I have been dealing on and off with unemployment agencies for seven years since I first had an autistic burnout. Every year, some office or another office makes an attempt to get me back into the workforce, cuts corners with my needs, and places me in jobs that cause me to shut down again and have the agencies going, “Oh, you are not fit for work yet, it seems. Here, have another year on welfare and we’ll try again then.”

Rinse and repeat for seven years, and what you get is a whole lot of frustration and distrust in the system. At this point, volunteer jobs won’t even have me because I can’t hit the ground running and need patience and training. Needless to say, I’m exhausted with this way of dealing with things, and every time I’m expected to go back into another round of job hunting, I’m literally terrified. 

I got a new job coach this year. I knew him from a government-issued workplace I went to when I first got unemployed, and he seems like a good guy. During multiple appointments, he hears my story, sympathizes, and assures me that even though he’s working for a “big, bad unemployment agency”, he wants me to see him separately from that, and he assures me again and again that he has a heart for my cause.

Because of my long and disappointing history with unemployment dealings, he agrees with me that he will take on all the preliminary work when reaching out to new employers to save me stress and frustration. He instructs me to send him a list of companies I am willing to work for. I am aiming for small, privately owned shops at the moment.

A day after I send him my list, I get a phone call from him. 

Job Coach: “Hey, [My Name], good news! I reached out to one of those shops on your list, and they have an opening. It’s that tea and chocolate shop you told me you like so much. We are going there tomorrow to meet with them. How’s that for fast work, huh?”

Me: “Oh, my God, that’s wonderful! What time are we expected?”

Job Coach: “About 1:00 pm. I’ll pick you up at home beforehand. See ya!”

I’m ecstatic. I text all my friends and family that I might finally have a break in my luck and I have a meeting with a potential new employer. The next day comes, and I wait anxiously for my job coach to arrive.

He only does so at 1:00 pm — the time when I thought we had the appointment with the store. I meet him at the door and ask him about this strange planning.

Me: “I thought we were supposed to be there at 1:00, not that you would pick me up at 1:00.”

Job Coach: “Oh, we’re not really on a schedule today, really.”

Me: “How so? Didn’t we have an appointment with the people of the shop?”

Job Coach: “Appointment? Where did you get that idea? No, we were just going to check the place out. Feel the vibe and such and see if it suits you. I never said anything about an appointment.” 

I feel my insides deflate. I was excited about finally having a way in, but it seems I have nothing yet after all. 

Me: “Well, that’s a bit unnecessary. This shop was at the top of my list because I know the place. I get my tea there regularly — I told you that. I know the vibe. I thought you got me a way in?”

He shakes his head and smiles like it’s an obvious oversight.

Job Coach: “No, that’s getting ahead of things.”

Me: “I thought you called them to see if they had an opening? And what else?”

Job Coach: “I didn’t call them. I let my supervisor do that, and I don’t remember exactly what they told her. You’d have to call her to hear what has exactly been said, but as far as I know, we’re only taking a look today.”

Me: “Why did you let your supervisor do that?”

Job Coach: “You know, that whole mediating between client and employer isn’t really my scene, so I let others do that.”

Hearing that, I’m about to explode, but I try to hold back on account of being brushed off as unmanageable for the umpteenth time in my life. He notices that I’m seething.

Job Coach: “I see you have some things you want to say to me. It’s okay; lay it on me. I can handle it.”

So, I go out on a full tangent, telling him it is literally his job to mediate for me. Then, I try to get a hold of his supervisor. It takes a while for her to answer the phone, but eventually, she tells me the same thing: that she only called to see if they had an opening and I must have misunderstood things. I have her on speakerphone while I chew out my job coach, reminding him that he knows how sick and tired I am of being aimlessly dragged around from one hopeless venture to the next. I’ve told him many times before that I need something concrete and realistic, and I’m done being dragged around to only look at “maybes”. I tell him to his face that no matter how good he claims his intentions to be, he has royally f***ed up.  

Job Coach: “I don’t like the attitude you have toward me right now. I don’t deserve that. I don’t know you like that, [My Name]. This is uncalled for.”

Me: “No! This is what seven years of dealing with incompetent coaches who can’t communicate clearly to save their lives looks like! You told me to lay it on you. I have. You can’t expect to take on a case like mine and not have a near decade of backed-up frustration to navigate around. You promised me you’d try to do better than all those before you, and our first dealing together is already loaded with miscommunication, false hope, uncertainty, and a general disregard for my needs. And you even dare to tell me that doing your actual job for me isn’t ‘your scene’. I don’t know where you get the sheer nerve. Do. Better.”

