(I’m a server at a café. Typically, our customers are older couples who order their food and leave with little to no fanfare. However, one gentleman in particular sticks out. I notice his table has a finished tray and dirty dishes and I go to collect them. As I approach, he notices me and says:)

Customer: “Excuse me, the food was very good but I have one complaint. I found this–” *pulls out a dirty yellow handkerchief* “–under my egg sandwich. It’s disgusting. I’m a member of Health and Safety and this just doesn’t work. In fact, what’s your name?” 

(I’m shocked, a little scared, and nervous. I start to apologize before giving him my name. I’m expecting an angry outburst, but instead, he says:)

Customer: “Well, [My Name], you seem nice, so I’m going to make this situation just–“ *moves his hands and tucks the handkerchief in one of them, then opens it to reveal an egg* “–make it all disappear.”

(I realize he’s doing magic and I let out a little laugh of relief. At the same time, his wife approaches the table and sits down next to him. He grins at her, holds up the egg, and says to me:)

Customer: “I did order an egg sandwich, though. But as for the kerchief, I was only yolking.”

(I laugh again, totally on board with his joke now.)

Me: “That’s very punny, sir.”

(I move on with his trays, but not before I see him grin at his wife and say:)

Customer: “She thought it was funny!”

(His wife just kind of shook her head disappointedly at him. I don’t think this is the first time he’s done this, but it made my day!)

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(I am working drive-thru in a popular Canadian coffee shop. A lady pulls up to the speaker and orders a box of twenty timbits. She asks to have the box divided into three bags. I tell her we can do this, but then she goes on and on and about how each bag needs to be exactly the same. Normally, I would tell my coworker to just put seven into each bag, but she is being insufferable, so I ring in a box of twenty timbits plus one timbit extra.)

Customer: “What is this? What are you charging me the extra timbit for?! I asked for twenty timbits to be divided equally between three bags!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, as you already know, twenty can’t be divided equally by three, so we had to charge you for one extra one.”

(I thought she was going to implode. I had never seen someone turn that shade of red before.)

(I am sitting at a cafe with some friends when a guy we don’t know approaches us. He’s holding a box with a slot on it.)

Guy: “Hello. Excuse me for bothering you, but I’m raising a fund for two friends of mine. They had a motorcycle accident and both of them are near death. My other friends and I are trying to get enough money to pay for the surgery they need. Can you spare any?”

(We all smell a scam easily and say, “No, thank you.” After trying to change our minds for a couple of minutes, he moves on to other tables. Over the next several years, I occasionally still see him in cafes in different parts of the city, but he never speaks to me again until one day, four years after the first time, at a very different place.)

Guy: “Hello. Excuse me for bothering you, but my friends had a motorcycle accident and are fighting for their lives in the hospital. Can you spare us some money for the surgery they need?”

Me: “Wow! They’re still fighting for their lives, four years later?”

Guy: *suddenly looks lost for words, begins to stammer* “Uh, I mean, it was a really bad accident. The doctors have been trying hard to keep them alive.”

(He stared at us for a few seconds and we stared back, and then he left without saying anything more. I kept seeing him here and there for a while, but that was our last interaction. I was kind of impressed that he still tried to explain his story.)

(This couple comes in and orders one drink: an iced Americano. It’s later in the night when it’s slower, so I decide to have some fun with it when I call it out, based on the name they gave.)

Me: “I have a medium iced Americano for—“ *a la Dave from “Alvin and the Chipmunks”* “ALLLLLLLVVVVVVVVIN!”

(They laughed so hard and said it was the best moment of their day. It was a really great day — and shift — for me, too.)

(I work as a barista in a coffee shop. Every Tuesday and Thursday, we have a teenager come in and order the same drink: a half-and-half coffee. This customer has Down Syndrome. She is the sweetest person ever and all of the staff are extremely polite and enjoy her presence. It is Tuesday evening, around five pm. A woman yapping loudly on a cell phone strolls into the restaurant and proceeds to order. It all goes smoothly until she goes to collect her coffee and takes notice of the girl.)

Woman: “Oh, my God, a f****** [slur]! How do you let people like this in your shop?”

(I go speechless, having never met such an inconsiderate a**hole in my life, and simply stand there, stunned.)

Woman: “I mean, I can’t believe those crazy f*****s aren’t locked up in an asylum like they should be!”

(She is quite loud, and by now the whole cafe is dead silent and glaring at her with looks of pure disgust. The girl is visibly upset and tears are pouring down her cheeks. This woman continues her ranting when a middle-aged male customer approaches her.)

Male Customer: “Excuse me, ma’am. Your name doesn’t happen to be [Woman] does it?”

Woman: *looking annoyed* “Why, yes, it is. And exactly who the f*** are you?”

(The man smiles at her, but there is a fire behind his eyes.)

Male Customer: “My name is [Male Customer], and I’m the CEO of [Small Local Company]. If I recall, you just applied for a position at our office last week. In fact, I was just going over to the office to review your application, but now I see I won’t have to do that. Watching you be completely rude and undeniably terrible to that girl made my blood boil. I can say, with one-hundred-percent certainty, that you will never work for my company, ever. You’d be a major embarrassment to our image, and I can’t have that on my plate. Now, I recommend you apologize to that poor little girl and then get the f*** out of this coffee shop, because I don’t ever want to see your piece-of-s*** face again.”

(The woman’s jaw is on the floor. She mutters a quick apology and runs out of the store, not even bothering to pick up her coffee. The manager has come out of his office.)

Manager: “That was the greatest thing I’ve ever seen. Take an employee discount!”

(The teenage girl was given a free coffee and our store T-shirt!)