(I am working in retail in an area with a lot of tourists.)

Customer: “Do you have any Blackhawks hats?”

Me: “No, sir, I do not have any, but we can order one online.”

Customer: “I am real tired of coming down to Florida and not being able to buy Chicago stuff down here. I think I need to speak to a manager.”

(I am only 22 years old, keep clean-shaven, and look extremely young. I have very recently been promoted to store manager.)

Me: “I am the manager, sir.”

Customer: “No, I said the store manager.”

Me: “Well, sir, today happens to be your lucky day, because I am the store manager.”

Customer: “Well, if this is how this store will operate, I am leaving and complaining.”

(The gentleman then proceeded towards the door and stopped to ask an associate for the manager. After the associate indicated I was, the customer yelled, “Well, isn’t that convenient?!” and then left.)

(I make fudge in an open kitchen in a candy shop. There are low walls so I can see customers and they can see me, and there’s a roped doorway which has been left open today. Currently, I’m cutting a batch of fudge I just made.)

Customer: *walks casually into kitchen*

Me: “I’m sorry, no customers are allowed.”

Customer: *keeps walking despite my repeated protests, picks up a piece of fudge and calmly eats it*

Me: “You can’t do that!”

Customer: “I just did.” *walks out*

(I’m returning to a donut shop that got my order wrong after I ordered food and a non-coffee drink. Mind you, this is not a coffee shop, but a true donut shop.)

Me: “Hi. I just got a frozen hot chocolate and it had coffee in it. I had said no coffee.”

Worker #1: “What do you mean? You asked for a frozen mocha. We swirl mocha into it to make it sweet.”

Me: “I specifically asked for no coffee. I hate coffee, I despise it, and I would never order something with coffee in it.”

Worker #1: “[Worker #2], we need a frozen mocha!”

Me: “FROZEN HOT CHOCOLATE! NO COFFEE!”

Worker #1: “But then it won’t be as sweet.”

Me: “I don’t care. I’ve had this dozens of times, and I like it as it is without the coffee.”

(It took another two minutes, but I finally got my frozen hot chocolate, free of coffee. I can accept mistakes, but he was seriously fighting with me over what I wanted versus what he thought I wanted.)

(Guests at our restaurant check out at registers in the front of the building, not at the table.)

Me: *noticing she only had coffee* “How was your coffee today?”

Guest: “Fine, but I do have a complaint.”

Me: “Oh, no, what happened?”

Guest: “Well, when I sat down, I told the waitress I was only having coffee, and they kept asking me if I wanted food. Am I not allowed to just have coffee?”

Me: “Of course you can have just coffee. They were just trying to give you the best service possible. A lot of people say they’re just having coffee and end up eating anyway.”

Guest: “Yes, but I told her I was only having coffee, and three times someone came by and asked me if I wanted food. I just thought it was so rude, and so I’m not leaving a tip.”

Me: *pause* “Okay. I’ll let my manager know.”

(It’s the day after Hurricane Hermine has finished dumping tons of rain on my area — bad flooding, power outages, etc. I work in a restaurant that has just opened at 6:00 am when a customer comes in.)

Customer: “If I show you a picture, can you tell me if you’ve seen this woman?”

Me: “Sure.”

(In the process he receives a phone call.)

Customer: “You found her? Where was she?!”

(The person on the phone responds, but I can’t hear.)

Customer: “YOU MEAN I WAS DRIVING AROUND WITH HER IN THE BACK OF THE TRUCK?!”

Me: *after he leaves* “What just happened?”