ‘anything’ was fine!”

Girl: *whining* “But I wanted a mojito! Not beer, a mojito!”

Me: “Why didn’t you tell me that?! I asked you three times!”

Girl: “Why would I want beer? I can get that anywhere!”

(Resisting the urge to shove her off into the water, I stormed away and went home. To this day, I cannot understand why she couldn’t tell me what she wanted right away, instead of trying a weird mind game.)

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Being Poker-Faced About Your Feelings

, , , , | Romantic | December 25, 2019

(I work as a barber. I’m a young woman and I like to talk to my customers as I cut their hair. I have been friends with one who is just a few years older than I am since I was 17; we share a lot of the same hobbies and have some fun conversations while I work. In the beginning, I would have never thought of it due to the age difference — six years, which seemed like a lot when I was 17 — but recently I’ve been finding him to be very attractive. One particular visit, we’re talking about our plans for the weekend. Normally, we talk about video games or the like, but…)

Me: “So, what are you planning to do this weekend?”

Customer: “Oh… I wish I could game but I’m going up to [Local Casino] for a bachelor party. What are you going to be up to?”

Me: “Oh, I have maybe eight assignments for class and a final paper to finish! I’m probably going to pull at least one all-nighter this weekend.”

Customer: “Oh, no! Mine might not be what I enjoy, but at least it’s fun! How long until you finish up school again?”

Me: “This is my last class! Hopefully the last all-nighter, but we’ll see?”

Customer: “Well, at least you’re investing in your future! I hate casinos. I watched my parents throw away so much money at them. But [Friend] wants everyone to join him in a poker tournament.”

Me: “Ha! Well, at least you can invest anything you win right?”

Customer: “Well, maybe. Tell you what. If I win anything, I’ll come to take you out to dinner to celebrate finishing school, how about that?”

Me: *trying not to get excited, sarcastically* “As a broke college student, I will never say no to free food!”

Customer: “Haha! Be careful with that! I don’t want to come back and hear you’ve been lured into an unmarked van with candy like a child!”

(Jokes about me being young are common between us, so I assume this banter is more of the same. I finish his haircut and go about my weekend. On Monday however, I’m called to the front because a customer asked for me by name and I find him at the counter looking sheepish.)

Me: “Hi, [Customer]! What’s going on? Not happy with the cut?”

Customer: “Um… no… I mean… well…” *hands me a photo*

Me: “Is this… you… winning…”

Customer: “Yeah… That’s me winning the tournament… Apparently, looking like you’d rather be somewhere else makes people think you don’t know how to play poker at all… And well… I’m a man of my word, so… Would you like to go out to dinner this week?”

Me: *not hiding my excitement anymore* “YES!”

Customer: *startled slightly* “Oh? Oh! Okay! Well… Here, have my number and text me when you get off work?”

(I’m very excited for this dinner this weekend! I plan on telling him everything!)

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The New Student Teacher Is A Hit!

, , , , | Learning | December 18, 2019

(I am 22, but owing to my high voice, short stature, and general babyface, some mistake me for 15 or 16. I am a student teacher at a middle school. For those who don’t know, that means that I am a student at a university earning a teaching degree, but this semester I basically intern at the school and teach a few classes, observing the teacher for the rest of them. The teacher I normally work under is on a field trip which I declined to go on, so I am shadowing another teacher for today. He doesn’t really feel the need to introduce me, though, so I am sat in the back of the classroom, and for the most part, the students ignore me. There isn’t much room to sit, so I have to sit at one of the students’ desks, which is possible thanks to my aforementioned short stature. After the last class before lunch, a — very adorable — seventh-grader and two of his friends are talking in the corner. The boy’s friends seemed to be encouraging him to do something in my general direction, and eventually, he walks up to me.)

Boy: *very shyly* “Um… I know you’re new here… and I think you’re kind of cute… doyouwanttositwithusatlunchtoday?”

(It is worth noting that I am also quite awkward and not the best at conflict resolution.)

Me: “Oh… I’m actually 22. I’m a student teacher for–”

(The boy’s face and ears grew very red indeed and he ran out of the room. One of his friends ran after him, and the other one just stood there, silently laughing like a mime’s impersonation of a hyena. I walked up to the girl and asked her to apologise to her friend from me; in between giggles, she managed to accept my plea, and I walked out of the classroom towards the teachers’ cafeteria with my face pinker than that girl’s pink highlights. And that’s the story of how I was hit on by a kid nearly half my age.)

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Cheating On The Survey

, , | Romantic | October 9, 2019

(I have been filling out a survey with this customer over the telephone, with a little small talk in between questions.)

Customer: “You sound very attractive. Where do you live?”

Me: *gives vague geographical region*

Customer: “Oh, that’s a little far for me to travel, too bad.”

Me: “Okay, last questions! Marital status?”

Customer: “Married!”

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