Amazing What Happens When You Behave

My father-in-law was an imposing man — a solid six foot four — and a very successful Aussie plumber, and he had a really dry sense of humour. He also hated “privileged w*nkers” as he called them, as he used to have to deal with lots in his work.

He retired some years back when another plumbing firm paid lots for his business which had some very lucrative government contracts. To celebrate, the in-laws booked themselves a big tour to the US, Alaska, and Canada, which included a glacier cruise.

They arrived at the cruise check-in to be told that their cruise ship had hit an iceberg so it was in for repairs. The choice was to take a refund or try to fit on a competitor ship.

An English couple ahead of the in-laws were yelling and complaining about those options not being good enough and how they had better get a good room. As they finally left, everyone heard my father-in-law muttering, “Whinging w*nkers,” which horrified my mother-in-law.

When they stepped forward to the desk, the poor woman was looking concerned at this big bloke. She was about to start her explanation when my father-in-law stopped her.

Father-In-Law: “I heard you before. So some idiot’s getting his a**e kicked ‘cause our boat’s stuffed. We’ve travelled from the other side of the world and are not coming back, so we don’t want a refund. If you can get us on the other boat, that would be great. Thanks, love. We don’t care if it’s in the bowels with no window, as long as we can get somewhere to see the sights.”

She looked very relieved, told them she would see what she could do, and sent them off to a lounge to wait for a bus.

The bus came and took them to the other ship. They were taken around some corridors, and they opened the door into a stateroom on top of the decks on the corner. There were floor-to-ceiling windows facing the front and one side. They had a fantastic cruise, of course.

The fun bit for them both was finding that the “w*nkers” were down the bottom of the ship.