(I’m putting the salad on a customer’s sandwich.)
Customer: “What’s that black thing on there?”
(I check to see if I’ve put olives on the sandwich by mistake.)
Me: “What black thing?”
Customer: “That big black thing right there!”
(I check again.)
Me: “Erm, that’s the shadow of my hand.”
Customer: “I don’t want that. Take it off!”
Me: *moves hand*
Customer: “That’s better.”
(It’s the end of the night and I’m standing at the front door to make sure no one takes their drinks out of the building, which is illegal in Nebraska. I stop one gentleman on his way out with a beer.)
Me: “Sorry, sir. You can’t step out with that.”
Customer: “I think I can.”
Me: “No, sir, you really can’t.”
Customer: “Oh yeah?”
(He pulls out his wallet and shows me a crude fabric badge sewn on to it.)
Customer: “You’d better let me go and give me my beer before you get your a** in trouble.”
Me: “So, you’re going to throw me in jail for keeping you from breaking the law?”
Customer: *belches loudly, vomits a bit on his shirt, and leaves empty handed*
Me: “Good morning! ASU Information.”
Caller: “Umm, yeah, hi. Where am I?”
Me: “You have reached the ASU information desk. How can I help you?”
Caller: “No. I mean, like, where am I?”
Me: “Could you be more specific please?”
Caller: “Dude, I don’t know where I am. Can you find me?”
Me: “Are there people near you?”
Caller: “Um, yeah.”
Me: “Do any of them know where you are?”
Caller: “How do I find that out?”
Me: “Walk up to one of them, smile, and ask them if they know where you are.”
Caller: “Okay, thanks!” *fumbling around, muffled talking, phone beeping* “You are so awesome; it worked! Thanks!”
(In Canada, we charge five cents for each plastic bag used, which goes to environmental fees or charities. Every store except Walmart has charged for bags for 3-4 years now.)
Customer: “You guys charge for bags?! You’re kidding me!”
Me: “Yup, we do.”
Customer: “It’s ridiculous!”
Customer’s Daughter: “But mom, we’re not going to need bags anyway.”
Customer: “I know, but it’s just so greedy! I’m not going to shop at all these stores anymore if you guys keep charging for bags!”
Did you find this story on our World Environment Day roundup?
(A young man in his early 20s approaches the counter. He is dressed very much like a typical frat boy.)
Me: “Hi, welcome to [ice cream parlor]! What can I get for you today?”
Customer: “Yeah, can I get cotton candy and cake batter ice cream mixed together? And when you put it in the bowl, can you put the cone on top like a hat and make a smiley face out of gummy bears?”
Me: “Awww, sure! Who’s it for?”
Customer: *quite seriously* “Me!”
Me: “Awesome.”
