(A young couple with an almost stereotypical ‘southern accent’ enters the shop, browses around, and pick up some things, then go to the cash desk.)

Me: “Is that everything for you today?”

Woman: “We’re on our honeymoon…”

Me: “Okay… will you be paying with cash, debit, or credit?”

(The man throws some money on the counter, saying nothing.)

Me: “I’m sorry, we can’t take American money.”

Man: “WHY THE F*** NOT? AMERICA IS THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD!”

Me: “Well, that might be the case, but this isn’t America.”

Woman: “What?”

Me: “This isn’t America. It’s Canada.”

Woman: “But that’s part of America, right?”

Me: “No.”

Man: “Oh, I get it. It must be Canada Day. That’s when they pretend to be independent.”

Me: “Sir, we ARE independent. It’s a separate country. Different money, different government, different accents.”

Man: *winks to his wife* “Right…”

This story is part of our Canada Day roundup!

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Me: “Hello, and welcome to [Hotel]. How was the drive up here?”

Wife: “Oh, it was stunning! I have never seen such beautiful trees, and the water, such a pretty color in the lake!”

Husband: “It was a very nice drive indeed.”

Me: “Well, that’s great! We pride ourselves on our natural beauty here in Canada. Can I get your names for your reservation?”

Wife: “Yes, indeed. Here you go.”

(She hands me her confirmation sheet.)

Wife: “Can you tell me, though, how do you get the water in Lake Louise that turquoise color?”

Me: “I’m sorry? What do you mean?”

Wife: “Well, the water is so clear, but it’s green; it looks like the ocean. Do you paint the bottom that color?”

Me: “Oh, no, the water has a green color because of the copper minerals in the water. When they oxidize, that’s why it looks like the ocean.”

Wife: “Oh, that’s crazy! Everybody knows copper is brown like a penny, not green. It’s painted, isn’t it?!”

(I try to explain for quite some time that we don’t dye the water, and that copper is the reason it looks blue-green.)

Wife: “There is no way that its natural! ”

Me: *getting annoyed* “Yes, we drain the lake and paint the bottom of the lake at night.”

Wife: “See? Was it so hard to tell the truth?” *walks away*

My Manager: “You know, I should fire you for that… but I think I would have done the same thing.”

Me: “Have a good day, sir.”

Old Man: “Thank you. Is your family doing anything for the 4th of July?”

Me: “Not really. We’re Canadian so we may hold a BBQ on July 1st, which is Canada Day.”

Old Man: “WHAT? You’re not American? I thought all foreigners had to become American when they came to this country!”

Me: “No, sir, my family all has green cards, so we’re all still Canadian citizens.”

Old Man: “I’M SICK OF ALL YOU F****** ILLEGAL ALIENS TAKING ALL OUR F****** JOBS! AN AMERICAN BOY SHOULD HAVE YOUR JOB!”

This story is part of our July 4th roundup!

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(This happened the day before Canadian Thanksgiving…)

Me: “Did you find everything you were looking for today?”

Customer: “I’ve been waiting fifteen minutes in line!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it’s a busy day today with the last-minute shopping!”

Customer: “Well, you should have all the lanes open! Why isn’t that lane open?”

Me: “I assume she’s on her break at the moment…”

Customer: “You shouldn’t GET breaks when it’s busy!”

This story is part of the Thanksgiving 2022 roundup!

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(My friend worked as a lifeguard in a swimming pool).

Customer: “This pool is too cold, can’t you see my baby is going blue?!”

Lifeguard: “I’ll check the temperature for you, but as all the other babies are fine it shouldn’t be too cold.”

(He takes a temperature reading and it is nearly 35 degrees C/95 degrees F.)

Customer: “Well, it’s still too cold.”

Lifeguard: *gives up* “Very well, if you would like to boil a lobster that’s fine by me.”

(Unfortunately, the customer had no sense of humor and shortly thereafter my lifeguard friend had no job.)

This story is part of the Swimming Pool roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

18 Sweat-Inducing Stories About Heatwaves And Those Who Can’t Handle Them (And A Few Who Can)

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