What A Crap Idea

, , , , , | Right | August 31, 2020

It’s at the peak of toilet-paper-based panic-buying. I am working at the counter of a chocolate shop and making small talk with a couple of customers as I check them out.

Customer #1: “It’s all so crazy, isn’t it?”

Me: “Oh, I know. I’ve even been worried that when people use the bathroom they’ll steal all of our toilet rolls!”

Customer #1: “That would be terrible!”

Customer #2: “Ooh! You all should make toilet-roll-shaped chocolates!”

Customer #1: “That’s a great idea!”

Customer #2: “Made of white chocolate!”

Customer #1: “Even better, white chocolate with splatters of milk chocolate on the outside!”

Me: *Awkward pause* “Yeah. Well, here you are. Thanks for coming in!”

Customer #2: *Walking out the door* “Seriously, do it! You’ll do great business!”

I actually lost that job soon after because of the outbreak but I don’t think poo-themed chocolates would have saved it.

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Unfiltered Story #206254

, , , | Unfiltered | August 28, 2020

(The snow is melting at the end of winter, and a famity friend calls me over to her house to chip ice off of her driveway. The entire thing is COVERED in ice, like a solid sheet. It takes the entire day to chip off the majority of ice, and half of the next to finish. After everything is said and done, my hands are covered in blisters from working with the ice-chipper. I simply tape up my fingers and go to the store later for an errand. Note: I am 14.)

Me: *Looking at canned food*

Customer: *Scoffs and walks off*

(Later, same lady walks past me)

Me: *Looking at milk*

Customer: “Little bitch.” *Moves on*

(And finally:)

Me: *Checking out*

Customer: *To cashier* “Don’t sell anything to this bitch.”

Cashiers and Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You heard me! Don’t sell sh*t to her!”

Me: “What? Why?!”

Customer: “Stupid children like you try to kill themselves and don’t finish the job, then just waltz around showing off their wounds! F***ing idiots, all of you!”

Me: *Shocked* “WHAT?! Ma’am, I never tried to kill myself! What on earth are you talking about?!”

Customer: “Your fingers! Tried to slice up your fingers and walk around with some sh*tty bandages so you get attention!”

(I pull the tape off one of my fingers and show her the blister underneath.)

Me: “Ma’am, these are BLISTERS! I was chipping ice for a friend and never had gloves to protect my hands! I am NOT trying to commit suicide or be attention-seeking! I put tape over my fingers to keep them from being too painful or rub against anything else as they heal! And what is WRONG with your life to say something like that to a teenager while grocery shopping?!”

(The customer turns bright red before rushing off, leaving her groceries on the ground. After paying, the manager comes out and hands me a candy bar.)

Manager: “I watched the whole thing before I could come in to help. That was awesome. You available for hire?”

But Can She Do A Superhero Landing?

, , , , | Friendly | August 25, 2020

I am greeting members at a gym. A member walks in wearing a shirt with Deadpool riding a unicorn on it. I am female.

Me: “Hey, I like your shirt!”

The member looks at me, surprised and caught off guard.

Member: “Thanks?”

As he and his friend walk away, he turns to them and says:

Member: “Girls like Deadpool, too?!”

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Unfiltered Story #206206

, , | Unfiltered | August 25, 2020

Me: Hi, welcome to (restaurant), what can I get for you?

Customer: This might sound like an odd order, but is there any way I can get a burrito bowl with lettuce on the bottom instead of rice and beans?

Me: Absolutely! We actually have an item like that, it’s called a taco salad. Would you like that in a taco shell?

Customer: No, I don’t want any tacos on it, just the lettuce.

Me: It’s ok, it doesn’t come with tacos on it, that’s just what we call it. Now what kind of meat on your taco salad?

Customer: I told you I don’t want tacos! I just want a burrito bowl with lettuce on the bottom!

Me: (decides it’s not worth it to fight over the salad) Ok…what kind of meat on your burrito bowl with lettuce on the bottom?

A few moments later, I hear the same customer talking to the cashier.

Cashier: Was it just the taco salad for you today?

Customer: NO! I already told you all I don’t want tacos on it!

Cashier: There’s no tacos on it, ma’am. It’s just the salad.

Customer: That’s not what I ordered!

Cashier: That’s fine. But for inventory purposes, I need to ring this up as a taco salad-

Customer: (points at me) Well you should talk to her, she’s the one who said I could do this special order! It’s her fault!

I hurry down to try and dissolve the situation.

Me: (whispering to cashier) Just play along and ring it up as a salad.

Cashier tells customer the total, customer pays and looks at her receipt.

Customer: What the hell is wrong with you all! I’m getting charged for something I didnt order! Where’s your manager?

Manager comes over, listens to the customer’s complaint, and tries desperately for 15 minutes to explain to the customer that a taco salad does not have tacos on top of it. Customer finally leaves, screaming that she’s going to call corporate and shut the place down for not listening to her. Hopefully one of them was finally able to explain what a taco salad is.

Unfiltered Story #206200

, , | Unfiltered | August 25, 2020

(I work as a cashier at a red bullseye store. Unfortunately, once you pay and the transaction goes through, most cashiers can’t handle returns or receipt mistakes. We also have a mobile coupon app that rhymes with Mart Steal. This happens at self check, after I walk up to an angry looking woman who has already paid)

Lady: “Excuse me, this machine didn’t take my app coupons off my purchase!”

Me: “Unfortunately, I can’t do anything about that here, but customer service can help you.”

Lady: “This is ridiculous!”

(at this time, I notice she needs to sign her receipt and have me confirm her signature is the same as the one on her card)

Me: “I noticed you need a pen though, let me go grab you one!”

(despite checking three lanes, all I can find is a pencil which won’t work but I offer anyway as she’s already angry)

Lady: “Well this won’t work!”

Me: “I thought so! I can take you right over to the pens that are attached to the regular check lanes though, they’re–”

Lady: *cuts me off* “THIS IS RIDICULOUS”

(she stormed off to customer service. I later learn she complained that I “obviously wasn’t well trained on self check” though my manager defended me. She eventually got her money and left. Sorry I can’t pull that $1 savings out of thin air?)