(I’m one of the two managers on duty at a pet store, and I have just stepped out of the office near the registers. The other manager is nearby and talking with one of our groomers, but I glance up when I see a male customer leave the building and suddenly come stomping back in.)

Customer: *yelling at my male cashier* “Did you just whistle at me?”

Cashier: “No?”

(The customer barges into my cashier’s space at the register, getting inches from his face, yelling about his attitude, and I rush in to intervene. Though I’m female and far smaller than my cashier, I try to step in between them.)

Me: “Is there a problem?”

Customer: *ignores me and keeps yelling at my cashier* “Where’s your manager?”

Me: “I’m a manager. What’s the problem?”

Customer: *finally directs his anger at me* “Do you let all your employees behave like that?”

Me: “Behave like what? What happened?”

(The customer seems to realize that he actually doesn’t have an answer to my question, and he storms back out of the store. At first, I’m glad to see him leave, but then my cashier decides to be really stupid.)

Cashier: *cheerfully and loudly* “Good-BYE!”

(I groan inwardly. Sure enough, the customer comes storming back in again.)

Customer: *at me* “Do you seriously let your employees behave like this? Being all smarta**?”

(I just want the guy out of my store so I don’t have to explain to the police why he and my cashier got into a fistfight. By now, the other manager has reached the register and seems to silently agree with me.)

Me: “No, sir.”

Other Manager: “Not at all, sir.”

Cashier: *cheerfully* “What did I do?”

Customer: *making wild and threatening gestures at my cashier* “You! Stop talking! I’ve had it with your attitude!”

Cashier: *still smiling* “I didn’t do anything wrong!”

Me: “[Cashier], shut up.”

Other Manager: “We’ll deal with [Cashier], sir.”

(The customer continues to rant about our cashier’s attitude, the other manager and I keep attempting to placate him, and our cashier continues to butt into the conversation, which riles the customer up and starts the cycle all over. After a few rounds of back-and-forth, the other manager and I win out. The customer finally leaves.)

Me: *spinning to practically snarl at my cashier* “The guy was a huge jerk, but you were not helping!”

(Right on cue, the work phone rang. I was the unlucky one who answered, and sure enough, I had to endure another earful from the same customer about “that kid with the attitude.” The cashier ended up quitting for unrelated reasons a few weeks later to sell home security systems. We heard he nearly got in another fist fight on one of his first days. Also, that “whistle” the customer heard? We puzzled out later that it wasn’t the cashier; it was the other manager’s ringtone.)

(I work in a call center for a bank. I get asked so many stupid, asinine questions. This old guy calls in about a letter he received.)

Customer: “Yeah, you people sent me an envelope and I don’t know what for.”

Me: “Um, do you mean like a piece of mail?”

Customer: “Well, yeah, I guess.”

Me: “Okay, and what does it say?”

Customer: “I didn’t open it; I don’t know.”

Me: “Is it addressed to your name?”

Customer: “Yes. It’s a white envelope. It has the weird edges.” *talking about the envelopes with ridges that fold down to tear open*

Me: “Okay, well, I’m not sure, but you could probably just open it.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, I’ll do that next time. I threw it out.”

(He didn’t even still have the d*** thing. I can’t even.)

(I work at a very popular maternity store. It has numerous stores across North America.)

Me: “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I would like to make a return.”

Me: “Sure, let me see what you have.”

(I pull out an obviously-worn pair of underwear.)

Me: “Umm, there are no tags on these and they are obviously worn. Unfortunately, I will not be able to refund you for these.”

Customer: “Why not? I only wore them for one day and I don’t like how they feel.”

Me: “Ma’am, it is a serious health violation for me to accept this return. I can show you some different options, though.”

Customer: *screams and starts yelling* “Fine! I will never shop here again, and I hope you rot in h***!”

(The customer storms out, and the manager comes out.)

Manager: “What just happened?”

Me: “She tried to return dirty underwear!”

Manager: “Ugh, that’s the fourth this week.”

(I’m the manager on duty. A couple of young women are filling out applications, not eating or drinking, and two of their friends come in to eat. The friends pay, get their food off the buffet, and sit at a table by themselves. The two applicants get up to go sit with them. After a while, I come around a corner and see one of the applicants walk from the front register area carrying a paper cup which we give out only for a purchased soft drink. Suspicious, I ask the cashier:)

Me: “Did you ring up that girl for a drink?”  

Cashier: “No, I wasn’t near the register. You didn’t, either?”

Me: “No.”

(I walk over to the table as the two applicants are about to rush out.)

Me: “Excuse me, did you get someone to ring you up for that drink?”

Girl: “Umm…” *nods her head*

Me: “Who? The cashier says she didn’t and it wasn’t me, either.”

Girl: *smiles and shrugs*

Me: “What makes you think you can get free drinks here?”

Girl: “…”

(I took the drink out of her hand and threw it in the trash while her friends burst out laughing. She walked out like nothing had happened. Normally, I would have made her pay, but I just wanted her gone. And I threw out her application.)

(A woman has stood a little off the registers staring at the menu boards. We’ve just left her to decide, assuming she will step forward when she is ready. She finally does.)

Me: “Hi! What can I get you?”

Customer: “Where’s my food?”

Me: “Did you order already?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “What did you order?”

Customer: “Do I really have to say it again?!”

Me: “Sorry, it’s just that I have been here the entire time, and all you’ve done is stand there for ten minutes and then come to me.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not leaving without my food. I want it for free, as well. The service here stinks!”

(I call a manager and try to explain, but she persists that she did order and that I’m just being rude and lazy. The manager goes into the office just off to the side of the registers and checks the camera footage.)

Manager: “Sorry, I have just checked the last half hour. You came in, stood a metre back from where you are, and stared at the menu. That’s all you did. You haven’t ordered.”

(The woman’s eyes lose focus temporarily and then snap back.)

Customer: “Oh, I guess I was daydreaming.”

(She then left without another word.)