The Language Barrier Isn’t Empfindlich

, , , , | Romantic | April 30, 2021

I majored in German in college and spent my junior year living in Germany. I was extremely socially inept back then. I made friends with this guy and he came to the dorm to hang out with me. He was a really big guy who looked a lot like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

We were sitting around and he took my hand.

Friend: “Your skin is very… empfindlich.”

Me: “What does ‘empfindlich’ mean?”

Friend: “It means… easily broken.”

I freaked out and never hung out with him again. Looking back at it, I realize that he had a crush on me and he was actually trying to be romantic. He meant my skin was “delicate.”

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The Ol’ Bait And Switch

, , , , | Working | April 12, 2021

It’s a Saturday afternoon and the late shift has started. I am working and a young female coworker calls a young male coworker.

Female Coworker: *A little seductively* “Hello, I was just wondering… Do you have any specific plans tonight?”

[Male Coworker] confirms that he does not have any plans; he’s just chilling.

Female Coworker: *Sternly* “Great, so you’d better come and work your hours today, as scheduled!”

Luckily, he lived nearby and was at work five minutes later.

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Work Cuter, Not Harder

, , , , | Working | March 5, 2021

I used to have a coworker that was very pretty, slim, and tall. As we worked in a factory mainly employing men, she received a lot of attention.

While some would have struggled with the attention, she loved it. She would have pretty much strangers buying her food, opening doors, getting her coffee, taking her rubbish away, etc. To be fair to her, she never encouraged it or led the guys on, but she never discouraged it, either.

More than anything, it appeared a bit pathetic to me; men would fall over each other to try to impress her, but she clearly wasn’t interested in them.

A few months in, she admitted to me that she hated her job, but as she didn’t have to do any work, she could spend the day on Facebook.

This surprised me. Everyone in the office was stressed. We had massive deadlines and a huge amount of pressure. Many people had left the company because of stress. Some roles only had a nine-month expectancy. So, how was this possible?

I started to pay attention. She would get a task and then straight away approach one of the male workers and ask them for help. She actually gave a job to one guy and then went for a coffee with a friend.

I saw her get away with this for months until a new boss, a woman, started. Suddenly, she wasn’t able to get rid of these jobs and was expected to do them herself. Only then did she admit — in a flood of tears — that she didn’t know how; she had spent a year fluttering her eyelashes and never learnt to do her own job!

She spent six months on probation before it was understood that she didn’t have even a clue and she was fired.

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“Hello” Means So Much More Than It Used To

, , , , | Right | January 28, 2021

I’m female. There’s a male regular about my age who usually comes in once a week. He usually comes to me, and we chat and joke around. I’m off work and running errands one day when I see him. We make eye contact and he waves.

Me: “Hey, [Regular]!”

Regular: “What’s up, [My Name]? How are you?”

Me: “Oh, I’m good! You?”

Regular: “I’m doing great! So, what are you up to this weekend?”

We chat for a couple of minutes and then go our separate ways. A couple of days later, at work, my boss approaches and asks to speak to me.

Boss: “So, uh… this is a weird one. I received a complaint about you.”

Me: “What did I do?”

Boss: “Apparently, you were hitting on [Regular].”

Me: “Huh?”

Boss: “I received a complaint that you were being very forward with [Regular] a few days ago.”

Me: “What are you even talking about?”

Boss: “Did you see him a few days ago?”

Me:Hold on! I wasn’t at work a few days ago. I was at [Place] and ran into him. We talked for like two minutes, no flirting involved. Did this come from him?”

Boss: “No.”

Me: “Then where did this come from?”

Boss: *Pauses* “I was called by a female relative.”

Me: “His mom?”

Boss: “Um…”

Me: “I’d better not be in trouble for this.”

Boss: “Oh, not at all. I just thought you needed to know. She was pretty angry.”

Me: “That I walked up to her grown son on my own personal time and said hello?”

Boss: “Apparently.”

Heaven help any girl that he actually likes enough to date!

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Actions Have Consequences. Who Knew?

, , , , , | Legal | CREDIT: kmc2301 | November 23, 2020

I’ve been working bar security at the same bar for about three years. If you ever want to know what it’s like to be a bouncer, think daycare but at night, and instead of small children, it’s adults who revert to children when intoxicated… some of them even when not intoxicated.

This night is much like any other night. There’s a popular local band playing so we’ve got a decent crowd going. The team is keeping their eyes open for anyone passed out, being belligerent, drugs, the works. I’m standing by the door to the bar area of the building. One half of this place is a pool hall and the other a bar and entertainment area, and they’re separated by a wall with a door on either end. I stand by this door a lot because I can easily keep track of both rooms at the same time without needing to really walk all around the place.

There’s a gentleman sitting near the door where I am, and there’s a couple sitting at the bar across the way. The female is well-known for acting out when she’s drunk. From what we can see on the cameras inside, she walks on over to the gentlemen by the door and starts trying to flirt with him. This guy has come into the bar for years and never has he raised a hand to anyone for any reason. He’s a professionally-trained boxer, doesn’t really drink, and doesn’t generally close out the bars. He rejects her advances, and she becomes noticeable upset.

The woman runs over to her husband.

Woman: “That guy disrespected me! And he called me names!”

The gentleman ushers her man over.

Gentleman: *Kindly* “I’m sorry, but could you please make this woman leave me alone?”

Before the conversation really starts, though, the husband grabs this guy by the collar and starts driving him towards the wall.

Chaos ensues, as the couple didn’t realize that the gentleman came in with his twenty friends. The gentleman throws a couple of jabs at the husband. Then, the woman decides she wants to join in this brawl, so the gentleman takes a jab at her, too.

WELP.

The dude punches her so hard that he literally folds her bottom row of teeth back into her mouth.

This all happens in the span of about ten seconds before the security team jumps in and gets everyone separated. The husband and wife are taken outside, but we don’t call the cops right away, because that’s generally a last resort.

So now, we’re outside, this lady is bleeding from her mouth, and her husband is visibly angry. The lady keeps asking me to call the cops, but I keep telling her that’s a bad idea, considering her husband put his hands on the guy first, but she’s not having it. So, I call the police.

I can’t describe how difficult it is not to laugh in this lady’s face as she witnesses the cops put her husband in handcuffs and not the guy who punched her. She says something that I’ll never forget, and I wish I had it on recording.

Woman: “THIS IS WHY WE DON’T CALL THE F****** COPS!”

I very nonchalantly remind her that it was her idea to call the police in the first place.

I didn’t see them again until about a year later. The woman had to get her whole bottom row of front teeth pretty much fixed, and she still hasn’t changed in the slightest.

What a night.

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