I’m driving my car on a busy city road and a guy in a company van behind me is doing his level best to cause an accident, tailgating and popping out from time to time as if to overtake. I’d rather have this kind of driver in front of me, so I give him room to pass, only for him to do the same with the next car in front.

I realise from the logos on the van that it’s a small company that we do business with, so I pull over and give them a call. The front office assistant picks up the phone.

Me: “I would like to let you know that one of your guys is driving recklessly and you might want to do something about it before he gets into an accident. The license plate is [number].”

Assistant: “I see. I’ll let the management know, but…”

She does the verbal equivalent of a shrug.

Me: “Oh. You don’t have a program for safe driving, that kind of thing?”

Employee: “Oh, we do. It’s just that the current driver is the company owner.”

I’m in the office of a company with the CEO and his phone rings. It’s about four-thirty. He is at first puzzled, then frowning, and then he ends the call and starts to laugh. He calls his secretary.

CEO: “Hi. Would you come in here and bring me some letterhead? [Worker] just called me to complain that the water in the showers is cold and asking whether I’m gonna do something about it.”

A tip: if you want to take your shower before you clock out, do it on the sly, and most of all, don’t call your CEO on the phone! The guy was written up.

I do marketing campaigns for a small company. The company barely has any money but does have a boss who thinks he can get everything because he owns the world. I have to launch and maintain a Facebook page for one of their products, while he keeps me busy with a million other things. I am the only one who does marketing because the boss doesn’t (and won’t) invest in more manpower.

Boss: “Do something that will get us more likes for our product page on Facebook. Also, we have no budget.”

I do the best I can in the little time I have without money for an ad campaign. That means doing everything by hand, from liking other pages and researching, to commenting on postings that could be of interest to us, to sending out dozens of PMs and emails, trying to get peoples’ attention.

A few weeks later, we have the first revision of the project:

Boss: “Why do we only have a few hundred likes on Facebook? [Competitor] has several thousand!”

Helpful Employee: “Maybe it’s because [Competitor] has two people working full-time on the same stuff [My Name] does in a quarter of the time because you won’t pay him more, as well as a budget of several thousand Euros whereas we have none?”

The boss huffed and puffed and left the table, mumbling something about the competitor having several thousand likes and why he can’t have that. I’m glad I stopped working for them and cut contact (except for [Helpful Employee], who’s still a friend of mine).

This story is part of our ‘Clients From Hell’ roundup!

Read the next roundup story!

Read the roundup!

I work for a small company where you need to wear a lot of hats. As a result, our Sales Director is also in Human Resources, which would be fine if she wasn’t also a pathological liar.

Because we are a startup, we rely on a major benefactor. In fact, he rents out the office space to us for $200 a month. Every year, though, [Sales Director] gets it in her head that we need to move closer to the local university where the owner is a professor. We never do.

This takes place as she is telling the company that [Coworker], a major contributor, is leaving. It is also worth noting that I just got accepted into the Master’s program and plan to leave to pursue that at the end of the year.

Sales Director: “We are going to try to move closer to central [City] to be closer to the university in the next two months. We want to shorten your commute, [My Name] and [New Hire], so this is for you!”

It really wouldn’t shorten my commute, and again, she did this every year to “boost morale”, so I suppressed an eye-roll and thanked her.

No, they didn’t move. Yes, she got [New Hire]’s hopes up to try and sneakily retain him.

I’m picking up a few things for my daughter’s birthday. I’ve made an order and I’m collecting it.

Cashier: “Will that be all?”

Me: “Oh, yes. [Owner] said there was some of stock being thrown out and I could help myself.”

Cashier: “There is no [Owner] that works here.”

Me: “Yes, there is. [Owner], the owner.”

Cashier: “The owner is [Woman]. You can’t have stuff for free.”

Me: “Why don’t I call him?”

I get my phone and dial the number right there.

Me: “Oh, hi, [Owner]. I’m in the shop and they don’t know anything about the stuff you said.” *Pauses* “Her name is… [Cashier]. She said she doesn’t even know you.” *Pauses* “Okay, great. See you in a second.”

Cashier: “You know what? I’ve really had it with customers trying to rip us off. I will call the owner and they will ban you from the store.”

Just then, [Owner] arrives from the back.

Owner: “I don’t think that will be necessary. Sorry about her, [My Name]. She’s been here six months and I’m here all the time. You would think she would know who I am by now.”

Cashier: “But [Woman] said—”

Owner: “[Woman] is the manager. I am the owner. I did explain this.” *Sighs* “Why don’t you restock the shelves while I serve this gentleman?”

He did, and he gave me a bit of a discount, too. When I left, I saw the cashier outside instead of stacking the shelves, smoking a cigarette. I wonder how long she stayed.

Related:
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 17
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 16
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 15
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 14
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 13