Intuit An Inuit

, , , , , , , | Learning | November 4, 2017

(We’re in a class about software development.)

Professor: “…and a good thing about software is that, although it can be easier if you have professional software, you don’t really need it. Anyone who has a computer can write a program. I was surprised to learn that something I’d been using was developed in the North Pole.”

Student: *joking* “With the penguins?”

Professor: “Yes! And it was probably one of them who wrote it.”

Student: “…A penguin?”

Professor: “Sure. They’re not primitive, you know. They have modern houses, computers, and everything.”

Student: “The penguins?

Professor: “Wait, isn’t that what the native people in the North Pole are called?”

Student: “Eskimos.”

Hooli-gone Crazy

, , , , | Related | October 14, 2017

(I’m talking to my brother on the phone. He lives abroad and is calling from a payphone.)

Me: “Hey, remember that time with the hooligan?”

Brother: “What hooligan?”

Me: “When you called me, and there was a hooligan breaking the phone next to yours.”

Brother: “What are you talking about?”

Me: “There was a banging noise, and when I asked you about it you said a hooligan was breaking the phone next to you. Then you asked him to be quiet and he said, ‘Sorry, I didn’t notice you,’ and gave you one of the coins that had fallen from the phone, as an apology.”

(As I relate the story, I begin to realize that it makes no sense.)

Brother: “…”

Me: “You know what, I probably just dreamed that. Never mind.”

(We laughed.)

Up Super Late And Super High

, , , , , | Right | September 12, 2017

(I work at a sandwich shop that specializes in deliveries, in a prominent college town. We receive a phone call around 2:30 am. This is what ensues:)

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Sandwich Shop]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Uhhh. Hey.”

Me: “Hey.”

Caller: “What time do you guys close?”

Me: “We stop taking orders at three am.”

Caller: “Oh, word.”

(Silence.)

Me: “So, what can I get you?”

Caller: “Oh, nothing. I just wanted to see what was up. I might call you guys tomorrow or something.”

Me: “Are you sure?”

Caller: “Yeah. I’m about to go to bed. I’m super tired. Goodnight.”

Me: “Uh, cool man. Sleep well.”

Caller: “Thanks, man, you too.”

(We all had a good laugh.)

A Cents-Ible Assumption

, , , , | Right | August 12, 2017

(After touring a famous museum in Greece my friends and I decide to order something from the museum café. The woman in front of us is purchasing one water bottle.)

Employee: “That will be 50c.”

Woman: “Let me find you a quarter.”

Employee: “Ma’am, a fifty cent coin will do.”

Woman: “I don’t have any quarters.”

(She spills all of her coins onto the counter. She has a few fifty cent coins.)

Me: “Madam, this will do.”

(Points out a fifty cent coin.)

Woman: “So I need fifty of these?”

Me: “No, you pay with that.”

(The woman then picks up a one euro coin.)

Woman: “Can I buy a bottle with this.”

Employee: “You can buy two water bottles with that.”

Woman: “Oh, okay.”

(She hands him the one euro coin and he goes to the fridge to get her water.)

Woman: *to me* “A one dollar coin. Who thought of that?”

Me: “Most countries have one dollar coins.”

Woman: “Oh.”

(She took her water and left.)