I work in a call center sending taxis to customers. This conversation happens several times every Friday and Saturday, no exceptions.

Me: “[Taxi Company]. May I have your phone number, please?”

Caller: “Umm, hang on…” *To other partygoers* “Does anybody know what my phone number is? Okay, it’s [number].”

Me: “Okay…” *Types in the number* “Are you at [address]?”

Caller: “No, umm… Does anybody know the address here?” *Pauses* “Okay, it’s [Address].”

Me: “Is that a house or an apartment?”

Caller: “Umm… is this a house or apartment?”

Yes, they seriously ask this.

Caller: “It’s an apartment.”

Me: “Okay, can I get the apartment number?”

Caller: “Umm… does anybody know the apartment number here? Okay, it’s [number].”

Me: “Thank you, and who’s the cab for?”

Caller: “Umm… hey, who’s taking the taxi?”

Seriously, why would you phone for a taxi when you knew literally none of the information? Amazingly, they usually got picked up anyway.

I work as a receptionist in a small gym where memberships are more like spots you reserve in certain classes. This one woman, now everyone’s least favourite client, comes in about forty-five minutes into the last class of the day, which is a reformer class. We close very early on Sundays.

Customer: “When does the reformer class start?”

Me: “Oh, they’re about fifteen minutes away from finishing. Are you here to meet your friend?”

Customer: “No, I’m here for the class.”

Me: “I can let you in, but you won’t get anything done and you’ll waste your money.”

Customer: “Well, you should sign me up for the next one.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but this is actually the last class we have today.”

Customer: “Make one for me.”

Me: “Unfortunately, private classes have to be booked ahead of time through the owner.”

I give her the owner’s card.

Customer: “Then why didn’t you call me to tell me about the class?”

Me: “I’m sorry, the owner didn’t tell me I needed to call someone. Did you sign up for the class?”

Customer: “No, I didn’t want to sign up and I didn’t tell the owner I was coming.”

Me: “So how was I supposed to know you were coming?”

Customer: “It’s your job!”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t even have your phone number in our system.”

Customer: “You should know all your clients’ phone numbers!”

Me: “Ma’am, we have hundreds of clients. Now, I can tell you’re angry, so I’ll have to ask you to leave. If you look on the app we had you install while you were registering for our gym, the schedule is posted there. Have a good day.”

Customer: “I can have the boss fire you and then buy you myself!”

I know d*** well I’m the only reason this place isn’t falling apart.

Me: “I’m sure you can. Leave.”

The company I work for has recently decided to go completely bagless. It can be a little inconvenient, but for the most part, no one’s really cared all that much. Today while I’m working the till, a customer walks up with two six-packs of beer.

Me: “Would you like a cardboard flat to carry it out in?”

Customer: “No, just a bag is fine.”

Me: “Oh, sorry. We don’t have bags anymore.”

Customer: “Seriously?! So, if I come in and buy three bottles of wine, am I just supposed to put them in my pockets?!”

Me: “We have flats and boxes, and we sell reusable wine totes for $1.”

Customer: “Then I guess I’d better find somewhere else to shop.” *Storms out*

Me: “…okay?”

Related:
Has Some Serious Bag Baggage, Part 6
Has Some Serious Bag Baggage, Part 5
Has Some Serious Bag Baggage, Part 4
Has Some Serious Bag Baggage, Part 3
Has Some Serious Bag Baggage, Part 2

I grew up in a small town where most things close at 6:00 pm and don’t even open on Sunday, but I have moved to a big city nearby. I call the grocery store by my house on a Sunday afternoon to find their hours.

Me: “Hi, what time do you close today?”

Grocery Store: “Eleven today.”

Me: “At night?!”

Grocery Store: “…”

Me: “Umm… sorry… Thank you.”

I am an idiot.

I walk up to the desk of my rec centre after work to renew my gym membership. A world-weary woman behind the counter looks up at me.

Attendant: “Are you here for the gym or pool?”

Me: “Umm, I’m looking to renew my gym membership. The pool’s closed for two weeks.”

Attendant: “Wait. You know that?”

I look at her strangely.

Me: “Yeah. There’ve been signs in the parking garage and on the doors for weeks. I was staring at three signs about it as I was waiting in line. I saw it in big letters on your webpage when I checked your hours. I mean, my hand is resting on a Sharpie-written notice right now.”

Attendant: “So… some people do see them…”

Me: “I am so sorry about your next two weeks. Here’s my card to renew.”