(At the zoo where I work, I’m answering questions from a group of tourists from Connecticut.)
Tourist: “So, do you all say ‘eh’ in Canada?”
Me: “Not too much, really. Maybe they say it a bit more out east.”
Tourist: “Canada has an EAST?!”
This story is part of our Geography roundup.
(I work airport security. The metal detectors choose random people for additional screening. On the screen, it will tell us if it’s an actual alarm or random. The alert beep sounds almost identical to the metal alarm one. A lady walks through and the machine chooses her for random screening.)
Me: “Hello, bonjour, miss. You’ve been chosen for additional screening.”
Lady: *not listening* “Oh, I don’t think I have any metal.”
Me: “No, the metal detector chose you for random screening.”
Lady: *still not listening* “I don’t think it’s my shoes; I’ve worn them through before.”
Me: “No, it’s random.”
Lady: *still not listening* “I don’t have anything in my pockets.”
Me: “It’s random selection.”
Lady: “Maybe if I try—” *suddenly stops, clueing in* “Oh! Maybe if I listened; I’d like the scanner, please!”
(This happened back in 2003 during the East Coast Blackout when I was a cashier at a bookstore. Although Edmonton is far from the East coast, all our debit, credit, and gift-card machines are tied into servers in Eastern Canada.)
Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”
Customer: “I’d like to get this book…” *passes me the book and a gift card*
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but our gift card system is down right now.”
Customer: “This is bull-s***! My kids bought this card for me yesterday, and now I can’t use it?”
Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but we can put the book on hold for you.”
Customer: “This is a scam! You guys are trying to rip me off!”
Me: “Sir…”
Customer: “Don’t call me ‘sir!'”
Me: “Now, sir…”
Customer: “Don’t call me sir! Call me an a**hole, but don’t call me sir!” *stomps out of the store*
Customer: “Excuse me, why won’t my card work on the pump?”
Me: “Is it an American card?”
Customer: “Yes.”
Me: “American cards don’t work at the pump.”
Customer: “You should put up a sign or something.”
Me: “Actually, there are several right above the card slot.”
Customer: “Oh. Well, I don’t read Canadian…”
This story is part of the Customers-Ignoring-Signs roundup!
Read the next Customers-Ignoring-Signs roundup story!
Read the Customers-Ignoring-Signs roundup!
Customer: “Hello, sir, I am wondering if you can help me?”
Me: “Sure, what can I do for you?”
Customer: “I’m looking to rent a boat.”
Me: “Sure, what kind would you like?”
Customer: “A boat.”
Me: “Yes, sir, but what kind of boat?”
Customer: *confused* “A boat…”
Me: “Yes, sir, a boat, but what kind of boat? We have three different kinds.”
Customer: “A boat boat!”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t know what you mean.”
Customer: “Stupid Canadians! Don’t know what a f***ing boat is!”
Me: “Sir, I’m sorry. I just don’t understand your question, but I will go down to the docks with you and help you choose your boat.”
Customer: “Fine!”
(We walk down to the dock and approach a row boat.)
Customer: “That’s the one right there. A boat. You see?”
Me: “Oh, you meant a row boat, sir.”
Customer: “No, that is a boat boat!”
Me: “In Canada, it’s called a row boat.”
Customer: “Jesus, why can’t you Canadians speak regular English like everyone else?!”
This story is part of our Wrong Names roundup!
Read the next Wrong Names roundup story!
Read the Wrong Names roundup!
