(My friend worked as a lifeguard in a swimming pool).

Customer: “This pool is too cold, can’t you see my baby is going blue?!”

Lifeguard: “I’ll check the temperature for you, but as all the other babies are fine it shouldn’t be too cold.”

(He takes a temperature reading and it is nearly 35 degrees C/95 degrees F.)

Customer: “Well, it’s still too cold.”

Lifeguard: *gives up* “Very well, if you would like to boil a lobster that’s fine by me.”

(Unfortunately, the customer had no sense of humor and shortly thereafter my lifeguard friend had no job.)

This story is part of the Swimming Pool roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

18 Sweat-Inducing Stories About Heatwaves And Those Who Can’t Handle Them (And A Few Who Can)

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(I’ve just finished setting up this individual’s service call to get a technician out to his house. I flub a few words, because it’s 2 in the morning.)

Me: “So the technician will be out sometime between 8 and 6 pm next Tuesday, then.”

Customer: “Is this call center located in The United States of America?”

Me: “Actually, we’re outsourced. I’m in Canada.”

Customer: “BECAUSE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, 6 COMES BEFORE 8 YOU STUPID F**K. BE HAPPY THAT I DON’T DISCONNECT MY SERVICE FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS, YOU G***D**N FOREIGNER!”

Me: “…thank you for calling, have a great day!”

Customer: *hangs up*

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(We are having a sale: four bags of liquorice for $12. I ring each bag up individually, and it shows up as $3 a bag.)

Customer: “I don’t want those if they come up to $3 a bag. It said they were four for $12.”

Me: “But if you’re buying four, at $3 apiece, that’s $12.”

Customer: “No, that’s $3 a bag. I want all four for $12!”

Me: “Okay…”

Related:
Math Is Your Friend, Part 2
Math Is Your Friend

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Me: “Thank you for calling technical support. My name is [My Name], how can I help you?

Customer: *distinct southern accent* “Where am I calling?”

Me: “[Company] technical support. Are you having trouble with your internet, sir?”

Customer: “I know that. I mean, what part of the world?”

Me: “I’m in Canada, sir. Is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: “Canada?! You have internet up in Canada?”

Me: “Nope… just got radio, in fact, I had to drive my dog sled into work. There was a horrible accident and I lost two dogs. It’s been a rough day.”

Customer: “Oh… well, I want technical support from a country who actually has it.” *click*

Supervisor: *monitoring calls* “You can’t be serious.”

This story is part of our Canada Day roundup!

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(This is when I was working at a certain home improvement store in a rural area of Edmonton. A lady walks up carrying a bag of manure.)

Lady: “Can you tell me the price of this item, please?”

Me: “Sure thing. It comes up to $6.50, ma’am.”

Lady: “$6.50? Hmm…I don’t suppose you can call [competitor store] and see how much they sell it for, can you?”

Me: “Sure thing, ma’am.”

(I call up our competitor, and it turns out they sell the same product for $6.49.)

Me: “They have it on sale for $6.49, ma’am.”

Lady: “$6.49! Would you be able to make a price match?”

Me: “Uh… you want me to lower the price from $6.50 to $6.49?”

Lady: “Yes, that’s right. Is that a problem?”

Me: “Well, uh…”

(She wants it lowered by a CENT? The store policy doesn’t let me lower it unless it’s a dollar difference, or by special request of the currently absent manager.)

Me: “Erm… well, policy is that we can’t lower the price unless the difference is at least a dollar.”

Lady: “What!? That’s crazy! I demand you lower the price for me, or I’m taking this straight to management!”

Me: “Ma’am, there’s really no need to do that. It’s company policy, there’s nothing really I can do.”

Lady: “FINE!” *throws down the bag* “I’m leaving and going to [competitor store]!”

Me: “…Have a nice day.”

(I’d like to point out that the nearest competitor store is about twenty minutes away. She’d have paid more in gas getting there than she would have if she just bought it here.)

This story is part of the Cheapskate Customers roundup!

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