(I’m working the third shift. The phone rings and my coworker answers it. As I’m stocking items, my coworker waves me over to the counter and hands me the phone.)

Me: *thinking it is a family member* “Hello?”

Guest: “Hello?”

Me: “This is the gift shop. How can I help you?”

Guest: “Yes, I’m waiting in line to get food right now, but we were just in there about two hours ago. I had a comp from the Player’s Club I wanted to use, and then pay the difference off with my card, but when I checked my bank account, my card had been charged the full amount.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that! Are you still here? If so, you can come back and I can fix that up for you.”

Guest: “No, that won’t be possible. I’m about an hour away now. I’m in line for a buffet, but I don’t even know if we have enough to even get something to eat now.”

Me: *not sure what she wants me to do* “So, what are you asking for, ma’am?”

Guest: “Can I get a refund?”

Me: “Not without the card physically in my hands, ma’am. I can take your comp back to the Player’s Club so it won’t go to waste if you’d like?”

Guest: “That won’t help my bank account!”

Me: “No, but it’s still worth over $20 in points, and I’d hate for you to be out of those points.”

Guest: “Is there anyone else there I can talk to?”

Me: “I’m sorry. It’s just me and my coworker. If you don’t mind, I could consult with my managers to see if we can fix something for you?”

Guest: “Please do! We’re in line and I’m still on the phone with my bank trying to fix things.”

Me: “All right, and again, I’m sorry. I’ll call you back soon.” *we both hang up and I go to call my manager*

Coworker: *interrupts me from calling* “Hold on; let me tell you what happened. This lady had a big family, and they just started piling stuff on the counter. They didn’t tell me they had a comp and I rung up the sale and cashed them out, okay? After they left, I found their comp folded up on the edge of the counter!”

Me: “Let me call [Manager] first and see what she says.”

(I call and she confirms what I already suspected; I can’t do a refund without the card physically present. But then, she caves in and says she will let me do the transaction over the phone, which is against policy. Of course, it will take a few business days for the money to go back into the guest’s account, so it won’t help her immediately, but she will definitely be getting the money back. I call the woman back.)

Me: “I spoke with my manager, and she said if you feel comfortable giving me your card number, I can redo the transaction over the phone, correcting it for you.”

Guest: “Oh, well, my bank is taking care of it for me.”

Me: *confused* “Your bank is taking care of it?”

Guest: “I think so.”

Me: “So, you’re sure your bank will reimburse you this money?”

Guest: “Yes.”

Me: “So, you don’t want the refund?”

Guest: “No. Well, the bank is taking care of it. I mean, I could still give you my number I guess, but everything should be fine now.”

Me: “If you say so, ma’am. I’m glad we could settle things for you.”

Guest: “Thank you!” *hangs up*

(I immediately run the forgotten comp slip back to the Player’s Club to be deposited back into the guest’s account, then jump back on the phone with my boss, relaying everything the guest told me.)

Manager: “…she what?!”

Me: “Yeah, she kept saying her bank was going to fix it. But the only way I could think of the bank fixing it is…”

Manager: “She’s trying to dispute the charge! Do you still have her number?”

Me: “Yep, right here.”

Manager: “Save it; I’ll call her in the morning.”

Me: “Careful, she’s f***ing nuts.”

Manager: “She must be!”

Me: *looks to my coworker* “She doesn’t want the refund, but she calls complaining she needs the refund that can’t help her out today anyway, gambles away her money, and says her family doesn’t have nearly enough to eat on.”

Coworker: “Then why the hell did they come to the casino in the first place?!”

Me: “Good evening, and thank you for calling [Big Name Pharmacy]. How can I help you?

Customer: “I need to identify a pill.”

Me: “Absolutely. Can you give me a description?”

Customer: “It’s a yellow, round pill with an ‘A’ on it. It’s pretty dirty, though.”

Me: “Oh, I really wouldn’t take any medication that appears damaged or contaminated.”

Customer: “No, it’s okay. I found it on the ground outside.”

Me: *professionalism waning* “Uh… what? You found it where?”

Customer: “I found it on the… the street just now, and I want to make sure it’s okay to take.”