He stands there, just staring at me for a moment.

Job Coach: *Absolutely deadpan* “I want tea.”

Me: “…excuse me?”

Job Coach: “I want tea. We were going to a tea shop. I’m getting myself a bag of tea. You can come along if you like. Or stay home and have wasted this day. But I’m getting tea.”

I was so baffled that I found myself begrudgingly getting into his car, and we went to the shop. He pretended that the whole row hadn’t happened, and he talked about how nice a place this could be for me. He did try to get me an interview a week later, but the shop honestly told him that they needed someone who could hit the ground running because the holidays were coming up, but I was free to try again once the place calmed down come January when they had the time and space to give me the training I need. 

I’m still not sure whether to fire him or not.

In 2006, I started working for a large nationwide mortgage company. When I went to the interview, they gave the impression that it was an easygoing, fun place to work. That day happened to be “nerd” day. Many of the employees were dressed like stereotypical nerds. I had just come from a company with a similar atmosphere, so I thought this was the place for me.

We had eight weeks of training. My job was to help people who already had loans with the company by answering questions or sometimes taking loan payments over the phone. What I didn’t know was that we were also expected to get them to agree to a transfer to a sales agent so they could talk them into refinancing, getting a home equity loan, or even better, getting a whole new loan. We got a bonus if the person we transferred agreed to one of these.

After a few months, I realized that, despite their claims of high ethical standards, there was something sleazy going on. I was making more money than I ever had before, we had a party and/or theme day at least once a month, and we had every holiday off with pay. But still, something wasn’t right.

After nine months, I found another job at less pay but closer to home, and it had no sleazy feeling, so I quit. Within a few months, the mortgage company was in big trouble for their loan practices, the CEO went to prison, and the company was dissolved.

I was never happier that I had left a job with great pay. If you are wondering, the company was Countrywide Home Loans, a primary contributor to the housing price collapse in 2007.

I’m shopping, and I see a customer walk up to the aisle with our dinner sets and ceramics. He takes a bowl from the shelf and inspects it, and then he proceeds to do the following actions, all using unpaid items from their cart.

He takes an antiseptic wipe and wipes the bowl down. Then, he opens a box of cereal and pours it into the bowl. Then, he opens some milk and pours it into the bowl! Then, he takes one of the loose spoons from the shelf, wipes it, too, and starts to eat the cereal!

He does all of this without rushing or looking around nervously. He’s acting like this is the most normal behavior in the world. I’m so stunned that I go and tell an employee about what I just saw.

Employee: “You must be mistaken.”

Me: “I assure you, I know what I saw.”

I bring them back over to see the customer pouring himself ANOTHER bowl. The employee marches up to him.

Employee: “Excuse me, what are you doing?!”

Customer: “What does it look like? I’m eating cereal.”

Employee: “With items you’re planning to pay for?”

Customer: *Chewing on cereal* “Why would I do that?”

Employee: “Because… you’re using it?”

Customer: “You only pay for stuff you leave the store with, right?”

Employee: “No, you pay for stuff you use.”

Customer: *Pointing to a sign at the exit* “That says that customers are not allowed to leave with unpaid merchandise. I am not leaving with unpaid merchandise.”

Employee: “You’re also not allowed to consume unpaid merchandise.”

Customer: *Chowing down on another spoon of cereal* “Sign doesn’t say that.”

Employee: “The sign also doesn’t say we will prosecute thieves, but we will.”

The customer simply continues chewing and smiles.

The employee then walks away with me and calls over security. Security then informs the customer that he needs to pay for what he has used. When the customer refuses, the police are then called, but by this time, the customer is making his way to the exit. Because his attitude pisses me off, I follow him out and write down his license plate.

Customer: “What are you doing?!”

Me: “Writing down your license plate to give to the police when they arrive!”

Customer: “You can’t do that!”

Me: “Show me a sign where it says I can’t do that.”

He glared at me but didn’t stop me. He drove off, and I gave the information to the police when they eventually arrived.

This happened in my current English class. We have a project for character analysis. We get to pick the character, as long as they are from a book we haven’t read yet and said book isn’t a graphic novel. I have been meaning to get around to reading an English translation of “Journey To The West” for a while, so I think this is the perfect chance. We have weeks before the project is due, and I happen to be a fast reader.

