Masticating Morons

| | Right | May 27, 2009

(A customer walks up to the retail counter with about 70 packs of gum in a canvas shopping bag.)

Me: “Hello, will this be everything for you today?”

Customer: *panicked* “Do you think it will be enough?!”

Me: “Er…enough for what?”

Customer: “For the exam!” *leans forward* “I plan to write my essay one letter at a time on each piece of gum. As I’m taking the exam, I’ll stick them on the desk in front of me, in order. It’s genius!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but that will fail on so many different levels.”

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A Whole Lotta Latte

| | Right | May 27, 2009

Customer: “Could I have a mug of chino?”

Me: “…sorry, a what?”

Customer: “Mug of chino. I don’t think a cup of chino is enough.”

Me: “…a cappuccino?”

Customer: “No, a mug of it.”

Me: “…”

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A Vanessa By Any Other Name

| | Right | May 27, 2009

(As I’m ringing an elderly lady’s groceries through, she reads my name tag incorrectly.)

Customer: “Vanessa…Vanessa! That’s such a lovely name.”

Me: “Oh? Yeah, it is.”

Customer: “Vanessa! Vanessa! Vanessa! Vanessa!”

Me: “It’s great, but I’m not–”

Customer: “Your mother has such good taste! Van-ESSA!”

Me: “Thank you, but–”

Customer: “I bet, when you were young, she’d say things like ‘Vanessa! Get over here! You’re such a naughty girl!'”

Me: “Um, something like that…”

Customer: “Well, you have a great day Vanessa!”

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Backordered Compliments

| | Right | May 27, 2009

Customer: “Hey, how good is this book?” *holds a fantasy book*

Me: “I don’t know, I haven’t read it. But you might want to start with the first one in the series, if we have it right now…”

Customer: “You haven’t read it? You’re gotta be kidding me! Really, they hire anyone these days. I guess I’ll try it, then. You said it’s not the first
one?”

Me: “No, and it seems that we don’t have the first book in this series. If you want, you can leave your name and number and we will call you if someone sells it.”

Customer: “No, no, that will be fine. I’ll just come back. When will you get it?”

Me: “I don’t know, sir. We’re a used books store. We only get books when people sell them to us.”

Customer: “I know that, I’m not stupid! When will someone sell you this book?”

Me: “I don’t know, sir.”

Customer: *rolls his eyes* “I can’t believe they hired you. I bet it’s only because you’re pretty!”

Me: “Er…thanks, I guess?”

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The Best Of Intentions, The Worst Of Retentions

| | Right | May 26, 2009

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello ma’am, this is **** Bookstore. I’m calling to let you know the book you ordered has come in.”

Customer: “What? You’re who?”

Me: “This is **** Bookstore. You ordered a book from us and it’s here.”

Customer: “I ordered a book?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “I don’t remember ordering anything.”

Me: “The order sticker says you ordered it last week. The title is Improving Your Memory.”

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