Me: *professionalism out the window* “Do you usually eat random s*** off the street?!”

Customer: *hangs up*

(I work in a large kitchen and bath fixture showroom. A customer walks in wanting to check out a shower set.)

Customer: *points at a shower set* “How much is this?”

Me: “Do you know which finish you would like it in? Each finish will be a different price. Also, are you doing a remodel or a replacement?”

Customer: *glares at me* “I want the price of this exact one. And that is none of your business.”

Me: “Great, that is a lovely color choice for that set. Unfortunately, I have to ask that question, because showers are controlled by brand-specific valves in the wall. This shower will not work witho—”

Customer: “I don’t care. What is the price?”

(I tell her the price for the set, explaining that it is a specialty color that needs to be ordered, which should only take a few days.)

Customer: “Yeah, whatever. Write down that price for me.”

(I write down the price and make of the fixtures, as well as the color she is looking at, and hand it to her.)

Me: “Now, I do want to specify that if you do not buy the valves, the shower won’t work.”

Customer: “We all know that is a lie.” *rolls eyes* “You just want more money from us, even though you overcharge.”

Me: “We work off of manufacturing prices here, but each brand really does have their own valve—”

Customer: “Just stop talking. I am really done with your lies. Now, I want this shower. When will it get here?”

Me: “Would you like to order it today?”

Customer: *glaring at me* “Are you stupid? I have my receipt right now.”

(She waves the handwritten paper in my face that is obviously in no way an order form. I never gave any indication that it was. She merely asked for the price.)

Me: “Ma’am, that is just pricing.”

Customer: “What are you talking about now?”

Me: “Ma’am, you asked for a price. What you are holding is a price.”

Customer: “Well, order it then!”

Me: “If you would like to have a seat—”

Customer: “Just order it!”

Me: “Okay, I need a full name and phone number.”

Customer: “Those are private.”

Me: “Um, well, I need to put them in our system. That way, when the order comes in, I have a way to contact you.”

Customer: “That is not true. I order things all the time and they never ask for my number.”

Me: “Ma’am, how else would we be able to contact you when your order has arrived?”

Customer: “I am uncomfortable with your handling my information. I am going to go somewhere else.”

Me:.”…..”

(Two weeks later, I get a phone call:)

Customer: “Where is my order?!”

Me: “Ma’am, you never placed an order.”

Customer: “I have a receipt!”

Me: “Ma’am, you have a price. I asked for your information, but you left before anything could be ordered.”

Customer: “You should have ordered it anyway!”

Me: “Ma’am, no money was put down, so it was not possible for anything to be ordered. Half of the cost must be put down first. You informed me that you were going to order elsewhere.”

Customer: “This is extortion!”

Me: “Ma’am, I never took money from you.”

(The customer hangs up. She came back in three days later, and still didn’t buy anything after another employee informed her she needed to purchase the right valves so that her shower would work.)

(I am working self-checkout at the time of this order. An older gentleman, probably around his early 80s, is having difficulty putting the cash into the bill slot, so I walk over to help him.)

Me: “Hello, sir, did you need any help with that?”

Customer: “Yes, I just can’t figure out where to put my money.”

(I hold my hand out for the money and put it in for him. The machines take the money very quickly, so I make a seemingly innocent comment as joke.)

Me: “Well, that certainly sucked it back very quickly, didn’t it?”

Customer: “Yeah, just like my wife!”

(I didn’t know what to say, so I just told him to have a good day and walked back to my till.)

(I am working the register. A woman approaches to return two items: ribbon and a five-pound bag of decor rocks. I scan the slip, and it says that I cannot return the rocks, as they were purchased as a clearance item.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I can return the ribbon, but I cannot return the rocks because they were bought on clearance.”

Customer: “But I don’t need them.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the register will not let me.”

Customer: *incoherent mumble*

(I process the return of the ribbon as normal, with no other issues.)

Me: “Here you are.” *hands her the bag with her return slip and the non-returnable rocks*

Customer: *throws the bag back at me, hitting me in the chest and chin with five pounds of rocks* “UGH! I said throw them away! I don’t want them, and I am not taking it home!”

(She stomps off.)

Me: *to next customer* “Want a bag of rocks?”