(I’m a cashier at an amusement park that has a special deal involving free unlimited drinks.)
Customer: “How many free, unlimited soft drinks can I have?”
Me: *thinking I misheard him* “How many free, unlimited soft drinks can you have?”
Customer: *nods*
Me: “Sir, since our soft drinks are both free and unlimited, you can have as many as you want.”
Customer: *visibly brightens* “Thanks!”
(The phone rings. I am on the sales floor in front of our tanks of fish for sale.)
Caller: “Hi, I need you to get on the computer and look up what fish you have and how much they are.”
Me: “I’d be glad to help you out. I’m standing right in front of the fish, so I can actually tell you right now how much they are and how many we have.”
Caller: “No, I need you to get on the computer and look it up. I can’t easily come down to the store, so I want to see how many of each fish you have and what the price is.”
Me: “What species were you looking for? I can just look and tell you how many we have and what the price is. It will be faster and more accurate than the inventory program, which I don’t have access to anyway.”
Caller: “You can’t get on the computer?”
Me: “No, ma’am, but I’d be happy to just look at the fish themselves. I can see how many we have in stock and give you the prices. What species were you looking for?”
Caller: “Never mind!” *hangs up*
Me: *speechless*
(I am working at a caramel apple stand at the local fair. A young girl approaches with her male friend.)
Me: “Hi, what can I get you?”
Customer #1: “Can I get a Coke?”
Customer #2: “Oh, no, come on! We agreed to be healthy.”
Customer #1: “It’s just a Coke.”
Customer #2: “Get a water.”
Customer #1: “I know, but I want the Coke.”
Customer #2: “You’ll regret it later. You know you will.”
Customer #1: “Fine. I’ll take a water, please.”
Customer #2: “See? So much healthier! And think of the calories you’re cutting!”
Customer #1: “Yeah, you’re right.”
Me: “Just the water then?”
Customer #2: “No, can we get two M&M caramel apples?”
(A customer is in the produce section and selects a 10 lb. bag of potatoes. She’ll actually save money if she buys two 5 lb. bags of potatoes, due to a buy one, get one free deal.)
Me: “Ma’am, our 5 lb. bags of potatoes are buy one, get one free this week.”
(The customer looks back and forth between her 10 lb. and the two 5lb. bags. She is clearly confused.)
Customer: “I’m sorry, but my family would never eat that many potatoes!”
(I’m working New Years Eve on the tills when three rather older women come into the store. After I serve them, the door alarm goes off right after they leave. My manager goes to investigate.)
Manager: “I’m sorry, ladies, but I’m going to need to check your bags and receipts in case you took something.”
Woman #1: “No, we didn’t take anything. We swear!”
Manager: “Well, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to ask you to come back into the store and your bags be searched.”
Woman #1: “No, we haven’t stolen! Look!”
(Suddenly, the women—all in their fifties at least—begin to lift up their long skirts and tops and pull down their bras a bit. Not finding anything, my manager lets them go and comes back into the store.)
Manager: “Thank God I get to go home and get drunk soon. I need a stiff whiskey to get those images out of my head!”
