You Can’t Mask It With Charm

, , , , | Right | September 4, 2020

With the new mandated mask order, most people have been understanding that they still need to wear a mask while in the gym and working out. We have a number of signs posted, as well.

I am at the front desk greeting members when a member walks in without a mask. 

Me: “Hi, welcome in! Before you come in, do you happen to have your mask with you?”

Member: “Oh, do I need one?”

Me: “Yes, you do.”

Member: *Smiling* “I don’t have one.”

Me: “With the new order, it is mandatory, so you will need one if you are going to be staying.”

I’m about to tell him I have some for sale but he cuts me off.

Member: *Still smiling* “But I don’t have one.”

Me: “Well, I can sell you a disposable one for $1, a face shield for $5, or a reusable mask for $10.”

Member: *Frowns* “I have one in my car.”

He wasn’t rude, but I definitely got the feeling that he knew the mask was mandatory and was trying to charm his way out of wearing one. Once he realized I was not going to let it slide, all of sudden, he now had one.

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Geekdom Knows No Age Limit

, , , , | Working | September 4, 2020

I’ve worked for my boss for thirteen years, so I’m basically her personal assistant by now. This includes running errands when she can’t, such as buying groceries or refreshments for small parties.

It is one of those parties a few years ago that brings me to one of the local liquor stores. When I get to the checkout counter, I realize that while I have cash in my pocket, I’ve accidentally left my wallet in my car.

Me: “I’m so sorry, I left my license in my car. Is it okay if I leave this stuff here while I go get it?”

The cashier smiles and gestures to my shirt.

Cashier: “It’s cool. If you’re wearing that, I know you’re old enough to buy this.”

The shirt in question was my Mighty Morphin’ Blue Ranger shirt, and I was in my early thirties at the time, so he was right. I paid after confirming he wouldn’t get in trouble for selling me wine and beer without an ID.

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A Catalog Of Errors, Part 8

, , , , , | Right | September 3, 2020

I am working at a large national chain that has been in the process of closing most of its stores for some time. A woman comes in with a large printed catalog, the kind which hasn’t been printed for many years. She proceeds to give me this long, drawn-out story about coming to an aunt’s funeral and helping to go through her belongings and running across this old catalog.

Customer: “…and when I saw this in the catalog, I knew it was just what I wanted, and the price is so reasonable!”

Me: “Ma’am, that catalog is from the early 1960s, and almost nothing in that catalog would even be available at all anymore, and if it is, it certainly would not be at those prices.”

Customer: *Suddenly irate* “Yes, you do have this. It’s in the housewares section; it’s a very common item — a kind of toaster. I want it and I want it at this price.”

She shoves the catalog in my face.

Me: “Well, I can take you over to housewares and you can see if it is available, but again, it certainly wouldn’t be at that price even if we have it. That catalog is almost fifty years old and prices have gone up considerably since it was printed.”

Customer: “Then that’s false advertising. You will sell it to me at that price. I want to see your manager!”

The manager for that department comes over; he is a quite elderly gentleman himself. I explain the situation to him, with constant interruptions from the woman.

Manager: “Ma’am, as I recall, having worked at this particular store since the early sixties, this item had many safety issues, there was a national recall because it would overheat, and there were several fires started because of it. It ceased production in about 1965 or so; I can’t remember exactly when. So, no, that item is no longer available, nor will it ever be available. We do have several new models with similar features, but also with newer prices.”

Customer: “That’s false advertising! It’s in the catalog! You must give it to me, and give it to me at this price!”

Manager: “Ma’am, I will let you look for it on the shelves, and if you can find it, i will let you have it at that advertised price.”

Customer: “Oh, like that’s going to happen, I know your kind; you keep all the good stuff in the back for yourself. No wonder this store is going down the hole! I’ll be glad when all of you are out of a job and this store folds up just like [Former Competitor] did!”

With that, she quickly glances at the toaster products on the shelf, muttering about the lack of quality of each and the high prices. She storms out of the store.

Manager: “I wonder where she has been for the past fifty years?”

A Catalog Of Errors, Part 7
A Catalog Of Errors, Part 6
A Catalog Of Errors, Part 5
A Catalog Of Errors, Part 4
A Catalog Of Errors, Part 3

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Ignoring, Inattentive, And Over The Limit

, , , , , | Working | September 1, 2020

One year, I am on vacation at a large gaming convention in Indianapolis. The convention goes well, but when it comes time to fly home, I arrive at the airport and am informed that the flight is delayed due to engine trouble. Due to how busy the airport is, there aren’t going to be any alternative flights available until at least the next evening. So I and the other passengers on that flight wait. And wait. And wait some more.

Finally, more than two hours after my connecting flight in Denver has already left, my flight to Denver makes it to Indianapolis. Naturally, this means that we don’t get to Denver until late at night, and the airline puts us up in complimentary hotel rooms. They also give us little travel bags with toothbrushes, toothpaste, and other basic personal hygiene items.

Since I try to avoid checking through luggage, I still have all my stuff and proceed to toss the travel bag into my suitcase and forget about it.

The next morning, I am shuttled back to Denver International Airport. Things go smoothly until it is my turn to go through TSA screening. The screener scans my bags and then pulls my suitcase off the line.

Screener: “You were on that flight that was delayed from Indianapolis last night, weren’t you?”

Me: “Yes, how could you tell?”

He opens my suitcase, pulls out the travel bag, and removes the toothpaste.

Screener: “It’s just over the maximum size limit. I’ve been pulling these out all morning.”

He then waved me through, minus the toothpaste.

When I finally made it to my destination, I made sure to let the airline’s representative know about the issue with the toothpaste. I also was given a travel voucher over the flight delay; I know now that they should have given a cash refund. It turned out to have so many restrictions on what and how it could be used that it would have actually cost me more money trying to get the “discount” than just booking my seats regularly did. I made a habit of avoiding booking flights on that airline after that.

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What A Crap Idea

, , , , , | Right | August 31, 2020

It’s at the peak of toilet-paper-based panic-buying. I am working at the counter of a chocolate shop and making small talk with a couple of customers as I check them out.

Customer #1: “It’s all so crazy, isn’t it?”

Me: “Oh, I know. I’ve even been worried that when people use the bathroom they’ll steal all of our toilet rolls!”

Customer #1: “That would be terrible!”

Customer #2: “Ooh! You all should make toilet-roll-shaped chocolates!”

Customer #1: “That’s a great idea!”

Customer #2: “Made of white chocolate!”

Customer #1: “Even better, white chocolate with splatters of milk chocolate on the outside!”

Me: *Awkward pause* “Yeah. Well, here you are. Thanks for coming in!”

Customer #2: *Walking out the door* “Seriously, do it! You’ll do great business!”

I actually lost that job soon after because of the outbreak but I don’t think poo-themed chocolates would have saved it.

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