“Journey To The West” is a rather popular Chinese novel that was written in the sixteenth century. If you haven’t heard of the novel, you might have heard of the most popular character from the novel, despite not being the main protagonist: Sun Wukong, the Monkey King. I’ve decided to pick him for my project.

I’m reading in the school’s library, purposely sitting in the “quiet zone” as I get easily annoyed with people talking while I’m trying to read.

These three boys, obviously friends, sit down at the table and start chatting. Okay, I’m a bit peeved. I recognize them from my English class, too. We’ll call them [Boy #1], [Boy #2] and [Boy #3].

Soon, they turn their attention to me, and since obviously I’m trying to read, they start asking me questions to get a reaction. I give the driest, short responses I can and hope they’ll get bored. Eventually, [Boy #2] asks what I’m reading.

Me: “Journey To The West.”

Boy #2: “Oh, I’m reading that, too.”

[Boy #1] snickers, finding this hilarious.

I don’t believe a word he says, but I’m not going to throw out any accusations.

Me: “Uh-huh.”

Boy #3: “I’ve already finished it. The ending sucks.”

Again, I don’t believe a word.

Me: “Does it now?”

Boy #3: “Yeah, the main character dies.”

I’m slightly amused at this point, really annoyed, but amused by how far these guys are going with the lie.

Me: *Desperately trying to keep my tone flat* “Good, I hated him.”

The three guys burst into laughter. They leave after a few more “spoilers” for the book. I’m left to read in peace for a few more minutes before my next class starts, a small plan half-forming in my mind.

Skip to English class the next day.

Teacher: “Okay, class! I’m going to call a few people out to tell us about the character they’re analyzing and the book they’re from. Remember, no judgment! Let’s see…”

She goes on calling on a few students. I really don’t like answering questions in class due to anxiety, and the teacher is familiar with this, but she does have to be fair, so eventually, I do get called on.

Teacher: “[My Name], who’s your character?”

Me: “Oh. Sun Wukong, from Journey To The West.”

Teacher: “That’s quite a long read. Do you know anyone else who’s read it? I don’t know if you’ll be able to complete the book in time, so maybe there’s someone who can fill you in on details?”

I start to shake my head, but I pause.

Me: “I think [Boy #3] told me he finished it.”

The expression of confusion on [Boy #3]’s face then slowly turned to one that said, “Oh, s***.”

Totally worth getting called on.

Sadly, the teacher didn’t ask him much about it, and [Boy #3] just gave really vague answers on when he’d read the book and if he’d read it at all.

He and his friends haven’t messed with me since, though!

I have to tell SOMEBODY about this, because it’s been making my skin crawl since it happened.

I was lying on the beach yesterday at a nice resort in Aruba. I wasn’t fully asleep, but I had my eyes closed, beach hat over my face, and earbuds in my ears.

I was listening to a book, so I couldn’t hear well, but I felt someone near me and heard the muffled sound of someone speaking to me. I removed the hat from my face and saw the drink waitress standing there. I hadn’t heard what she said, but I assumed she’d just asked if I wanted anything to drink.

Me: *Shaking my head* “No, thank you. I’m good.”

Employee: “No. Your nuts…”

Me: “Huh?”

She pointed to the plastic bag of mixed nuts in my beach bag.

Employee: “Nuts. I like them. Can I have them? Will you give me some?”

At first, I laughed because I thought she was joking, but I quickly realized she was serious. Before I could stutter, “Sure, help your…” she had already grabbed the bag out of my beach bag and started examining the contents with her talon-like, nasty-a** fingernails. While picking up a mango slice, she said:

Employee: “Ooooooh, you got the good stuff!”

Then, she decided she didn’t want it and dropped it back in the bag.

I’m so mad at myself for not telling her to just take the whole bag. Lord knows I’ll never touch it again after those acrylic claws were used to rifle through it. Every time I think about it, I get so sick to my stomach. I guess [contagious illness] and other communicable diseases don’t exist in this lady’s world.

Oh, and never mind the facts that: a) I can’t believe she spotted them in my bag (a straw beach bag, not clear), and b) she had no problem disturbing me with a beach hat over my face — seemingly asleep. The whole thing was just baffling.

I mentioned this on a website, and the more I think about it, I think some of those commenters were right when they suggested that the employee might’ve been trying to rob me. She fingered alllll the nuts in the bag, but she really only took about three or four of them. If she was desperately hungry or terribly in need, she would’ve eaten more or asked to have the whole bag; it’s not like she was bashful. The whole encounter was very strange, and now I think there was more to it.