Moaning To Wake The Dead

(We’re on a ghost tour at a very well-known haunted hotel in east Texas. Most of us are enjoying the stories that our guide is sharing with us, except for one idiot who keeps being a disruption by criticizing the stories and complaining to her friend, who has looked more annoyed with her than the rest of us. So far, the guide has ignored her and has done a great job of giving us a tour. Then we get to a particularly well-known room.)

Guide: “Most people know this room for a famous director who came through the town on his way to direct a nearby movie. He swore woke up in the middle of the night and saw someone not only sitting in the rocking chair at the end of his bed, but saw the person moving the chair. When he got up, the chair continued to rock, even though the person was no longer there.”

Rude Woman: “Could have been air. Oh, my God.”

Guide: “The director was so upset, he left the same night. He refused to come back for his stuff, he was so distraught, so he had someone else pick it up for him.”

Rude Woman: “Bet he was dreaming it.” *goes off into a small tangent to her friend, who tells her to be quiet*

Guide: “People still hear voices in here when no one is booked in this room. The toilets flush on their own and people even have complained of being touched or having the sheets pulled off their bed at random. There’s one particular ghost that likes to pinch. He’s been known to seek out women with long hair.”

Rude Woman: “Oh, my God, stupid people around here.”

(The guide starts to guide us out of the room, leaving the rude woman alone to complain to her friend. All of a sudden, she screams and jumps forward. No one was behind her at the time, and there was no furniture she could have leaned against for her to say:)

Rude Woman: “Someone just grabbed my butt! I swear, someone grabbed me!” *hurries out of the room* “This is not funny! I’m done with this stupid tour.”

Guide: “Could have been air.”

(All of us laughed and continued the tour without the rude woman. It was much better after that.)