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Out Of Order Is Totally Out Of Order

, , , , , | Right | March 15, 2022

Just before we open, we realize the toilet isn’t working, so I put an “Out of Order” sign in two different languages on the door. One of the cooks has already had to knock on the door to get a lady who had waltzed right in past the sign out of there before she accidentally made a mess, but this is the most interesting interaction of the day.

Female Customer: “Do you have a restroom?”

Me: “Unfortunately, it’s out of order. Sorry.”

She looks a bit disgruntled but hurries out the door to find somewhere else that has a bathroom, which is not hard since almost every building for two blocks is a restaurant.

Customer’s Husband: *Accusatorily* “Why is the bathroom ‘out of order?'”

Me: “Because it’s not working?”

Customer’s Husband: “Well, what are customers supposed to do? Some of them want to use the bathroom!”

Me: “Sir, I would also like to use the restroom, but I can’t, either. I have to go next door, too.”

He huffs and walks out to wait for his food.

Me: *To my coworkers* “What does he think, I just put the ‘Out of Order’ sign up for fun so he couldn’t use it?”

Prepare For A Big Change!

, , , , , | Right | November 24, 2020

I am working the register when a bus full of tourists lets off across the street.

A customer orders five or so drinks, a couple of bakery items, and merchandise from the shelf. This rings up to over $50 and he pays in all change. The manager sighs and opens a second register while I count.

Me: “This covers it; the remainder is yours.”

Customer: “I only want paper money back.”

Me: “I can exchange this portion for paper, but you’re shy of a full dollar.”

Customer:Only paper money!”

Me: “You’re welcome to put it in the tip jar? I’m sorry, but I really don’t know how to help you?”

They appeared visibly upset. After a few moments of nothing happening, I slowly put the change in the tip jar myself. This made them happy somehow, and they walked away smiling!

Aw, They’re Just Gals Being Pals

, , , , , , , , | Friendly | October 23, 2020

I’m waiting in line at the airport and I strike up a conversation with a woman in front of me. Another woman walks up who is obviously travelling with the first woman.

I step out of the way to let them stand together.

Me: “Oh, sorry about that. I didn’t mean to separate you from your…?”

The guy behind me lets out a disgusted sigh.

Guy: “Friend. They’re friends! My God, why do people have to be so stupidly PC all the time?! Now we have to go around assuming that any two people might be gay instead of just normal friends!”

Woman #1: “I mean, we are best friends.”

The guy gives me a smug look.

Woman #1: “That’s why we got married.”

This story is part of our Best Of October 2020 roundup!

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You Mean I Actually Have To… Parent?

, , , , , | Right | August 28, 2019

(A customer walks into our store who is obviously a tourist from Europe. She has three young girls with her, ages three to eight.)

Customer: “Where do you leave the children?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: *pointing at her daughters* “Them!

Me: “Oh, you mean like a daycare? We don’t do that here.”

Customer: “So, what do I do? Where do I leave them?”

Me: “I don’t know… They stay with you?”

Customer: “Ugh, this is so stupid. How am I supposed to shop?”

Me: “Sorry?”

(Under my breath, I ask, “Why would you bring them, then?”)

The Easter Bunny Has Learned To Avoid Black Friday

, , , , , , | Right | April 21, 2019

(I work at a chocolate store and it is Easter time, the craziest time of the year, when customers are desperate to grab chocolate before somebody else does. I’ve seen a lot of arguments break out over chocolate eggs and whatnot, but never an incident like this before.)

Old Lady: *seems like a sweet little lady* “Hello, dear. I was wondering if you could show me where the chocolate bunnies are? I need one for my grandson.”

Me: “Of course, ma’am. I’d be more than happy to help.”

(I show her, and it looks like there’s only one more left on the shelf. She takes it and thanks me.)

Me: “Well, you’re in luck! That’s the last one. The registers are over here, ma’am, and thank you for shopping with us.”

(She is extremely polite throughout the whole exchange and goes on her way. Less than a minute later:)

Customer: “Do you have any chocolate bunnies? I really need one.”

Me: *cringes, knowing what’s going to happen* “Um, actually, that lady there just took the last one… so…”

(The customer immediately takes off, and I can see her yelling at the little old lady. The lady is calm, though, and when the other customer stops to catch her breath, the old lady pulls out A TASER and threatens her with it. She doesn’t get angry or anything. The customer pales and runs away, apologizing. This freaks me the h*** out. I don’t even know if tasers are legal here, or what. I walk over to her, praying.)

Me: “Uh… ma’am… I… your taser…” *sweating nervously*

Old Lady: *laughs* “Oh, sorry, dear. Did I scare you? It doesn’t work; there are no batteries in it. See?” *presses button, nothing happens* “I’ve been carrying it around since I went Black Friday shopping last year. Thank you again for your help!” *leaves*

(I don’t even want to know what happened last year on Black Friday.)

This story is part of the Easter roundup!

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