Prepare For A Big Change!

, , , , , | Right | November 24, 2020

I am working the register when a bus full of tourists lets off across the street.

A customer orders five or so drinks, a couple of bakery items, and merchandise from the shelf. This rings up to over $50 and he pays in all change. The manager sighs and opens a second register while I count.

Me: “This covers it; the remainder is yours.”

Customer: “I only want paper money back.”

Me: “I can exchange this portion for paper, but you’re shy of a full dollar.”

Customer:Only paper money!”

Me: “You’re welcome to put it in the tip jar? I’m sorry, but I really don’t know how to help you?”

They appeared visibly upset. After a few moments of nothing happening, I slowly put the change in the tip jar myself. This made them happy somehow, and they walked away smiling!

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Aw, They’re Just Gals Being Pals

, , , , , , , , | Friendly | October 23, 2020

I’m waiting in line at the airport and I strike up a conversation with a woman in front of me. Another woman walks up who is obviously travelling with the first woman.

I step out of the way to let them stand together.

Me: “Oh, sorry about that. I didn’t mean to separate you from your…?”

The guy behind me lets out a disgusted sigh.

Guy: “Friend. They’re friends! My God, why do people have to be so stupidly PC all the time?! Now we have to go around assuming that any two people might be gay instead of just normal friends!”

Woman #1: “I mean, we are best friends.”

The guy gives me a smug look.

Woman #1: “That’s why we got married.”


This story is part of our Best Of October 2020 roundup!

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You Mean I Actually Have To… Parent?

, , , , , | Right | August 28, 2019

(A customer walks into our store who is obviously a tourist from Europe. She has three young girls with her, ages three to eight.)

Customer: “Where do you leave the children?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: *pointing at her daughters* “Them!

Me: “Oh, you mean like a daycare? We don’t do that here.”

Customer: “So, what do I do? Where do I leave them?”

Me: “I don’t know… They stay with you?”

Customer: “Ugh, this is so stupid. How am I supposed to shop?”

Me: “Sorry?”

(Under my breath, I ask, “Why would you bring them, then?”)

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The Easter Bunny Has Learned To Avoid Black Friday

, , , , , , | Right | April 21, 2019

(I work at a chocolate store and it is Easter time, the craziest time of the year, when customers are desperate to grab chocolate before somebody else does. I’ve seen a lot of arguments break out over chocolate eggs and whatnot, but never an incident like this before.)

Old Lady: *seems like a sweet little lady* “Hello, dear. I was wondering if you could show me where the chocolate bunnies are? I need one for my grandson.”

Me: “Of course, ma’am. I’d be more than happy to help.”

(I show her, and it looks like there’s only one more left on the shelf. She takes it and thanks me.)

Me: “Well, you’re in luck! That’s the last one. The registers are over here, ma’am, and thank you for shopping with us.”

(She is extremely polite throughout the whole exchange and goes on her way. Less than a minute later:)

Customer: “Do you have any chocolate bunnies? I really need one.”

Me: *cringes, knowing what’s going to happen* “Um, actually, that lady there just took the last one… so…”

(The customer immediately takes off, and I can see her yelling at the little old lady. The lady is calm, though, and when the other customer stops to catch her breath, the old lady pulls out A TASER and threatens her with it. She doesn’t get angry or anything. The customer pales and runs away, apologizing. This freaks me the h*** out. I don’t even know if tasers are legal here, or what. I walk over to her, praying.)

Me: “Uh… ma’am… I… your taser…” *sweating nervously*

Old Lady: *laughs* “Oh, sorry, dear. Did I scare you? It doesn’t work; there are no batteries in it. See?” *presses button, nothing happens* “I’ve been carrying it around since I went Black Friday shopping last year. Thank you again for your help!” *leaves*

(I don’t even want to know what happened last year on Black Friday.)


This story is part of the Easter roundup!

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Read the Easter roundup!

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Colliding With The Collada Customer

, , , , | Right | January 31, 2019

(I work in the restaurant of a bowling alley on the opening shift, which gets pretty busy on the weekends, especially with birthday parties. On this day, I am working register while two coworkers prepare food — one is manning the fryer and grill, the other assembling platters and plates of food to put up on an adjacent counter for pick-up — and a third makes pizzas in the back. As cashier, my job includes making drink orders, including coffees. We are on the tail end of a big rush thanks to a birthday party not pre-ordering their food, and I am finishing up the line when a male customer orders a collada: a Cuban coffee, which is basically an espresso shot with a heaping ton of sugar mixed in. I don’t think anything of it, and it takes no more than ninety seconds to make the coffee and hand it over after payment. About ten minutes later, while I am grabbing a couple pitchers for another customer’s soda, my coworkers call for my attention.)

Coworker #1: “Did you make a collada?”

Me: “Yeah, not that long ago. Why?”

Coworker #2: “This lady says it’s ice cold.”

(Of course, I am baffled. Unless the machine has learned how to brew coffee with cold water, there is no way it should already be cold. Still, [Coworker #2] goes about making another coffee while I finish the soda pitchers, still mulling over the accusation. The complaining customer moves in front of the register, and it is an older woman, not the man I made the coffee for.)

Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am. I have no idea how this happened.”

Customer: “It was ice cold! Disgusting!”

Me: “I really am sorry. I don’t know what could have caused it.”

Customer: “It was ice cold. No Cuban would ever drink that.”

(I can almost feel my apologetic customer service smile fall into something like my neutral “resting b**** face,” though I try to be pleasant.)

Me: “She’s getting your coffee now, ma’am.”

(Luckily, my coworker has finished and is already turning to offer the customer the little Styrofoam cup.)

Coworker #2: “Here you go! Nice and hot!”

Customer: “I’ll be the judge of that!”

(She proceeds to pop open the lid and glare inside before just walking away, and I turn to my coworker in upset confusion.)

Me: “I honestly don’t know why that happened.”

Coworker #2: “Don’t worry about it. You didn’t do anything wrong. The cup was almost empty; it was just easier to give her another one than start a fight. I hope it gives her the s***s.”

(I agreed with her. I hope it was worth saving $1.45.)

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