(In my store, we have some cheaper movies that we sell for buy-two-get-one-free, as long as they are under a certain price range. A couple are shopping for a few films.)

Me: “Hello there. Is there anything I can help you guys find today?”

Husband: “We came in earlier and bought [Film], and we just came back for [Sequel], and we’re just looking around a bit.”

Me: “I’m glad we had the movies you’re looking for! Also, keep in mind that all the movies on these racks are buy-two-get-one-free, so if you decide to pick up another movie with [Sequel], you can get a third for free.”

Wife: “How does that work?”

Me: “We just have a deal on all our movies that are under $5 for buy-two-get-one-free.”

Husband: “But how would that work? Do we have to pay for all three, then?”

Wife: “Doesn’t that make the rest of the movies more expensive?”

Me: “Um… No, it just makes some movies that aren’t worth too much a better deal.”

Wife: “But what happens if we only buy two?”

Me: “Then they would be the full price of just the two movies, but if you’re getting two you might as well get a third one for free.”

Husband: “I don’t have the money for three, though!”

(This continued on for another five minutes before eventually I kind of gave up on trying to explain how the sale worked. They bought three movies, were surprised how cheap they were, and left.)

(I work at a gas station in a small town, so we see a lot of regulars — in this case, two Hispanic men. They walk in and start talking to each other in Spanish as I’m ringing up an older woman.)

Customer: “Can you believe these Mexicans? They come here illegally, take all our jobs, and leave none for us real Americans.”

(She goes off on a rant, and the two regulars are standing behind her listening to every word she says. One shakes his head at me calmly and I keep quiet.)

Customer: “…and they don’t even speak English.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s too bad. Here’s your change. Have a nice day!”

(She is nearly out the door when one of the regulars stops her.)

Regular: *in fluent English* “Excuse me, miss! You left your cigarettes on the counter.”

(He goes to hand them to her, and she looks like she’s about to pass out from either rage or embarrassment. She turns and leaves without taking her cigarettes.)

Me: “Way to handle a bad situation. I was ready to kick her out.”

Regular: “I don’t think she was right in the head. She needs a doctor, not a scene… And I got a free pack of cigarettes.”

(Guests at our restaurant check out at registers in the front of the building, not at the table.)

Me: *noticing she only had coffee* “How was your coffee today?”

Guest: “Fine, but I do have a complaint.”

Me: “Oh, no, what happened?”

Guest: “Well, when I sat down, I told the waitress I was only having coffee, and they kept asking me if I wanted food. Am I not allowed to just have coffee?”

Me: “Of course you can have just coffee. They were just trying to give you the best service possible. A lot of people say they’re just having coffee and end up eating anyway.”

Guest: “Yes, but I told her I was only having coffee, and three times someone came by and asked me if I wanted food. I just thought it was so rude, and so I’m not leaving a tip.”

Me: *pause* “Okay. I’ll let my manager know.”

(I am waiting to be served in a department store and there is an elderly gentleman at the counter in front of me. It quickly becomes obvious he is having a store card problem.)

Assistant #1: “I’m sorry, but we don’t deal with the card in store; it is all dealt with by [Credit Company], so I’m afraid I can’t help you. You need to call them directly, sorry.”

Customer: “But I paid it off in full, and I have now received a letter telling me the minimum payment is overdue and they will be passing my details on to debt collecting agency if I don’t pay it in seven days.”

Assistant #1: “I understand your frustration, sir, but as I said, you need to call them directly.”

Customer: “Why won’t you call them for me and talk to them?”

Assistant #1: “Because it is your account and they won’t talk to me.”

Customer: “It’s not my account; it belongs to my lady friend.”

Assistant #1: “Then she needs to call them and give them permission to talk to you.”

Customer: “So, you can call them and I can give you permission?”

Assistant #1: “I’m sorry, but the lady in question is the only one that can give the permission to them.”

Customer: “That’s why I want to speak to a manager; they can do this for me.”

Assistant #1: “I’m afraid she isn’t in today, as I have already explained, and she would tell you exactly the same information as I have.”

Customer: “But this is ridiculous. You should be able to help me.”

Assistant #1: “I’m sorry, but the card is provided by a third party; therefore, there is nothing I can do except advise your friend to contact the company via the number in the letter.”

(It is obvious that this is going to go on for a while longer and I seek out another till to pay at. The poor woman is being constantly polite, but I can sense her growing frustration at him not listening to her. I pay for my goods and then explain to the assistant what is taking place at the other till point.)

Assistant #2: “Should I go over and offer assistance?”

Me: “She is handling it well, but I work in retail, and I think she may be now fighting the urge to slap him.”

Assistant #2: *laughs* “I’ll go over and check in a few minutes that she is okay, and offer my assistance if she needs it.”

(I thanked her and went on my way. Some people really don’t listen to a word you say; I believe they think we say things like this to make our jobs harder so as to not help them!)

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 80
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 79
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 78

(We’re on a ghost tour at a very well-known haunted hotel in east Texas. Most of us are enjoying the stories that our guide is sharing with us, except for one idiot who keeps being a disruption by criticizing the stories and complaining to her friend, who has looked more annoyed with her than the rest of us. So far, the guide has ignored her and has done a great job of giving us a tour. Then we get to a particularly well-known room.)

Guide: “Most people know this room for a famous director who came through the town on his way to direct a nearby movie. He swore woke up in the middle of the night and saw someone not only sitting in the rocking chair at the end of his bed, but saw the person moving the chair. When he got up, the chair continued to rock, even though the person was no longer there.”

Rude Woman: “Could have been air. Oh, my God.”

Guide: “The director was so upset, he left the same night. He refused to come back for his stuff, he was so distraught, so he had someone else pick it up for him.”

Rude Woman: “Bet he was dreaming it.” *goes off into a small tangent to her friend, who tells her to be quiet*

Guide: “People still hear voices in here when no one is booked in this room. The toilets flush on their own and people even have complained of being touched or having the sheets pulled off their bed at random. There’s one particular ghost that likes to pinch. He’s been known to seek out women with long hair.”

Rude Woman: “Oh, my God, stupid people around here.”

(The guide starts to guide us out of the room, leaving the rude woman alone to complain to her friend. All of a sudden, she screams and jumps forward. No one was behind her at the time, and there was no furniture she could have leaned against for her to say:)

Rude Woman: “Someone just grabbed my butt! I swear, someone grabbed me!” *hurries out of the room* “This is not funny! I’m done with this stupid tour.”

Guide: “Could have been air.”

(All of us laughed and continued the tour without the rude woman. It was much better after that.)