(I’m in the back taking money and orders when a customer pulls up to my window.)

Customer: “I heard that your chicken sandwiches aren’t made of chicken. I heard they’re actually made of rooster.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Your chicken sandwiches aren’t made of chickens, but roosters, right?”

Me: “Roosters are chickens, sir.”

Customer: “No, they’re not!”

Me: “Yes, roosters are male chickens and hens are female chickens.”

Customer: “Oh, it’s like that human thing, too… boy and girl! I see…” *drives off without ordering anything*

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(I am working at the drive-thru at our coffee shop.)

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Coffee Shop]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: *complete silence*

(I can see his car in our camera and he’s not talking.)

Me: “Did you have any questions or anything?”

Customer: “Well, there you are! What kind of smoothies do you have?”

Me: “We have strawberry banana, orange mango banana, and chocolate banana.”

Customer: “I want a strawberry one.”

Me: “Okay, that will be—”

Customer: *drives away from the speaker before I can finish*

(The customer in front of this customer in the drive-thru line has an issue with her order, so we have to wait until it is ready. During this time I make small talk with the customer as we are trained to do. After handing the customer her beverage, the next car pulls up.)

Me: “That will be [price]. Your smoothie is on its way!”

Customer: “I have a concern. You just wasted five minutes of my time having a conversation with that other customer. If I had honked my horn, you would have called me rude, but don’t you think it is rude to have personal conversations on my time? I just can’t believe you would do things like that. My time is valuable and I don’t like my time to be wasted!”

Me: “Well, they had an issue with their order and we had to wait. I thought it would be rude to ask her to stop talking to me. I will go check on your smoothie.”

(I get the smoothie and come back to the window.)

Me: “All right, there you go!”

(I am holding the smoothie out toward the customer. He spends a good two to three minutes talking on the phone while I wait.)

Customer: *turns and finally sees me* “Well, finally, what took so long?”

Me: “I’ve been standing here for two minutes.”

Customer: “Well, I was on the phone. Why didn’t you say something?”

Me: “I didn’t want to be rude.”

Guest: “We have a party of six. Will that fit in your hotel’s van?”

Me: “Well, our hotel van has room for eleven.”

Guest: *blank stare*

Me: “So, your party of six will fit.”

Guest: “Oh! Good.”

(I am a customer heading for the bathroom at a store. A woman storms out of the lady’s room. It looks like she’s trying hard to keep her hands in the air and not touch anything as she marches up to an employee.)

Customer: “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting in there!? Why hasn’t anyone come in?”

Employee: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “The sign in there says ‘Employees must wash hands’! I’ve been waiting in there for fifteen minutes for someone to wash my hands!”

(I’m a little hyperactive and ditzy, but mostly it comes off as being friendly, or so I think until this customer comes up to me.)

Customer: “Miss, exactly what kind of drugs are you on?”

Me: “None at all, I assure you.”

Customer: “Bulls***! You can’t just be that happy!”

Me: *completely bewildered* “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “That’s more like it!” *picks up his things and leaves*