Too Hot-Blooded To Donate

, , , , | Right | March 2, 2020

(I am between jobs and donating plasma for some extra cash. The majority of people there are not exactly financially very well off. Before you can donate you have to go through a series of tests and questionnaires to ensure you are healthy enough to donate. I’m sitting in the waiting room when an older man storms out from one of the exam rooms.)

Man: “I don’t understand why you are forcing me to go through all of this nonsense! Just hook me up and get on with it!”

Nurse: “Sir, please calm down. Everyone has to go through these—”

Man: “This is no way to run a business! I’ll have you know that I own and run several very successful businesses and would never treat someone who came in like this! Now, are we going to skip this nonsense or are you losing a customer?!”

Nurse: “I’m sorry, sir, but…”

Man: “That’s it! I’m out of here! This is no way to run a business, and I would know!”

(The man begins to storm out past me.)

Me: “Those businesses of yours must not be all that successful if you’re in here selling your blood with the rest of us.”

(The man stared at me, red-faced, for a moment before shoving the door open and storming into the parking lot.)

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This Is Why We Can’t Have Kid-Sized Nice Things

, , , | Right | March 1, 2020

At the beginning of the year, my store sold key tags that were good for one free kid-size ice cream (about six ounces) every time you come in. My customer is an older woman and my manager is twenty years old.

Customer:
*Flashes a key tag* “I’d like to get my free [ice cream]. But could you put it in a bigger cup? Because when it’s in the smaller cup, it melts by the time I get home.”

Manager:
“Of course.”

My manager takes a large cup, about 20 ounces, and fills it part-way.

Customer:
*Condescendingly* “No, honey, fill it all the way.”

My manager holds up the kid-size cup.

Manager:
“Um, ma’am, you only paid for this size so I can only give you this much.”

Customer:
*Still condescending* “No, honey, you don’t understand. By the time I get home, the outside part will have melted. I can scrape that out, and then I’ll be left with the right amount.”

Manager:
“No, that’s not how it works. You at least have to buy another kid [ice cream].”

Customer:
“No, honey…”

They go back and forth for a minute before my manager has had enough. She fills up a kid-size cup and hands it to the customer.

Customer:
*Sighs* “Never mind.”

The customer took it and walked off, as another manager and I watched from around the corner and laughed.

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Door-To-Door Book Salesmen Still Exist?!

, , , , , | Working | February 28, 2020

A young man is at my home, selling educational books door to door. He started his spiel even after I told him I wasn’t interested.

Me:
“My children are all adults, I have no grandchildren, and I know of no neighbors with school-age children. If we need information, we’ll use our computers or smartphones. By the way, your set includes a dictionary, right?”

Salesman:
“Yes, do you need one?”

I point to my sign above the doorbell.

Me:
“No, I want you to use it to look up what this means. Goodbye.”

And I shut the door.

A couple of days later, my next-door neighbor and I are talking.

Neighbor:
“Did that fellow who was selling books stop at your house the other day?”

Me:
“Yes, he appeared to be going to all the houses on the street.”

Neighbor:
“I thought he did. He told me all my neighbors he’d met so far were really nice, except that lady next door who was rude. And I said, ‘Oh, like this?’ and shut the door in his face.”

I guess he hadn’t looked up what “No Soliciting” meant, or he didn’t care.

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No Compliments For Your New Policy

, , , , , | Working | February 27, 2020

I’m at a medical office, and I approach their front desk.

Me:
“How do I compliment an employee?”

Desk Representative:
“There should be a compliment card around somewhere.”

I wait expectantly, but the desk representative seems to be ignoring me.

Me:
“Could I have a compliment card, please?”

Desk Representative:
“Ask over there.”

I do, fill out the card, and return to the desk.

Me:
“Could you take care of this for me?”

Desk Representative:
“We’re not allowed to do that.”

Me:
“Huh?”

Desk Representative:
“Policy has changed. We can’t take the cards anymore. Here’s the new policy.”

They handed me two printed pages, back and front, on how to file a complaint. That is how I ended up filing a formal complaint against the facility because they make it too hard to compliment good service!

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Buffalo Bill’s House Has A Shoes-Off Policy!

, , , | Related | February 26, 2020

We have baskets next to our front door to put our shoes in after we take them off. My husband is notorious for leaving them sitting next to his basket rather than putting them in. Usually, I will put them away for him, but today I make a teasing comment. We have just walked in the front door and, sure enough, he leaves them on the floor. 

Me:
“[Husband], your shoes! It puts them in the basket or else it gets the hose again.”

He did not get the reference.

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