Ham Is The Meat Of Choice For Extraterrestrials And Junkies

(I work on the deli counter of a large UK supermarket chain. I recently served a guy who was either high or an alien.)

Me: “Hello. How can I help?”

Customer: “I’d like some normal ham, please.”

Me: “We have several different kinds of ham; which one would you like?”

(The customer randomly points at the honey roast ham.)

Customer: “I’ll have that one.”

Me: “Okay, how much would you like?

Customer: “The normal amount.”

Me: “All the ham we sell is sold by weight, so there’s no set amount;, you can have as much as you like.”

Customer: “Give me as much as I deserve.”

(I grab a random amount of ham slices, wrap them, and then hand them to him.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “You know this place, all the food here… I can buy as much as I want, right?”

Me: “Yes, as long as we have the stock, you can buy as much as you want.”

(The customer grinned at me and wandered away, mumbling, “Wow, this is amazing.”)