I’ll Have Whatever He Had

, , | Right | March 6, 2008

(A VERY drunk WHITE guy comes in five minutes before closing time.)

White Guy: “F*** you! You’re not going to serve me are you?”

Me: “Nope, sorry, we’re just closing.”

White Guy: “Awww, go on, please… just a quick pint!”

Me: “No, we’re closing.”

White Guy: “F*** you, is it because I’m black?”

Me: “…Yes.”

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Socrates Meets The Elevator

, , | Right | March 4, 2008

Customer: “Is there an elevator to the theatre?”

Me: “Yes, directly across from me.”

(The customer walks to the front of elevator and starts yelling…)

Customer: “How does this thing work?!”

Me: “Press the button, and when the doors open, get in and press floor number 2.”

Customer: “No, how does this thing work?”

Me: “Do you mean the physics behind elevators? This brand of elevator… or something more specific?”

Customer: “No, how does it work with me?”

(My phone was ringing and I had to go answer it in a different room. I wandered off. Ten minutes later, the customer was still arguing with the elevator. I left for lunch… a very long lunch.)

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A Pain In The Ask

, , | Right | February 23, 2008

(This customer bought a couple of packs of white t-shirts and socks.)

Me: “Your total is $28.77.”

Customer: “Were the shirts on sale?”

Me: “Yes, they were $2 off.”

Customer: “How do you know?”

Me: “…because that’s what the sale price is. See? It shows it here on the register screen.”

Customer: “Oh okay. But were they on sale?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Okay. Were the socks on sale?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Our sales change weekly and this week these socks aren’t on sale.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because they aren’t on sale this week.”

Customer: “But why?”

Me: “I don’t know…corporate decides the sales.”

Customer: “Oh okay. What’s the total?”

Me: “$28.77.”

(The customer gives me $40 and I give him his $11.23. I used two $5 bills instead of a 10 because I didn’t have any 10s in my till.)

Customer: “I want a ten, I don’t want two fives!”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t have any tens in my drawer. I only have fives.”

Customer: “Why do you think that is?”

Me: “Well, when I get change from my supervisors they just give me fives. They don’t usually have any tens. And also customers just don’t usually pay with tens.”

Customer: “But why do you think that is?”

Me: “I don’t really know. Probably because the customers usually get money from ATMs and they only give out twenties.”

Customer: “Why do you think that is?”

Me: “I don’t know. I guess the banks just think that people really just need twenties.”

Customer: *frustrated* “Wait, why are we talking about banks?”

Me: “I don’t know, you brought it up.”

Customer: “I don’t want two fives, I want a ten!”

Me: “Go ask at customer service. They might have some.”

Customer: “Why do you think that is?”

(I call the manager who gets the guy his ten. He finally leaves after asking me again if the socks were on sale.)

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Low Class, High Class, Still An A**

, , | Right | February 16, 2008

(A customer is sitting in front of a display, reading a book.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you can’t sit in front of our displays.”

Customer: “I have to sit here because the customers over there are sending me bad energy.”

Coworker: “Uh, okay…”

(Coworker walks over to me.)

Coworker: “Your turn.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you can’t sit in front of our displays.”

Customer: “I’m not low-class you know!”

(I walk away stunned. After a while, the customer finally gets up and walks toward the cashier.)

Customer: “I have a complaint about two of your staff members. They called me low-class. I’m not low-class–I’m almost forty!”

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How OJ Might Order OJ

, , , | Right | February 16, 2008

I am working at the drive-thru.

Customer: “Do you have orange juice, not an orange drink?”

Me: “Yes, we have orange juice.”

Customer: “I asked if you have orange juice, not an orange drink!”

Me: “And I said we do have orange juice…”

Customer: *Yelling* “Why don’t you answer my question!”

Me: “I did… twice…”

Customer: “F*** you! I don’t need to take this!”

Me: “Oooookay then…”

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