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These Are People Who Know How To Bargain!

, , , , | Right | November 30, 2020

I work at a tourist shop in Greece. Amongst other things, we sell helmets — like ancient Greek ones; tourists eat these up — that are 10€. This guy comes, obviously stoned, and asks in a slurry voice:

Customer: “How much for the helmet?”

Me: “Ten euros, sir.”

Customer: “Do you have another one?”

Me: “No, sir, this is the last one.”

His friend, who is even more stoned, comes in then.

Friend: “Do you have three?”

Me: “No, sir. As I told your friend, this is my last one.”

Then he starts to… bargain.

Friend: “Well, how about three for 20€?”

Me: “Sir, I only have one and it’s ten euros; I can’t go lower.”

Friend: “Two for 20€.”

Me: “Sir, I only have one.”

Friend: “Fine, then, one for 10€.”

Me: “Sure, it’s yours!”

Too Dumb To Pee  

, , , , , | Right | August 19, 2019

(Our bathrooms are out of order, due to something deep in the pipes. Toilets, sinks, water fountain, all out. All are located in a short hallway near the front door, which we block with a bench. We then post “OUT OF ORDER” signs all over the bench, the walls, etc. And yet, as I work the register just outside the hall, I get someone walking up, looking at the signs, asking me, every ten minutes or so, “Are the bathrooms out of order?” Finally, I can’t take it anymore…)

Customer: *walks up, looks at signs, turns to me* “Hey, are the bathrooms out of order?”

Me: “No. It was a test. I’m sorry, but you failed.”

Customer: *looks at me, looks at signs again* “Oh. Okay.”

(And then, he literally hung his head and wandered away.)

Super Committed To The Part

, , , , , | Legal | June 16, 2019

(I am sitting at a cafe with some friends when a guy we don’t know approaches us. He’s holding a box with a slot on it.)

Guy: “Hello. Excuse me for bothering you, but I’m raising a fund for two friends of mine. They had a motorcycle accident and both of them are near death. My other friends and I are trying to get enough money to pay for the surgery they need. Can you spare any?”

(We all smell a scam easily and say, “No, thank you.” After trying to change our minds for a couple of minutes, he moves on to other tables. Over the next several years, I occasionally still see him in cafes in different parts of the city, but he never speaks to me again until one day, four years after the first time, at a very different place.)

Guy: “Hello. Excuse me for bothering you, but my friends had a motorcycle accident and are fighting for their lives in the hospital. Can you spare us some money for the surgery they need?”

Me: “Wow! They’re still fighting for their lives, four years later?”

Guy: *suddenly looks lost for words, begins to stammer* “Uh, I mean, it was a really bad accident. The doctors have been trying hard to keep them alive.”

(He stared at us for a few seconds and we stared back, and then he left without saying anything more. I kept seeing him here and there for a while, but that was our last interaction. I was kind of impressed that he still tried to explain his story.)

Eel Lady Attacks!

, , , , , | Right | April 19, 2019

(I’m a sushi chef in a small kiosk in a grocery store. We rent the kiosk from the store but are owned by a parent company. One of the rolls we have is slices of eel on balls of rice, topped with sesame seeds and a sauce.)

Customer: “EXCUSE ME!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

Customer: “What are these… things on the eel?!”

Me: “Those are sesame seeds, ma’am.”

Customer: “I don’t want them! Make me a new one this instant!”

(She then opens the package containing the sushi and throws it at me, hitting my chest and smearing sauce down my front. I stare at her and slowly turn, making her a new set with no seeds. I hand it to her and she walks away, no thank you or apology. Twenty minutes later, she storms back up, and again, she throws the eel at me, this time hitting my face, as well.)

Customer: “THERE ARE NO SESAME SEEDS!”

Me: *trying to keep my cool, because I need the job* “Ma’am, you requested that I make you a roll with no seeds.”

Customer: “Don’t you lie to me, you little b****! I want my g**d*** roll made right!”

(I very quietly made her a new roll, this time pouring the seeds into a sauce cup with a lid. I handed it to her, and she left again. Ten minutes later, the lady came back with a grocery store manager, demanding that I be fired for my rudeness. He listened to my side and told her that even if I had done anything wrong, he had no authority to fire me, as I was not his employee. She stomped her feet in the most childish way and stormed out. Thirty minutes later, I looked up to see Eel Lady, as she is now known, walking back through the door, her cheeks puffy. She walked up to me, chewing, and then proceeded to spit chewed-up eel and rice all over me. Eel Lady was then escorted out and permanently banned from the store.)

We’re Gonna Need A Bigger Dog Bowl

, , , , , | Right | February 14, 2019

(This story was relayed to me by my dad, the customer in question. We have a pair of pet goldfish, and I asked him to bring some more food for them on his way home, as we were running out.)

Dad: *approaches pet shop employee* “Excuse me. Do you have any food for dogfish?”

(Dogfish are a kind of shark.)

Employee: “For… what?”

(I think he was thinking of my stepmother’s dog.)