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The customer is NOT always right!

Born To Offend

, , , | Right | June 13, 2008

Me: “Hello, ma’am. How may I help you?”

Woman: “Oh, when is your baby due?”

Me: “I’m not pregnant, ma’am, just fat.”

Woman: “That’s very rude, you know. Pretending to be pregnant just so people can be nice to you!”

Me: *gritting teeth* “I am not pretending anything, ma’am, I promise you. Now, how may I help you?”

Woman: “No! You are a liar, and I am going somewhere where non-lying people can help me!”

Me: “Thank you, ma’am, and have a nice day.”

Woman: “LIAR!”

Was It Something I Said

, , , | Right | June 13, 2008

Me: “411 Information.”

Customer: “Wait a minute…”

*papers rustling around*

Customer: “I thought I had that here…”

*long pause, more rustling*

Customer: “Just a sec…”

*several seconds of silence*

Customer: “Never mind, you sound stupid.”

*hangs up*

Stuck On Fast Forward

, , | Right | June 12, 2008

Me: “Hi there, how are you today?”

Customer: “A medium popcorn.”

It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 2

, , , , | Right | June 12, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. What is the issue you’re calling about?”

Customer: “I can’t get Wi-Fi on my phone!”

Me: “Okay, what does the phone say when you try to connect?”

Customer: “It asks me for a password, but I don’t know the password!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s the password you set when you first got your router.”

Customer: “Router? What the heck is a router?”

Me: “It’s the little box you have connected to your Internet to enable Wi-Fi.”

Customer: “Why the heck would I have internet? I don’t even own a computer!”

Me: *sigh*

Just… Wow

, , , , | Right | June 12, 2008

Customer: “I want the cheesecake sandwich with provolone, double meat, and extra veggies.”

Me: “The cheesesteak already comes with double meat. It will be a few extra dollars if I add more. We don’t have provolone; what cheese would you like instead?”

Customer: “You’re kidding, right? I’m not paying $10 for a sandwich! And without provolone! Just give me the extra meat. You don’t have to weigh it exactly. No one will know!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”

(I weigh the meat to the correct portion and put it on the sandwich.)

Customer: “That’s too much meat! What are you doing?”

Me: “Actually, this is the correct portion. Would you like me to take some off?

Customer: “Only if you lower the price. I said add more meat, so ADD it! And why don’t you have provolone? [Competitor] has it… and where are the veggies?”

Me: “It typically doesn’t come with them, but I can add tomato, onions, lettuce, olives, or mushrooms.”

Customer: “I can only pick ONE?”

Me: “No… any or all of them.”

Customer: “All of those are gross! God, who would eat that?”

Me: “…so no veggies?”

Customer: “Are they free?”

Me: “Yes…”

Customer: “Put them all on, and I’ll just pick off whatever I don’t like.”

Me: “Okay, thank you…” *smiling, thinking it’s over*

(After I finish the sub, the customer argues with the cashier over the price of the sub, demanding a discount.)

Customer: “This place is so expensive and I can’t even get provolone! The veggies are all mixed together! This isn’t like [Competitor] at all! I didn’t even want half of them! Where is your manager?”

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “You again!”

(The customer makes a pissed-off face, and then opens the sub. They start picking it apart on the counter.)

Customer: “Your cashier is trying to ring me up, but that’s not the price! Refund me or I’m never coming here again!”

Me: “Actually, I just made that for you. You didn’t want the meat removed, so it is that price. I can remake it if you’d like, with less meat. Or would you still like a refund?”

Customer: “Never mind!” *throws sub in trash and leaves without paying*

(Just… wow.)