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Reply All, Also Known As “The Party Button”

, , , , , | Friendly | March 29, 2021

Pre-health crisis, my friend sends out an email to a large group of people, inviting them to a party. He includes me on the list.

Me: *Replying to the email* “Sounds great! Can’t wait.”

I hit send and then realize too late that I selected “Reply All” by mistake.

Me: *To myself* “Aw, crap. Well, can’t be helped.”

Two minutes later, I get an email from someone I don’t know.

Unknown Person: “WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU EMAILING MY HUSBAND? WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY ‘CAN’T WAIT’?”

It turned out that she was married to one of the other email recipients. Rather than realizing that I’d accidentally replied to the entire group, or scrolling down to see the original email, she immediately jumped to the wrong conclusion. I made sure to avoid her and her husband at the party.

Star-Crossed Rock-Lovers

, , , , | Working | March 26, 2021

It’s my first time flying internationally — just from the USA to Canada, and the previous times I’d been to Canada were by car before passports were required — so it’s also my first time through customs. I either miss the announcement and signs concerning declaration forms or there just aren’t any, and I am the only person not in the know, as when we get off the plane in Quebec, I am the only one who doesn’t have a form filled out.

Cue me hastily filling out paperwork on a back table while all the other passengers finish their interviews and carry on with their travels. Finally done, I look up and see that I am now alone with a single customs agent waiting on me. I approach her and hand over my forms. The agent reviews them.

Canadian Agent: “What’s the reason for your visit?”

Me: “I’m visiting a friend.”

Canadian Agent: “And how did you meet?”

Me: “Online.”

I notice the agent’s eyes narrowing suspiciously at this.

Canadian Agent: “What is their name, and how long have you known each other?”

Me: “[Friend’s Full Name], and we’ve known each other for ten years.”

Canadian Agent: “Is this your first time meeting in person?”

Me: “Yes, but we voice and video chat frequently as well as send each other mail occasionally.”

Canadian Agent: “Where does your friend live?”

Me: “[Small Town] on the coast.”

Canadian Agent: “And you’re just friends?”

Her tone has changed to downright accusatory and I’m a bit taken aback.

Me: “Yes. She’s one of my best and oldest friends. We’ve just never had a chance to meet in person before due to the distance.”

I am asked a few more probing questions into the nature of my relationship with my friend, each getting more direct and suggestive about what I intend to do with my “friend,” as if the concept of traveling internationally to meet someone who you have a platonic relationship with is completely impossible.

I finally manage to escape that uncomfortable line of questioning and enjoy a lovely time with my friend and her family! Then comes my return trip and second time through customs.

The American agent glances over my forms and passport.

American Agent: “Welcome back.”

They go through a spiel about taxable goods, high-value purchases, and forbidden items, asking if I have anything to declare.

Me: “Nope, none of that.”

The agent indicates toward my large suitcase.

American Agent: “What’s in there?”

Me: “Mostly rocks. Turns out the area I went to has lots of raw jasper!”

American Agent: “Really?! That’s awesome!”

And with that, I was sent on my way. I’m sure it was mostly just the difference between leaving and returning to the country, but the fifth degree the Canadian agent gave me about my friend still leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

On Cold Days, The Customers Are Colder

, , , , , | Right | March 26, 2021

It was one of the coldest winter days this year in my part of Ontario; the temperature is -25 degrees, -30 with the wind chill. A lady called to complain that the takeout she ordered got cold enough on the fifteen-minute drive home that she had to rewarm it.

It was hard to find the sincerity in my voice to apologize to her.

A Stupid Call By Any Metric, Part 4

, , , , , | Right | March 26, 2021

I am an Australian working in a bar and restaurant in a ski town in British Columbia. Lots of tourists come through, and this particular one is an American man around fifty years old. I am mildly hungover and have just walked into work.

Tourist: “What do you have on tap?”

He is standing in front of the fourteen taps and ignoring the drink menu on the counter.

Me: “What are you looking for? IPA? Pale ale? Lager?”

Tourist: “Lager.”

Me: “We have this one from Vancouver, or this one which is brewed locally, just eight k’s down the road.”

K is standard slang for kilometres in a metric country.

Tourist: “Eight what?”

Me: “Eight kilometres.”

Tourist: “What?”

I speak slowly, as my Australian accent can admittedly throw Americans sometimes.

Me: “Eight kilometres.”

The tourist gives up trying to figure out what I was saying.

Me: “Here’s a sample.”

I slide him across a taster.

Tourist: “That’s fine. I’ll have one of those.”

I pour the beer and ring it up.

Me: “$8.10, please.”

Tourist: “Is that in dollars?”

Me: “Yes, Canadian dollars.”

Tourist: “What is it in American dollars?”

Me: “Do you know where you are, sir?”

Tourist: *Indignantly* “Yes.”

Me: “Well, that is why it is in Canadian.”

He paid and walked off in a huff. I could have been more delicate, but guess what? Things change when you cross international borders!

Related:
A Stupid Call By Any Metric, Part 3
A Stupid Call By Any Metric, Part 2
A Stupid Call By Any Metric

It’s A Gamble If She Makes Her Way To Your Restaurant

, , , , , , | Right | March 24, 2021

I’m an employee in a casino’s food and beverage department. One morning, I go to the in-house fast food chain for a coffee on my break. The cashier takes my order but needs to run to the back for a moment and leaves the counter alone. An old woman walks up in a huff.

Customer: “Well? Aren’t you working right now? Don’t you work here?!”

Me: “I don’t work for [Fast Food Restaurant]; I’m also a customer here right now.”

Customer: “NO! DO. YOU. WORK. HERE?!”

Me: “In the casino or [Fast Food Restaurant]? I work in the casino’s restaurant. They just lease the space; we don’t share staff.”

Customer: *Rolling her eyes* “Well. No one is taking my order!”

Not a second later, the cashier returns in full [Fast Food Restaurant] uniform and cheerfully apologizes for the wait. She hands me my coffee and quickly begins taking the old woman’s order when she’s immediately cut off.

Customer: “Hold on! I don’t know what I want! Do you have [Famous Item from another fast food chain]?”

I shot the cashier a sympathetic glance and returned to my work area as fast as I could.