Not That Many American Forks In The Road

| Friendly | February 16, 2016

(My friend and I are on a two-week vacation to Spain, Morocco, and Portugal. On the second night, we share a table with a Russian couple.)

Friend: “So, what do you do for work?”

Woman: “Oh, we work in health products. Our company is based in Provo, Utah. Do you know where that is?”

Me: “It’s where we both went to college.”

Man: “But it just moved from Provo to American Fork.”

Friend: “Which is where we live. That’s crazy!”

(Five nights later, we’re at a Japanese restaurant with another Russian couple.)

Me: “What line of work are you in?”

Woman: “I sell health products for a company based in Provo, Utah.”

Me: “Which is where we went to college…”

Friend: “Is there something in the water here?”

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The Cruising Dead

| Romantic | January 8, 2016

(My boyfriend and I are waiting for our cruise ship to disembark. We are discussing the muster drill we did earlier, where everyone on the ship must line up and be shown where to go in the event of an emergency, and how to wear a life vest.)

Me: “The muster drill was fun, though if we had a zombie on board that would have been the perfect time for them to attack.”

Boyfriend: “How is a zombie going to get on board?”

Me: “I don’t know but it would make a great movie.”

Boyfriend: “Don’t tempt the fates.”

(Right then the ships horn goes off and everyone outside jumps including me.)

Boyfriend: “The zombies know where we are now…”

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I’ll Make A Mockery Out Of You

| Related | November 3, 2015

(My mother and some friends just returned from karaoke, and she’s telling me about it.)

Mother: “…and they sang that one song from Mulan Rouge. “Making You a Man” or whatever it’s called?”

Me: “…”

Mother: “No, wait, just Mulan!”

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Put Your Faith In The Patch

| Right | April 3, 2015

(I work on a cruise line’s guest services desk. Frequently, passengers wear little patches that prevent sea sickness. One man comes to my desk.)

Me: “Good afternoon. How can I help you?”

Man: “I was wondering what religion the people with the patches are.”

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Cuisine On Cruise Control

| Friendly | November 2, 2014

(I’m on a Caribbean cruise with a group of friends. Today we’re stopping in Cozumel, México. We’ve pre-booked an activity for the day, but we can’t remember whether or not food is included. It should be noted that Friend #2 is known for being a picky eater, and is also known for his lack of worldly knowledge. The following discussion ensues:)

Friend #1: “Is lunch included with this excursion, or are we going to just go find a taco stand or something?”

Friend #2: *angrily* “I’m not going to eat México’s tacos!”

(We all burst into laughter, although Friend #2 doesn’t seem to be quite sure why.)

Me: “Well, then, whose tacos are you going to eat?”

Friend #2: “Um… I like Taco Bell!”

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