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The customer is NOT always right!

Armageddon Shopping List: Holy Water, Crucifix, Tic Tac

, , , , | Right | June 18, 2008

(I am working at the express lane one Sunday morning, and this family comes in. They purchase a few things, and their total comes up to $6.66.)

Customer: *looks at total in horror and points to son* “Quick, get some candy, gum, anything!”

(His son then proceeds to throw a box of Tic Tacs at me.)

Customer: “I will not have the Devil’s number as my total!”

Me: “Thank you, sir. Have a nice day!”


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How To Lose Your Marbles In Style

, , , | Right | June 17, 2008

(Our store used to have a completely gutted 1957 Chevy truck as a centerpiece. It was part of the store’s trademark. Walking down the store past the truck, I am stopped by an old man.)

Me: “Sir?”

Old Man: “Young lady, how much are you selling this truck for?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, the truck isn’t for sale. It’s owned by [company].”

Old Man: “I’ll give you a hundred dollars for it.”

Me: “Sir, the truck is not for sale. I apologize.”

Old Man: “All right… I’ll give you two hundred!”

Me: “Sir, the truck is not for sale. And even if it was, it would be for a LOT more than $200.”

Old Man: “Yes, I suppose you’re right… SAY! SOMEONE STEALING, LOOK!” *points behind me*

(As I turn to look behind me, the man climbs the crates next to the truck, opens the driver’s seat door, and gets behind the wheel.)

Old Man: “WHOOOOOOOOO-HAW! CAN’T CATCH ME NOW, CAN YOU!” *swings steering wheel around and starts to make gun noises* “PEW PEW! PEW PEW!”

(Mall Security ended up being called after the old man was “trying” to run us over. I wish I was joking.)


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What Happens When You Assume

, , | Right | June 17, 2008

(I worked at a shop that did passport photos. There was a fifteen-minute wait on the pictures, so people normally just left and came back…)

Me: “That’ll be ready in fifteen minutes.”

Customer: “I’ll come back. Do you need my name?”

Me: “No, I don’t need it.”

Customer: “You little snot. It’s ’cause there’s a black man in here!”

Me: “Sir, I am not racist. ”

Customer: “Oh, sure you’re not, you racist snot.”

Me: “Sir, I have your picture. That’s why I do not need your name.”

(The customer walked out and I never saw him again.)

Make Coffee, Not War

, , , | Right | June 17, 2008

(I work at a coffee shop that is NOT a certain well-known coffee empire. Our company name is clearly displayed out front, on the menu, on the register, on our aprons and we generally don’t look a thing like the other company.)

Customer: “I’d like a medium mocha.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be $3.26.”

(The customer pays, and comes to the end of the bar to pick up her drink.)

Customer: “Wait a second. This isn’t Starbucks.”

Coworker: “Nope, we’re [Coffee Place].”

Customer: “Well, never mind. I wanted Starbucks. Give me my money back.”

Coworker: “I have your drink ready… Give it a taste, and if you still don’t like it, we’d be happy to refund your money. ”

Customer: “NO! Just give me my money back! This isn’t Starbucks! I wanted Starbucks!”

Me: “Um, okay…”


This story is part of the Obnoxious-Coffee-Orders roundup!

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Why The Pope And Dalai Lama Are Unlisted

, , , , | Right | June 17, 2008

(It is nearly Christmas, about 11 pm. The vicar has been out all day visiting elderly parishioners and has fallen asleep in front of the television. The phone rings.)

Me: “Hello. St. [Saint]’s vicarage. Can I help you?”

Man: “I need to speak to the vicar.”

Me: “I am afraid he is unavailable at the moment. Can I take a message?”

Man: “Can’t you contact him? This is really urgent.”

Me: “I am afraid I can only disturb him in an emergency. What is the problem? I am a reader.” *lay minister* “Perhaps I can help?”

Man: “I have this really deep theological question. I’m sure only the vicar can answer it.”

Me: “I do have a degree in theology, sir. I’m sure I can help.”

Man: “When is the Twelfth Day of Christmas?”

Me: “…?”

Man: “Are you there? I told you, only the vicar would know.”

Me: “It’s the fifth of January. The day before Epiphany.”

Man: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Definitely. Why do you need to know?”

Man: “Me and my mates are doing a pub quiz. It’s the one question we couldn’t answer. Thanks. Bye!”

Me: “…”


This story is part of the Christmas Day roundup!

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